Rocco’s Open Letter To Oprah About Lee D.
Posted January 10, 2011on:
Lee D. enthusiasts on Twitter have been sending around a link for people to be able to request Lee bear to be on Oprah. You can do that HERE. But since I believe Oprah is all-knowing and answers our prayers (and reads this)… I’m going to send her a prayer in the form of a letter (with some awesome pictures).
I just want to start off by kissing your ass and saying the OWN Network is fantastic. True, I haven’t actually watched it yet (due to circumstances out of my control, not by choice), but doesn’t that make my previous statement more awesome?? I’m already complimenting your genius, without even witnessing it first hand. To have blind faith is to believe. Don’t they say stuff like that?? I don’t really know, but if you say stuff like that, I believe it!
So, congrats on OWN Network, but what this letter really is about is Lee bear. Yes, his real name is Lee DeWyze, but I call him Lee bear because…. well I don’t really know why. I haven’t come up with a logical enough reason about that yet, but I will let you know once I do. Lee bear is muy excellente. He even makes me speak Spanish sometimes.
Lee el oso (that’s Spanish for bear… but you probably know that because you are the smartest woman in the world) is muy excellente for mucho reasons. (Okay, I’ll stop with the Spanish) For one… his hair. Have you seen it?? Of course you have!! You probably created his DNA with your powers. I like to congratulate you on that too. His hair is perfect. It’s bouncy, sticks up in all the right places and never goes flat. Wouldn’t you love to pretend you don’t know the secret to that and ask him during an interview?? I know I would like to know the answer, and if anyone could get the secret out of him, it’s you girl! Oh, look at me complimenting your wonderful-ness again.
Another reason Lee bear is awesome is, he’s from Chicago. Yes, your very own stomping ground. You guys probably complained about the wind and cold in that city at the same exact time and didn’t even know it. He also loves Chicago enough to tattoo it on his body. I mean not like a map of it or anything, but the flag. I heard you had a tattoo of Chicago in a hidden place. And that’s pretty funny because I also heard Lee has a tattoo of YOUR face in a hidden place. (This is all rumor) You guys could talk tattoos and Chicago!! Look at that… I already gave you at least 3 topics to discuss. If it’s not asking too much maybe I could throw in a few questions??? I mean, if only, so you and your wonderful staff over at Harpo don’t have to work too hard. I would be glad to write a few questions, pick out his wardrobe (*cough* hat of all freakin’ hats *cough*), and even prep him on how to act before your majesty.
On a side note…. I would take the guess and say your face is tattooed over his heart. Because that’s where people like to keep you… close to their heart.
But, I digress. You and Lee bear are even old chums. He went to Harpo Studios back in September (I think… I’m bad at fact checking Op. Please forgive me.) and played with your dog, and he even peed in your bathroom! He didn’t complain about the lack of cleanliness of your bathroom via Twitter, so I’m pretty sure that means he was a fan of it. But you know, as they say, cleanliness is next to Oprah-ness.
You and Lee bear also give great thumbs up photos. These types of things are important in this crazy world. Sometimes when I’m feeling down I just need you and/or Lee bear to give me a metaphorical thumbs up. But you know what would give the world a thumbs up?? The two of you combining your thumbs!
Wow. I felt the power too Oprah. And that was just from placing the photos next to each other… can you imagine if it was all in one photo? Mountains could be moved.
Another reason you should have Lee bear on your show is so we could meet and we could be each other’s 2nd BFF. Let me explain.
Lee bear would obviously get down on his knees and thank me graciously for creating this situation. In his gratitude, I will make him take me with him, as his side kick. In this case, we will meet and become each other’s 2nd BFF. I know you got Gayle and I got Taylor Swift, but we could use backups right?? The world could always use more made up friendships. You will agree upon this after me and you both beat Lee bear in a rousing game of monopoly. We will tie for 1st place and he will lose. But he won’t mind because I’m sure he will be happy just to be in Chicago eating pizza.
So, what do you say Op?? Good plan huh??
Tweet me your response to this because “Rocco you’re a genius and I say yes!” is way less than 140 characters.
P.S. I also heard from a good source that Lee bear is so into a hat that looks like this:
I’m sure he’d wear it if you asked him too…. for the whole interview.
She’ll totally go for that right?? And I got a great plan of how we could all get there. We will just be each other’s assistants. That makes sense right?? Actually, nothing has ever made more sense to me.
If this heartfelt letter doesn’t work…. we should just all give up on the idea of Lee D. being on Oprah. We should also just give up on the idea of world peace, because this letter is pretty diplomatic.
I should probably work for the UN.
PS This is Oprah putting some serious thought into Lee D. being on her show.
Okay actually it was her putting serious thought into who she should choose for our next PreZident…. but the same amount of careful thought and concern will go into this decision. I’m confident.