Bitch!

This image breaks my heart. How is she going to rule the craft world if her lip is split??

Martha Stewart busted her lip on what she says was her French Bulldog’s head…. but I really think she got into a tussle with an intern.

As Martha’s story goes, she was bending down to give Francesca (the dog) a goodnight kiss, the dog was startled and flung its head up and hit Martha in the lip.

“I was entirely startled and my neck snapped back. I felt a bit of whiplash as blood gushed forth from my split lip. Frannie was as upset as I was and cowered in her bed.”

The dog cowered in fear of the wrath of Martha Stewart.

Psssh! YEAH RIGHT!

If the dog story is even true, she definitely wasn’t kissing the dog goodnight. She was whispering judgemental things in the dog’s ear because it was sleeping against the grain and messing up the plush quilt Martha just knitted in 5 minutes… and then naturally, the dog bit her face in a rebuttal.

Though my version of the dog story sounds more truthful than the lovey dovey Martha version…I’m still going to assume that she had a fight with an intern. The intern probably didn’t milk the cow themselves, for the milk in her coffee, and that’s how the fight broke out. I give the intern props for standing up for himself…. but he’s probably Francesca’s dinner as we speak.

I have a delicious intern for you Frannie!

-Rocco