American Idol: No Plastic People Tonight. Shocking.
Posted February 3, 2011on:
American Idol auditions are back. Tonight brings us to Los Angeles, so I expect a lot of plastic and a lot of blonde. I expect some Botox and I definitely want to hear some valley girls. I can’t think of a stereotype for LA males.. but whatever that is.. I want to see it.
I’m armed with new Steven Tyler pictures… so let’s get this thing going. Oh and it’s only 1 hour tonight.. thank OPRAH!
What does LA have to offer in these waiters/waitresses who are struggling actors/musicians??
Hmmmmmm?? Steven Tyler is ready and so am I.
I’m really glad they recapped the good people (especially my boo Casey Abrams) because I don’t remember a lot of these people.
The best talent ever??? They say that every year… you can’t keep saying it. You make the other seasons feel bad. So rude.
I love how D Man and Lee bear are buddies next to each other during the opening. I’ve never noticed that. Shocking I know.
They should have played Miley Cyrus “Party In The USA”… doesn’t she reference the Hollywood sign?? Who produces this shit??
First contestant didn’t have fake boobs or blonde hair. Where the F are we???
She sounds like a lamb?? Is she singing about Jesus?? Please stop! This is making me uncomfortable.
I swear to Oprah I made the lamb joke (to myself. Out loud) before the judges did… I could sit at that table.
Her hair kinda looks like mine. Seriously. If I don’t do anything to my hair… it looks like that. But for some reason, I look cuter. I promise. And I don’t sound like a lamb and I don’t sing about Jesus. I sing about Oprah.
I’m kinda attracted to Tim (that picture is bad… but trust me) I have a crush (or maybe it’s just the fact that his purple shirt matches the back drop behind him). So does J Lo. Do I have to fight J Lo for Tim?? WTF?? I can’t compete with J Lo. She’s Selena Y Los Dinos. Goddamn it!
F U Randy!… you’re just jealous because he doesn’t want to sleep with you.
You’re wearing a treat hat. Who do you think you are?? Certainly not Lee bear. My heart fills weird. The treat hat is not becoming on you Justin. Ugh!
Let’s look at a proper treat hat on a proper human being.
Daniel & Isaac:
Nice swoop Daniel.
I think these two love each other. This bromance is weird.
Oh well Isaac… they know you dropped out now you Moron! Daniel should maybe come out of the closest to his parents during the audition.
Daniel.. YOU SUCK! And your side burns are out of control. I could have sworn he was going to come out of the closest during this audition. Weird.
Isaac…I love this song for some reason… but I don’t like him singing it. Wow… I hope you can get back into school on Monday. And I hope you can get a longer shirt before school on Monday. Don’t forget new pencils Isaac. I wonder what he goes to school for??
These two are delusional.
NYC HOLLLLAAA! Stamp. I like her. And we have similar hair. The fact that this girl just references TRL, and therefore Carson Daly, I’m a fan.
And they played Selena in the back ground. This is a subliminal message for Rocco.
NICE BANGS! DIRTY JERSEY!!
Ow-ow! I want to punch her.
I really wish her hair didn’t look like that. I’m pretty sure she is drunk.
Oh good.. butcher Frank Sinatra.
She’s actually chasing Randy. Where is security???
Heidi KAZAAAM!! (I think that’s her last name)
There is a girl stripping… well dancing like a stripper, but keeping her clothes on. That was weird.
Well, I can’t even tell if she can sing because I was so disturbed that she set the feminist movement back 15 years.
Douche Bag or Matt:
I have never gotten so many douche chills from one human being. The slicked back hair… the mustache… the suit… wow. He be sipping on the douche juice.
Why is he rapping?? What is happening??
Jeremy: Matt’s homie!! HAHAHHAHAHAH
OH MY OPRAH!! This guy is such a DOUCHE BAG!!
Ewww I feel violated.. he just said lubricate.
“I loved you in Selena….” HAHHAHAHAHHA
What is this guy talking about??? You’ve been squashing beef.. into YOUR MOUTH!
Mark & Aaron:
Oh good… TWINSIES!!
They are related to Anoop Desai. I’m confident in saying that.
I can’t get over their gay outfits… they look like a Banana Republic Catalogue. That one guy has a purple and sea-foam green scarf.
I didn’t even hear what they were singing. I guess they were good though. They got through.
“God like”….. you mean Oprah like. WATCH YOUR TONGUE STEVEN!
I’m a little shocked they didn’t end with a sob story. I actually wanted to cry tonight.
I couldn’t understand his name.. I can’t understand a word that crazy man was saying. And apparently no one else can because the producers sub-titled this man.
I have a fear this is going to be my Grandpa-pa in a few years… but not black. He may own that jacket already.
He’s kind of like a terrorist. A funny dressed terrorist.
Jennifer Lopez has never been so happy to get home to her skeleton husband, Marc Anthony.
He’s a terrorist… and a home invader.
HIDE YA KIDS, HIDE YA WIVES…..
Now that I think of it… he kind of looks like Steven Tyler :
I can’t believe I just watched 60 minutes of this and I didn’t see 1 fake boob. NOT ONE! I didn’t even see fake blonde hair. (minus Ryan Seacrest)
I have a new respect for LA… and I think I could live there with my brown hair and non-plastic body.