Archive for February 2011
- In: Glee | Television
- 4 Comments
I just let it all out upfront with that title. No surprises in this post.
I don’t even know if Glee is new this week… is it?? If not… here is some Paltrow to hold you over. Holly Holiday returns!!
Where's Matthew Morrison's tongue???
And here is Cory Monteith just because I miss his face.
Hey Rocco heeeeey!!
I just fact checked for the first time in weeks…. no new Glee on Tuesday. Womp womp!
-Rocco
- In: Movies
- 4 Comments
Below is Robert Pattinson looking like Edward Cullen. Looking like a vampire.
He looks very angry and very married. Oh, and pale.
I have no idea what scene this is from… but it’s a new picture of R Pattz on the set of Breaking Dawn and that is enough to make people go nuts.
You’re welcome America.
-Rocco
- In: Justin Timberlake | Music
- 4 Comments
Dear Hollywood,
Don’t hire Justin Timberlake in anything until the summer is over. Thanks
Hearts,
Rocco
“I think I may spend some time in the studio this summer.”
“I’m unemployed right now. I haven’t been hired for anything so I may hire myself to write some music…It’s right around the corner.”
Best news I’ve heard in a while.
do YOU want me to bring SexyBack???
Yes. Yes, I do Justin. I need you in my life. Musically.
That’s all the info I have for now. But that should be good enough for you people!
-Rocco
Lady Gaga Talks Science And Copies Off Of Jennifer Lopez In ‘Born This Way’
Posted on: February 28, 2011
- In: Lady Gaga
- 9 Comments
J Lo will cut a bitch for this!
I will kill Gaga for this. I'm from the Bronx!
I’m looking through a kaleidoscope from hell as I watch this video. But Lady Gaga feels like it’s something different.
“the birth of a new race within the race of humanity. The birth of a new race that doesn’t bear any prejudices. I think the most important thing is that I continue to grow, and I knew when I put [out] ‘Born This Way’ it would be a transitional moment, because it doesn’t sound like [my previous singles].”
I’ll stick with my interpretation… but see for yourself.
1) It looks like Jennifer Lopez’s movie The Cell, in the beginning.
2) Her voice over at the top made the song worse… if possible.
3) This is 7 minutes?!?!? OMO! It’s like the f-in Oscars. I’m bored.
4) I’m glad she still isn’t wearing pants… and continues to look like a reptile.
5) Where are the transsexuals?? There was such a big casting call for it!! What a waste of their time. I see no men that may be women or vise versa.
6) Okay… I admit I skipped around because I don’t have 7 minutes to sit here and watch this crap. But this isn’t anything new. She dressed up in Halloween costumes again, and wore no pants. She does that every video.
I was born this way Rocco!
Oh and I’m pretty sure this was product placement for her hemoglobin/ejaculate perfume. I’m sure it will look like this mucus stuff below.
You can't spray it on.. it's too thick. You have to wipe it on.
I just puked a little. I grossed myself out. Sorry if I grossed you out too.
Anyway… it didn’t make me like the song anymore. But I’m sure her fans are shedding tears over it. So yay??
-Rocco
Georgia… Georgia!!! (Iowa) Lee D. Is Coming And Will Not Be Ray Charles
Posted on: February 28, 2011
That title makes absolutely no sense. But he should probably wear sunglasses and sing “Georgia On My Mind”.
OKAY! Funny story. So I just read Lee D. was going to perform in Iowa. Good. Grand. And at the same time I was having an intense conversation how I could never survive, if I lived in Georgia. So, in my messed up mind, it translated as “Lee D. was going to Georgia”.
Never has anything been less true. So Sorry. But it’s funny so I’m going to leave that mess above. Let’s start over.
NOT GEORGIA!! Lee D. is hitting up Iowa and eating some potatoes.
*munch munch* potatoes are from Idaho you moron! *chew chew*
So it is. This just proves that Lee D. is getting booked in the most random ass places that I know nothing about.
Iowa… neither the state from a Ray Charles song or the home of potatoes… but the home of corn. I think.
Anyway… March 25th, Lee D. will be in the State of Iowa at the University of Iowa.
evidence
Lee. Do me a favor?? Keep playing in places that I have to google because I have no general knowledge of. And also play really far away from NYC. I can’t travel to see you… do you not want me to come see you live???
I may have more than one pair of jeans… but I ain’t got no car.<— I sounded like I was from Iowa just then.
I was secretly hoping that he’d be in NYC around my birthday (March 24th… donate to your favorite charity in lieu of the jewels you were planning on sending me) so I can use that as a bribe to get people to come to the show with me. But alas… I will spend my birthday BOYCOTTING Lee.
But I have no qualms (except for the boycotting thing)… I get it. He needs to hit up the Amish states first. Totally googled Iowa (for fun facts) and surprise surprise… there is an Amish section.
amish girl 1: Did you hear Lee De-Weeze is coming??!! amish girl 2: I better wash my bonnet in the river for that night.
I'm coming home!!
So yeah.. go to Ticketmaster.com and buy some tickets. (I was going to provide the actual link… but I can’t find it. The Amish probably bought all the tickets already).
Anyway… since he is everywhere but NYC, you know the drill… go to these shows… get some awesome video/pictures…. and then I can recap like I was there. I may just never go and see him live, just so we can keep this charade going.
Oh and make sure he is working on Interview Jamboree. If he stands me up…we are done!
-Rocco
PS I just re-read this before I published it. This is a mess. Thank you for reading.
And because it’s all over the place…Lee bear will be at University of Iowa on March 25th.
The D Man Shows Off His Fashion To The TSA?? Or Something That Involves A Massive Back Pack
Posted on: February 28, 2011
**EDIT** I just read a tweet from someone who is livid about these candid pictures of D Man at the airport. I didn’t take them dude. Don’t kill me. I’m not ready to die over D Man pics. Just FYI.
What else involves back packs?? School?? Camping?? A really giant murse to carry around all his hair product, alligator shoes, and jeggins???
The last one is the most obvious and because I said it, most likely the truth.
I had multiple people (okay two…ItsMyT1me and my super spy) send me these pictures… so they must be hot items on the D Man front. He’s like a tornado whipping through the world wide web these days. <— or not. I don’t know if that’s true. Anyway… it doesn’t matter… let’s look at the pictures.
1) Get that thing out of your mouth. Do you know how many germs are on that plane ticket? I will never make out with you now D Man. He’s all yours ladies. *awaits comments of “Yay. I’ll make out with him no matter what’s in his mouth”.*
2) I’m convinced that heart tattoo on his arm is a balloon and therefore a dedication to the movie Up. No other options.
Don't take my picture.
1) Still has massive amounts of germs in his mouth.
2) I like his shirt.
3) I like his coiffed hair even more. Is that even the right word to describe it?? It is now.
4) He’s so annoyed about his picture being taken.
5) I like his beard.
Don't steal my alligator shoes TSA man.
1) Don’t even tell me that he doesn’t have a back pack full of hair mousse and jeggins. I won’t believe you.
Oh and I’ve also decided he was wearing these shoes to complete that snazzy ensemble.
And shut up about how this picture is from a different time, setting, and that he’s wearing different jeggins. I don’t want to hear it.
DON’T BE A DREAM SQUASHER!! D Man will always be my one and only alligator man.
So, thanks for these pictures. They are fantastic. I hope he’s jet setting somewhere to finish his album…so I can actually be a fan of his music as opposed to whatever else I claim to be a fan for.
-Rocco
Rocco Is Going To Talk About Lee D. At The Rolling Stone Gala (And Probably Tell The True-est Story EVER)
Posted on: February 28, 2011
I just had the most obvious thought. I can’ believe I didn’t think of it yesterday. It came to me in my dreams.
If Lee D. was at some Rolling Stone event… he obviously met Justin Bieber (and curtseyed in his presence and became best friends with him), because Bieber is super cool and made the cover of Rolling Stone this month.
How could I be so stupid and forget this minor detail??? I apologize for not informing the masses of this epic earth standing still-ish event!
I came here to meet the Biebs and to throw it in Rocco's face
That’s why he was so dressed up. He knew Biebs was going to be there and Biebs is the man to impress. I’d wear my Saturday best too. (Or whatever day this was… I don’t fact check. Never forget that.)
Check out my shoesies! All for that angel muffin! But really... what don't I do for that kid???
J Biebs likes pinstripes…. so Lee D. wore giant stripes. He went with the more and exaggerated fashion as the way into that angel muffin’s heart. I’m pretty sure.
Ask Lee bear who is hero is??? He'll say me.
Okay… so that isn’t quite pinstripe… but you get the idea. Lee D.’s style icon is J Biebs. And I approve like I’ve never approved before.
I feel the angel-ness of J Biebs?? Where is he?? That's why I left the house and looked like a real person. Just look at my hair.
There is no other reason for Lee D. to be at this event except to find and become best friends with J Biebs. He shined up his heart of the ocean and he, himself, shined up like a new penny. (Ba dum chh).
I bet Lee D. would share the wooden door with the Biebs. Just saying. And duh… he’d rather be J Biebs friend, than your husband *spit*. (okay.. I’ll stop with the Titanic lines because that last one didn’t even make sense)
Anyway… don’t even tell me that this didn’t happen. I don’t have video or pictorial proof of this yet… but I’m sure Lee D. is sending me a framed picture of him and J Biebs as I write this, with a note that says this (and it will be written in beautiful calligraphy of course)
To my dearest Rocco:
HAHHAHA! Look who I’m hanging out with!?? Jealous?? You should be homeslice. Play “Me and My Jealousy” as you weep over this photograph and then wipe your tears with the Live It Up CD booklet. We talked about hair…. the Backstreet Boys…. hair… and Oprah. We did all that without you. Too bad girl. See you at the Interview Jamboree. I’m bringing Biebalicious (that’s what I call him… in the non-creepiest way possible) as my teammate for whatever dumb game you make us play. Have a good day.
Your accidental muse… Lee bear.
The photo will look something like this…
why isn't J Biebs in my arms right now???
Just pretend that man (who will sign my paycheck one day) is Justin Bieber… that’s what the picture will look like. Except Lee D. will be showing some teeth because his dreams will be realized.
Don’t even tell me this isn’t happening. I will post the picture and the letter as soon as I get it in the mail.
I don’t even know how to end all this truth I just laid down in an elegant way. So, yeah???
-Rocco
I woke up this morning to Steven Tyler yelling at me. I whipped out the decoder ring and this is what I got, after I read it 4 times to try to comprehend. (Read from bottom up because I’m too lazy to separate it and post it in order… two-way street here people)
1) Apparently, someone complained about Steven Tyler not being around enough?? That’s funny because I have the exact opposite feeling. I feel like he’s ALWAYS around and screaming at me.
2) He can’t even spell Bieber correctly. What kind of American are you Steven?? Not a good one is the answer to that. Have some respect and call him J Biebs, or the Biebster, or angel muffin. And spell it correctly.
3) He can’t spell anyone’s name correctly. I’m going to call him Stephen Tiler.
4) So burnt??? So burnt on drugs.
I’m sorry I didn’t yell this one… it’s too early and I’m only 1/4 through a Red Bull and my heart’s not in it. Next tweet I’ll scream at ya.
-Rocco
Where were these fun people during the actual televised ceremony?? I could have used more Paltrow and I definitely could have used some Taylor Swift. She would have talked me off the ledge of insanity and boredom with one of her sweet melodies.
I bet they talked about Glee. Why haven’t they done a Taylor Swift song?? GET ON THAT RYAN MURPHY!!
She looks so pretty. I like her dress. Old Hollywood feel. Oh man.. I just want to be best friends with her. That’s my new goal in life.
By the way… remember her atrocious acting in Valentine’s Day?? Even after that, they invite her to Academy Award events. People will never stop loving this girl.
-Rocco
