Katie Holmes Can Spell P-e-n-i-s. Oh Good
Posted March 31, 2011on:
So this happened a few weeks ago:
That’s robot child, Suri Cruise, (we established she’s synthetic right? Oh good) shopping for some penis shaped gummies for her BFF’s bachelorette party. Obviously. Back up people!! What’s wrong with that?? You’re all acting as if you’ve never had penis gummies in your mouth. Get off your high horse!
Oh she’s 4 you say?? What is that in scientology robot years??? If my math is correct (which it always is) it’s like 27. So back off!
Katie Holmes went on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to explain why her daughter loves penis gummies. (Pshh as if she had to) and shockingly it had nothing to do with her father.
Katie: It can be intense sometimes because there are moments in motherhood where she will have trouble putting on the coat or whatever. Then it’s a story about how she won’t wear a coat. Recently, I took her to get ice cream in New York at this place called Serendipity that we go to all the time. It’s for kids. The clientele is children. We go in and we are waiting for a table and she grabs some gummies that are boy part gummies. I was horrified.
Ellen: Boy part?
Katie: P-e-n-i-s (Katie spells it out) gummies. I said, oh wow those aren’t Swedish fish.
Ellen: Even I know that. I know the difference there. …So someone made those on purpose. They look like that? It is made to look like a p-e-n-i-s (Ellen spells is out.)
Katie: They are called p-e-n-i-s gummies and they look like it. She was holding the box and I was like ok, wow we don’t need that right now. Because I thought if I said put that back and then she’s going to say, what is this? And I really didn’t want to have that conversation. I was like, why are selling these here? This is for kids. And then it was on the cover of a magazine that I’m giving her those gummies.
Ellen: They saw them in her hand?
Katie: Yes, they were taking photos of it. I was like, oh my god, no. We put them back. You know so sometimes it’s like no, wait, hold on.
Ellen: So now people think you’re feeding your child p-e-n-i-s gummy bears…
WHY IS SHE SPELLING IT OUT??? Can you not say penis on network television at 4PM? That’s bullshit.
Anyway… I think Katie Holmes should let me robotsit Suri for an afternoon. I have a game that could occupy us for hours.
Oh by the way… Tom and Katie… I only accept payment in the form of gummies in the shape of body parts and/or ice cream from Serendipity. That’s cool too.
PS All joking aside. That kid is all sorts of adorable. And even more joking aside… Mamadukes is shaking her head and wondering where she went wrong.