Archive for January 2011
Posted January 31, 2011on:
I don’t even know if Pink Floyd is the appropriate era to make fun of merchandise from “back in the day”. You have to remember that Big D listens to Cher. And yes my parents own a Cher t-shirt from when they went to the concert. I don’t want to talk about. I’m going to need therapy because of it.
Anyway…. the Lee D. earrings are the new rage. Let me remind you.
Unfortunately, they don’t light up. I know… bummer. But I’m working on a pair that do. It’ll be beautiful. Trust me.
So, after this came to my attention… LadyMcTech (is this a play on words for Lady Macbeth?? If so.. HOLLLA BILLY SHAKESPEARE!!) hit me with THIS website.
It’s a clam center of Lee D. pearls. I swear that’s the websites name. Click on it and you’ll see and then believe everything I say from here on out.
1) Magnets are great. Magnets with Lee bears face and the word “sexy” randomly on it… even better. I can’t wait to hold up the A+’s I give myself on the fridge with this.
(that was a really bad magnet joke.. I’m sorry. I’m not good enough in Science to make a good one)
2) This is probably my favorite… the Lee D. key chain. It’s the most subtle and useful. No one wants to lose their keys and Lee’s shining face and sparkling, white teeth will help you find your keys in the bottom of your bag. And plus you can swing that key chain and hit a mugger in the eye with Lee D.’s face.
Mugger: give me your money
Rocco: No! I will give you Lee D in the eye *swings keys into mugger’s eye*
And that’s it. The mugger will run away. I hope.
3) Pocket mirror. Totally useful and appropriate.
4) Zipper broken??…No worries. Lee D. can hang by the crotch of your pants??? Or a sweatshirt.
5) This one says it’s a Lee button… but I’m pretty sure it’s a door knocker for a castle. Thank Oprah I plan to own a castle one day… I bought 2 of these.
You can get all these styles in “Hallelujah” ones too. In case you want to have special ones for the days you go to church/temple/mosque/ and other places of worship.
I think my $30 Lee D. sweatshirt is enough… and yes I still regret spending $30 on it everyday of my life. I got a little over excited with his win in May. It was an impulse buy.
Oh hey… happy birthday. Can you do me a favor and get back in the studio?? Thanks.
I’m glad you’re 30. You went from this:
30 looks good on you bro. And I know about 9435397 girls that would sing “happy birthday” to you… naked.
Amiright Alex?!?! (If you don’t comment on this… I’m not going to the movies tonight. That’s a lie)
Okay.. I have nothing else to say except Happy Birthday. I just really want to post pictures of Justin Timberlake. His birthday is the perfect excuse.
I’m not even into muscles and I want to *high-five* him for this photo.
Oh and you should probably break up with that chick from 7th Heaven and date Olivia Munn. Just saying.
I can’t decide what number album he’s on.
If you want to get technical and count his catalogue of music as a whole, this is his 4th. And if you’re just counting his indie/Wuli days… this his 3rd.
I’m going to call it his 3th album. I can’t even pronounce that, so I’m glad this isn’t a vlog (video blog. Sorry if I insulted you by explaining that).
Anyway… Wuli is going to have a contest for fans to name the new Lee D. album that will be out I sometime this Spring?? I don’t know if that timeline is true. I think so.
Here are my suggestions that they will most likely choose. I provided album covers as well. You’re welcome Wuli.
Now, this is important. You need to use 2 exclamation marks. 1 isn’t enough, and 3 makes you look like you need medication. Trust me Wuli. Plus, who doesn’t love Eduardo the Spanish polar bear and companion to Lee D?? No one. That’s the answer to that.
I heard Lee bear does a lot of rapping on this new album. I heard he spits some sick rhymes, so this cover may just be the best marketing technique. Lee D-Weezit is a great street name. He sounds bad ass and tough. And you can totally Photoshop a box of Cheez-Its in this picture for some product placement. Everybody wins.
I’m just kidding about this one. Or am I??
This might be hard to market verbally, because I still have no idea how to pronounce that. But you guys are smart, you own a record label. I trust you. And thumbs up pictures sell albums. I did market research on it (in my head) and they sell. And for extra measure you can have multiple album covers, because Lee D. has about 5 thumbs up pictures. I just created a Lee D. collectible. I want royalties.
I don’t even have to explain the awesome-ness of this brilliant idea.
So, what do you think??? Pretty genius ideas huh??
If these are the gems I come up with… just think of the great-ness you’ll receive from the other fans that are super-duper hardcore Lee D. enthusiasts. You sit down for those WuLi.
Click HERE to get all the deets on this business. But I mean… mine are pretty good…so don’t get upset if they don’t pick yours.
I’m just gonna send this whole post to Wuli… and Lee D. Because I’m pretty sure Lee will have my back on this. I make him look good.
I will be back with more later. I have so many good ideas.
The answer to that is a resounding no.
Wow. I woke up this morning, after not a lot of sleep, and this was one of the first things I laid my conscious brain and eyes on….
I’d like to thank CAKiwiFarmer (best person ever… and not just because of the fact that she owns a Kiwi farm!!… and yes that’s true. Don’t even get me started. I won’t stop talking about it) and Red Beanie Blog for this. These two women are…. great.
I just can’t even find a logical explanation for why this exists. I get the whole idea of merchandise, but this is out of hand.
(Good luck getting a GF dude)
Where exactly would you wear these??? You can’t wear them on a date. That would be uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Date: You look nice…*spots Lee hanging from your ears* ummm nice earrings???
Rocco: Thanks! *puts head in light to let them glimmer*
Date: Is that a man’s face??
Rocco: Yes.. but not just any man… it’s Lee bear. If you aren’t down with the bear… you’re out.
Date: Who?? Can you take them off? That’s weird.
Rocco: No *throws water in his face* Have respect for me and my jewels.
See?? That can’t happen. As much as I would love to throw a drink at someone… it can’t be over Lee bear earrings. It should be over the fact that my date says “Earth Stood Still” is the worst song ever. That’s grounds for divorce. Sign those papers baby!
The only way those can get more awesome, and totally inappropriate for everyday life, is if his eyes light up. And not red, because that’s frightening and I’m pretty confident he isn’t the devil. They should light up blue, because he has blue eyes, and is an angel.
Everyone bugs out about his eyes and how wonderful they are right?? (and listen… I get it. Light eyes on a guy is fantastic. It’s Oprah’s way of high-fiving women and letting us know she’s up there) So, it should light up blue. Whoever is the designer of these gems needs to get on that. I don’t even want payment for that genius idea. That’s just my gift to Lee D. fans.
I love Lee D… we already established I’m 98% of a fan… but you couldn’t pay me $8.95 to wear these… but I kind of want to bid on them and make the price ridiculously high. Maybe we can get them on Antique Road Show.
If someone could buy these, come to an NYC show wearing them, and find me… I will give you something. And to be honest, it will be a tiny gift, probably like a piece of gum or something… but more importantly, you’d have my respect.
I want a Lee D. bracelet. Or a giant ring! I’d wear that.
Let’s look at these earrings one more time.
Wow. I should get a pair for the interview Jamboree. See if he notices.
Get it??? Like the Salt -N- Pepa song “Let’s Talk About Sex”???
I should stop explaining my jokes. If you don’t get it, you’re loss. You just missed the fun train!
Anyway… the SAG Awards were on last night and I did not watch them because I was watching J Biebs on Extreme Home Makeover and shedding tears. Sunday night is always a good night to cry and that shit is sad. Who knew building homes and Ty Pennington in plaid could make tear ducts explode.
So, while I was praising J Biebs for being such an angel muffin, and while I was mocking Ty Pennington for wearing a Marty McFly vest and explaining to friends that he had an alcohol problem at one point (that happened right?? Or am I spreading rumors about the poor man?? Remember Trading Spaces?? GOOD SHOW!!), the stars were at the SAG awards.
And by stars, I mean everyone but Leonardo DiCaprio. I warned you I would get bitter about his absence during this award season. It makes me upset.
So, this is the point where I post pictures and compliment and/or make fun of the people. There wasn’t anyone in a ridiculous outfit that I’ve seen so far… so this is the pretty zone.
1) James Franco: I’m developing a little bit on an obsession with him. He looked very handsome last night. He makes me want to read poetry. And I know that sounds weird… I just feel like he does that (while puffing on a pipe like a Grandpa-pa) and I don’t want us to have nothing to talk about if I ever run into him and a beatnick poet meeting. I go to those every other third Thursday of the month.
2) Glee guys:
Matthew Morrison is cute, but I can’t stop thinking about the time he “rapped” “Gold Digger” on Glee. It kind of ruins things for me and makes me laugh, which means I could never be in the same room as him. I would be laughing AT him and it would just be awkward. Plus, his hair is really curly and my hair is a curly mess….. if we accidentally had a baby, that child would have a mental breakdown over the mess on their heads before they were 7. Trust me. It happens. I’ve seen Dr. Phil.
Chris Colfer. I want to be best friends with you. I just feel like we’d get along. This is my request for your friendship in the future.
I’m usually not into blonde hair (unless your Zack Morris. duh) because then it’s hard to pass you off as Italian to Big D. (with brown hair we can just add a vowel to the end of your surname and Big D has no idea), but Chord Overstreet is the exception. And he also breaks my no swoop over the age of 18 rule as well. Reasons why I like him 1) His name is Chord. I love weird names… seriously. I want to name my kid Milo or Amadeus (I love Mozart). Kid or dog. Whatever comes first. 2) I don’t have another reason, but you need a #2 to go with a #1.
And now on to Mark Sailing AKA Puck. I heart this boy. And by boy I mean man. I recently googled him and he’s like 27 or something. Again, this is the only man who can pull off a ridiculous haircut. I want to date him for a few months and then have him break my heart (you’ll see why in a second)
And last but not least, the reason I want my heartbroken by Puck, CORY MONTEITH. I am crushing hard. It’s pretty pathetic. I’ve never wanted Glee to start more in my life, and only just so I can see him for an hour each week. I hope I feel this way next weekend. If not… it’s going to be awkward when I get all dolled up to watch Glee, only to realize I don’t have a crush anymore.
But seriously…. be more charming Cory. Not every girl has broken up with their boyfriend in hopes you would be their rebound. By the way I totally did not end things for that reason…. I mean… come on. That would be ridiculous.
I’m going to do this whole SAG awards in two parts.
I really just want to stare at Cory Montieth for 5 more minutes to make my Monday better.
Wow… I almost fell off the bed with this one.
Okay.. not really. It wasn’t that dramatic. But I did say, out loud, “Are those Crumbs cupcakes?? They are!! I wonder which one is his favorite???” . And I’m alone in my apartment now.
Let me explain.
I was perusing Red Beanie Blog because she usually knows some stuff about what’s going down in Lee bear’s life. (Actual stuff. Not like my half-true/half made up stuff) and I saw that she posted an interview with OK Magazine.
From the look of this picture it was not recently… because his hair is out and proud. But after I studied the hair… I saw the cupcakes.
If anyone live in NYC or has been to NYC you’ve probably seen a Crumbs cupcake. I see them all the time because my Ryan Gosling obsessed roomie, Cor Cor, works there!! Yes, she sells those cupcakes and she knows every cupcake known to man. I quiz her sometimes. It’s fun.
Anyway… that’s a nice treat for them to give him. I thought OK Magazine were a bunch of liars who make up mean stuff about celebrities, but if they are giving out cupcakes… SIGN ME UP!!
Annnnnnd now I know how to lure Lee D. to interview Jamboree 2011. CUPCAKES! Look how content he looks in the picture. He even has real person clothes on. I know my way in now.
Rocco: Hey Lee… want to do an interview Jamboree??
Rocco: Alright serious bear. I had all these cupcakes. What about now??
Rocco: Good it’s settled. See you in April. Here have one in the time being.
So yeah. I’m like 99.6% sure that’s how that conversation will go.
But back to this OK Magazine interview… this is my favorite question and answer that was exchanged.
Oh you have not laughed in an interview until you laughed at the interview Jamboree.
Instead of “Where would you ever come up with that??” it’s going to be “I don’t even know what you’re talking about”…. he’ll say that with giggles in the mix.
I don’t even know where I was going with all this. I think it was just another bribe for the fake interview that needs to happen because it’s been hyped up so much.
Oh man this is turning into a mess.
Thanks to BlondieBlue for some new pictures. Just like Drake says “youda youda best!”
Davey Cook (or possibly soon to be known as David All That And A Bag Of Chips) released a video for “Come Back To Me” like a bajillion years ago (or so it feels like) and the video was in reverse.
I provided it for you once again because I care, and I want to make your life easier. Thank me later.
I wasn’t impressed because I thought he just filmed the video, and then they just made it go backwards in post production. Common sense right??
Well, you can just roundhouse kick your Thomas Paine common sense out of here, because I’ve been informed by avid Davey fans that this was actually backward.
1) Now I’m concerned for him. He could have ran into a lot of things walking backwards. That is dangerous. Hope he has health insurance. Thank Oprah for Obama. Literally thank her.
2) That’s just so amazing. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I had a gun to my head.
3) I have no idea if E.T. speaks backwards. In my head aliens can do that. I’m not a nerd and I know nothing about other life forms, so don’t freak out at me about the way aliens really talk.
4) He’s totally making out with the chick from Disturbia. Good movie. Check it out.
I even have proof of this all because super Davey fan, Lainey, sent me a video. Sit down for this. It’s that amazing.
I’m just going to trust him that he is actually saying it backward….. but he may just be speaking German.
I mean speaking German is just as impressive as speaking backwards.
So either way… Davey Cook trumps me in something. You pick.
Though his facial expression and that German writing looks like it says “I’ll kill you”. It really says “Thumbs up”. Or so says Google. Sue them if there is an issue. Davey and I have nothing to do with this.
Ummm Kris with a K… I may have to kick Lee D. out of the interview Jamboree and put you in because you were in Hawaii and kinda wore some Hawaii gear.
If you could just pick up a Hawaiian shirt for Lee bear… that would be awesome. And if you could convince him to wear it during the interview Jamboree… I’d give you some kiwis.
Who doesn’t Kris with a K… who doesn’t???
Lee! Stop raising your hand and smiling… try a kiwi.
Don’t talk with your mouth full. And I told you so.
Anyway…. Kris with a K was at the Pro Bowl and apparently it’s in Hawaii because their were hula skirts, ukuleles, adorable Hawaiian children and Leis. I wasn’t going to post this because we all know my disdain for football lately, but this was so good I couldn’t pass it up.
Oh and Kris with a K sang the National Anthem with a lei on. That was the whole point of this.
And he also wore a grass skirt. Which he probably should have worn during the performance. Just a suggestion.
Oh relax. I’m not going to ask. Grass skirts are dumb and will definitely be itchy.
(I just straight up made up a fake conversation between the 3 of us. That was unnatural)
Anyway… good performance Kris with a K. Loved the harms with the adorable Hawaiian children.