(Disclaimer: In no way do I hate the Amish, in fact they’re f-in’ fascinating. I don’t know how they live without technology. I lose my phone for an hour, and I feel as if my head has been chopped off. But seriously, if you’re Amish or want to be Amish or are dating an Amish guy or girl… this might not be the blog for you. And you should probably break up with them because they may have done meth at one point. )

I don’t like to talk about religion much because people get all mad, argue about things that make no sense, and both sides make points that aren’t really logical (and I’m included in that), but I’m going to step out on a limb and make the bold statement that Lee bear might have been Amish at one point in his life.

But since I am a girl who wishes she was a scientist, like always, I provided some evidence of my outlandish logical theory.

Exhibit A-Z: Lee D.’s first music video. That crazy red beanie wearing dog and their owner are at it again with some vintage footage. I guess 2007 isn’t very vintage, but while I was sitting in Art History wishing I could just go back to the dorm and watch The Price Is Right, Lee bear was out being all Amish and making music videos. “Predicament” is the video and here it is:

Bam! Okay okay…. that beard is a little Amish looking, you can’t deny that. I don’t know much about the Amish except they dress like pilgrims, live in Pennsylvania, have beards, don’t like electricity, don’t have fun, and never read blogs. But they can wild out at the age of 16 for a year to decide if they want to stay Amish. I promise this happens. I watched a whole documentary on it on the History Channel called The Devil’s Playground... SWEAR TO OPRAH this is true. Most of them become meth addicts and don’t return to the Amish lifestyle. (So, I guess they are allowed to read blogs then?? And in that case, welcome ex-Amish/ current meth addicts!!!) I kindly provided a picture of the Amish before they may or may not become meth addicts for some clarification. You’re welcome.

Where did Amish Lee Bear go mama??

Okay, back to my theory, from the picture below and that video you can see that Lee bear was once Amish Lee bear. That is quite the beard you’re rocking brother.

I always churn butter in my blue, jewel tone shirt

But he throws us off the Amish trail with his jewel tone, blue shirt. Which, by the way, I stamp extra hard. Excellent color.

This is a picture of a real Amish man. Once again, Amish Lee Bear just trims his beard to confuse us… but I’m smart Lee, and I absolutely do not let my imagination run away with me.

Amish Lee Bear is smart... my beard catches crumbs

Lee also tries to confuse us by dancing and clapping (A), having groupies (B), being charming and smiling all adorably (C), and not wearing a belt with some baggy ass jeans (D). You can see this all below. (btw, Oprah answered my prayers and my screen capping skills have increased ten fold over night. It’s as if I practiced in my sleep.)

(A) Dancing and clapping is clearly happening on this roof.

(B) Hard core groupie action happening here

(C) The beard is in full force, but the charming smile distracts me from it

(D) He looks like Baggin' Saggin' Barry from All That in those pants. Get a belt.

I know. This is all very shocking and disturbing. I know everyone wants to believe that he wasn’t Amish because of those wonderfully done screen caps above… but I have an answer to that:

He left at the age of 16, just like that documentary I saw. But, instead of going the meth addict route, he picked up the guitar and decided to play music. It just took him a second to part with the Amish beard.

And now since math and science relate here is an equation to break it down:

Amish Lee Bear + girls + music – pilgrim outfit – meth / charm + talent – beard = LEE BEAR 2010!!

*bows to professors*

-Rocco

P.S. on a completely unrelated note while looking for some Amish looking pictures of Lee bear I found this.

DED-I-CA-TION! I don’t even have Backstreet Boy lyrics tattooed on my body and they answer all my important life questions. I just feel like a bad fan, because all I do is make fun of Lee’s outfits and make up stories about him to make myself laugh. I need to go check myself.