I was perusing the web this morning and went to Top Idol because that girl is hilarious and she makes me like American Idol more than I already do, which is hard to do. I’m pretty sure she fake likes it, which is opposite of my emotion toward it… I fake hate it. I know… it’s complicated.

Anyway… as I was reading that, there was a post about Adam Lambert, his birthday, and his fans that bake him cakes.

I have told the story before that I used to bake cakes for AJ McLean’s (Backstreet Boys) birthday, but it wasn’t super serious to me, and it was more about the opportunity to eat a spoonful of icing from the jar without buying it for the specific purpose. Because that’s weird. Delicious yes, but weird.

Even with that declaration of the truth of why I baked a cake (oh and I absolutely love him…. I adore him.), I read and see these cakes that were baked for Adam, and I just…. I’m ashamed.

I mean take a look at that above. They paid someone to make that. I had to BEG Mamadukes to buy a box of Duncan Hines and this person paid at least $50 for that. WTF MOM!?! AJ deserves more than a $3.99 cake from a box.

There is even ribbon on it. And there is a whole prayer to Oprah. Cake Boss must have done this shit, because someone with the shakes for Adam Lambert can NOT do that.

Side note: Adam Lambert has fabulous eyebrows. And I now know he has them because a drag queen does his make up. Regret #54 in life.

Homemade cake???? YES! So far, I’m a good fan. Penis Candle??? NO! I never had a penis candle on AJ’s cake. Is this a birthday cake or a bachelorette party??

There is a penis candle on that cake!!!!! Is anyone else shocked by this?? Straight men do not want a Va Jay Jay candle… why would a gay man want a penis candle??

This is not a regret in my life.

That is a display… that is an installation art piece. I did not do that for AJ.  Even as a 13-year-old I didn’t have the time for that. I was learning Algebra.

This is more my speed. If Martha Stewart would beat you and then drink your blood that spilled to make herself stronger because of the atrocity you baked that you call a “cake”, then this is the cake I would make.

I like the messy frosting… the jelly bean border… and the end of the blue sprinkle bottle thrown onto the cake.

I’m calling Food Network. This person needs a show for us normal folk.

I love everything about this post.

-Rocco