Archive for June 2011
James Franco is always high. I wish he’d stop denying it and just own up to the fact that he is a pot head. And now, he clearly makes music and music videos when he is stoned.
That’s Franco and his music partner Kalup. Kalup has a great weave and Franco has a great ‘stache.
I’m really happy I don’t do drugs.
PAAAAAAARTAAAAAY!! I mean, obviously, because she didn’t have enough of those while under house arrest.
Well, maybe I’m being harsh but how else am I supposed to take these photos of the freckled face 25-year-old who looks 45??
See what I mean? I guess I’d be disoriented with flashes going off in my face too, but does she have to look THIS drunk. Not all celebrities look drugged out of their minds when the paparazzi are snapping away. Can’t she practice not looking like this because I’m forced to assume she went out and drank her face off.
Oh and by the way this is right after she said that she was “scared to go outside because there is a bounty on her head”. I believe she is talking about the absinthe hallucination fairy.
Alright. What a tale last night has become! I’m going to tell it from the moment me and Devy Wevy Bevy (DWB) left the apartment
to the moment we got back to the apartment. until after the show (nothing exciting happened at the apartment. We listened to “Stay Here” and I washed my wounds… you’ll understand)
And I promise we were not drunk, though it’s going to seem like it. I took about 3 pictures with my camera and 3 twitpics, took some notes that I can barely read today and sang along politely, while I developed a baby crush on Lee D, Linc the Sink and Osama Bin Laden the bongo player.
Grab some lunch…. this is long. There are random pictures thrown in for some color. Enjoy!
4:45: DWB showed up at my apartment. I’m clearly not ready because instead of getting ready I decided to watch the hour-long set of Mumford & Sons’ Glastonbury . Yes, judge me for not prepping for the Lee D concert with Lee D music. It was that goddamn vortex I was telling you about.
4:50: I slap on some mascara and eyeshadow, and I even did my hair, kind of. (I tried to look pretty and presentable for the world). I threw on shorts and a shirt and then decided on what shoes to wear. I always wear flip-flops in the summer, but I thought “hey… night out. Let’s wear the peep toe flats I never wore before to a concert. Brilliant idea!”. <– more on that later. DWB was wearing these ho styled board shorts and t-shirt that I’m pretty sure is her boyfriend’s, so needless to say.. I looked better than her. BURN!
5:10: We left the apartment and in our delusion from the beautiful weather thought it was a the greatest idea to walk 50 BLOCKS to the theater!!! Spoiler alert: it was the worst idea we’ve ever had.
5:11-6:34 walking, walking, walking. About 20 blocks in I decide my feet are freakin’ killing me and these shoes are the dumbest idea ever. In my need to impress mode I chose shoes that are making my feet want to die. Literally die. I wished I had no feet at one point. But I soldiered on because I dream of being a Marine one day.. HOO RAH! (not true). So, we walked and walked and about 2 blocks from the theater we stopped at a light and I check out my heels that felt like they are on fire and sure enough…. I’m bleeding out from my heels. True Blood was oozing from me. (eww sorry that was gross and not funny) My heels looked like I decided to exfoliate with sandpaper and moisturize with hemoglobin. DWB judgedme, and I immediately turn on the dramatics and run to the CVS. By the way, what does CVS stand for??
Anyway, I ran around CVS looking for band-aids all while looking like a maniac, finally found some and then I proceeded to go get a Red Bull because I needed it. DWB wanted Zebra Cakes. Zebra Cakes were lacking, so she bought Ring Dings.
I purchased my crap, sat down on the, probably bed bug ridden floor of CVS, and bandaged my wounds. I felt like a new woman after the band -aids were placed and I sipped on my Red Bull. DWB ripped open those Ring Dings and we munched on those as we walked the last block to the theater.
6:36-7:14: There was a lot of people on line already. I didn’t think there would be and I felt bad for deciding to walk 50 blocks and not get there sooner. My feet felt awful too. But oh well. We got a spot right across from the George Washington hotel and I was immediately enraged it’s not the Abe Lincoln Hotel. Also, Lee D’s van was there and I know this because of the nice post it notes everyone left. I was thinking of leaving The Revolution business card on the windshield. I decided against it because 1) he could care less and 2) I don’t have business cards.
The chugging of the Red Bull and eating of the 1 1/2 Ring Dings was already a bad idea because I had a tender tummy, but to pass the time we counted the air conditions on the building (238 by the way) and DWB passed out Ring Dings to the girls in front of us:
DWB: This sounds weird but do you want a Ring Ding??
Nice girl: Uhhhh? Sure! Thanks!
DWB: I don’t want to ask the girls behind us because their mom is with them and they’ll think I’m a weirdo….
Rocco: That injected the Ring Dings with crack/cocaine.
^^^^ who says that??? Me! because I’m inappropriate sometimes.
7:15: We got to the bouncer who “checks” our bags and DWB offered him Ring Dings and he takes some and puts in his bag for later. It was a sweet moment between two now life long friends.
7:20: We got into the building and I had to pee so bad. So I aimlessly walked down the stairs and can’t find a toilet. I asked a strange woman sitting in the dark on a stool where it was and she pointed with the least amount of enthusiasm I’ve ever seen to the door next to her. I peed. Me and DWB read the bathroom stalls and apparently Jessie is a whore and you should call her for a good time.
7:30: We went upstairs and stood in a decent spot waiting for the opening acts. We googled words like blanched, braised, and discussed what war General Patton was a General for. <– WWII. We also discussed the structure of the spine because I swore my spine meniscus was in pain (apparently that doesn’t exist) And this is the point I almost knocked a man’s beer out of his hand and then accidentally grazed his ass with the back of my hand. If that was anyone’s husband or boyfriend… I apologize. It was an accident. I was not macking and/or spitting game.
THE SHOW!! (most of you just skipped to this part didn’t you??? well, you missed some good stuff above)
The first guy who went on:
I can’t remember his name but he was a guido with suspenders. Is he always on tour with Lee D. because he needs to be. He wore suspenders!! And he had a male equivalent to a camel toe. HE DID! Don’t deny it NY people who saw the show. Me and DWB leaned in and at the same time said “I can see the outlines of his balls”. He was good. Jammed on his guitar and had his harmonica, but honestly… I kept staring at his crotch because I was so distracted.
Corey Crowder “like the peas”
First off… I didn’t know there wear peas called “crowder”
Anyway, DWB swore he looked like Ron Weasley…. I think she did inject the Ring Dings with crack/cocaine because I had no idea what she was talking about. He wasn’t even a ginge.
Corey was from Georgia so of course we had to say “mason dixon line” and we made an emotional mason dixon line, and I’m not really sure why or what that means this morning. It was a strange moment. We fought over who would be the north and who would be the south. DWB said I had to be the south because of my shirt that I was wearing. Just remember, I looked more presentable, kind of.
(I have a note in my book that says “threatened us- hates NY” under Corey. Not really sure what that means or why I wrote that. But my idea book never lies, so let’s just say he threatened the crowd and hates NY???)
Corey was good, but at this point my spine really hurt, I was still bleeding, the Ring Ding was doing funny things to my digestive track and I just wanted to see Lee because that’s why I was there. Corey kept telling anecdotes about his life and dogs and how he may or may not have illegitimate children. I don’ t really know… where was LEEEEE?!?!?!?
* this would be a good time for a bathroom break or a snack break. I’m about to get into Lee D *
(Warning: I’m gonna fan girl out and say how much I enjoyed it, but I’m also going to make fun a little bit because this is The Revolution you’re reading. But, I think the fact that I paid to see the guy proves I’m a fan, so you can relax people who don’t like me or the Revolution. Anyway, enjoy and thanks for reading! Whether you like me or not traffic is traffic on a blog so mucho gracias!)
Okay. So, Lee D was coming on stage and the lights were going (all different colored lights) and the music was blaring and the crowd was going nuts. I thought he was gonna come out doing cartwheels. Or a dance. Or strip. I thought it was a chip ‘n’ dales performance and I was about to see Lee Bear naked. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on who you are, no nakedness happened. He just strutted on stage in THE BEST OUTFIT HE COULD HAVE WORN! with his hair looking like a f**king dessert.
Seriously. Did you guys see his ensemble. I’m pretty sure he had a black satin tie on, a black shirt, a grey blazer of sorts and a new pair of jeans (I couldn’t see his shoes, but I’m sure they weren’t Payless). I almost fell over. He looked like an attractive sportscaster person. DWB looked at me and said, “he has a giant head! maybe it’s his Ryan Cabrera hair??” I immediately told her how his hair has a restraining order against me because I love it so much. It looked like something I’d want to eat last night. The best I’ve ever seen it. Thank you for doing your hair Lee D.
I couldn’t stop thinking how he looked like a sportscaster person in that jacket. It was straight cracking me up. I don’t even know what he was saying when he came out because all I wanted was for him to sing “Earth Stood Still” in that outfit. And then he did.
Earth Stood Still: THE BEST GODDAMN SONG EVER! The minute I heard that guitar strum in the beginning I told DWB not to talk to me because, and I quote, “this is my jam!” and I threw my hands around like I was in a gang. The person behind me was so annoyed I’m sure because one, I was loud and two, I was a white person in a pink shirt with frills screaming about “jams”. She hated me.
Anyway, the song sounded great and I stared at him like he was a prize that I wanted to win while I silently sang along. Everyone seemed into it because it’s the song of all freakin’ songs (see what I did there??). After the song ended I turned to DWB and said, “is that not the greatest thing you’ve ever heard??”. She wasn’t as enthusiastic as me (but who is??), but she understood why I was so into it.
“Dear Isabelle” was next and that’s a fun song. DWB seemed to like it, but I think she was more into Linc the Sink because at one point she said to me she wanted to do something to him that I won’t write out because Mamadukes is reading this and I don’t want her to judge me and DWB because we are classy ladies. Linc the Sink was banging on those ivories like a mofo and he’s a little bit of a sex symbol in his own way.
I also found the lighting guy to be racist and not lighting up my fav new bongo player, Osama Bin Laden. Can we get a spotlight on this dude??? He had his bongos, his metal rainstick/weapon, his dried acorn/yodel shaker and I’m pretty sure he was shaking around a dead rattle snake at one point.
Osama Bin Laden and Linc the Sink were having an intense bromance behind Lee. They were giving each other the eyes and bro-ing out! It was a beautiful thing to watch.
Anyway, back to the show: To be honest with you guys… I can’t even remember the setlist. He performed “Stay”, the new song that is really repetitive and is about staying somewhere (it was soooooo much better live, I liked the song more) and he mashed that up with one of his old songs about laying on the wooden floor,
“Where You Lie” ”Princess”???. He sounded awesome on that song and was really animated. He was kinda jamming out with his version of dancing. He seemed to be having a good time and it was reflecting in his voice. “Annabelle” was a great performance and he said it’s his favorite song he’s ever written so that’s cool.
I still have no idea what he’s saying in “Live It Up” during the bridge and I’m just gonna chalk it up to me and Lee D have MASSIVE miscommunications but it’s funny.
He also sang “Pretty Eyeballs” and this was one of the funniest moments to me during the whole show:
1) He had purple J Biebs lighting because I’m starting to think his chick is really into J Biebs. He always has the J Biebs lighting during this song. It’s either that or he is really into J Biebs and he likes angel muffins eyeballs. And if that’s the case… his chick is very misunderstood.
2) The unnecessary “f**k” that was in this song. Of course I LOSE it when he sings this and can not stop laughing just because it’s funny to me. Does that mean you love her more because you f**king love her?? It sounds stalker-ish to me to be honest, so of course that makes me giggle.
3) At the end I THINK (??) he made a joke about crying when he was wiping the sweat off his eyes and that was witty. But if he really was crying I just made this awkward because I was laughing at him. Soooo yeah?? Another miscommunication between the two of us, yeah??
He sang a bunch of other stuff too. “Beautiful Like You” sounded great. I forgot that I liked that song, so it was nice to hear it live. And I really can’t remember what else he sang (I’m sorry my memory is for shit and it all went so fast), I enjoyed it all though. It was a great show. He sounded awesome, his banter was better than I’ve seen, and he seemed to really like NYC, but what can I say?? It’s a great freakin’ city. It certainly kicks LA’s ass and he should move here because we are better and it’s more fun and even our trust fund babies have some class unlike the LA wannabe actors. Wait, what?? Anyway, the show was great. I’m not even a huge “Hallelujah” fan but I enjoyed that song too.
My only beef was NO “STAY HERE”!! WHAT???!! WHHHHHHHAT?!?!? *sob* I wanted to dance. Even in my nasuese state I was gonna shake my groove thang to that song in honor of Dancing Baby who was waiting for my phone call so he could dance too.
You broke his little baby heart Lee D.
After the show: (this is so long. I’m sorry. I owe you all 15 minutes of your life back)
I met mmedgar3 last night and she’s so nice!! She was nothing but complimentary of the Revolution and it’s so nice to put a face to the name. Seriously. I appreciate all your kind words and it was awesome to meet you and your husband. And I think she met Lee D so YAY!!!
Now… the beef with me not going to meet him. For those of you questioning (if you care)… it’s just not my style. In real life, I’m a shy person, so even if I met him as the real me, I’d feel like I was bothering him asking for a picture or autograph. My thought process is, the poor guy is probably exhausted and just wants to go have dinner with his friends and the last thing he wants to do is have a 5 minute discussion with me.
And I definitely wasn’t going up to him and being like “Hey I’m Rocco!!! Remember me?? You’re a massive fan of my humor!”. I’m sure what he wants even less than what I described above is some blogger who writes, what I find to be satire, but what he or others might not find funny and translate to me not being a fan, going up to him. I would love to meet him one day, but last night just wasn’t the right night. One day we will be BFF. Like the title says, we are BFF’s in both our heads. Right, Lee D?? RIGHT?!?!?
Plus, my spine bones and juices were paining, I was starving because all I had was a pint of blueberries and 1 1/2 ring dings, and I’m secretly a recluse and crowds make me nervous.
The show was great, me and DWB had a blasty blast, I wish I could have met more of you, but he loves NYC so much he’ll be back (he’s obv at a real estate agent today because he’s moving here) and Lee D was the exact opposite of a sucky musician last night. He killed it… I’m so happy I paid $18, plus massive fees that make no sense, to see him. I’d let my spine pain any day to see him in concert again.
PS Sorry this is so long and by the way, my heels still look like a seen from CSI. I blame Lee Bear.
PSS you can see DWB fro in this picture:
The right side in the middle toward the back. DWB Fro is is in everyone’s way. Way to go.
If I don’t get a ticket into Oprah’s kingdom by sending flattering tweets to the Pope… I don’t know what else will.
Nice papal robe, Benny #stylishmofo!
It’s okay Justin Bieber has more followers than you #turntheothercheek
Wanna play words with friends?? #illkickyourassinthatgame
Do you like Lindsay Lohan?? #isshegettingintoheaven?
Seriously. That guy above has a twitter. I’m amazed that he isn’t frightened by the thought of computers, so a twitter account is just blowing my mind, as I’m sure his is too.
Maybe the Pope can ask the Lord to up the characters from 140 to like 180??? Because I feel like Benny could use those extra 40 for nothing but good.
I read through his tweets and I’m bored. I thought he was going to be funny or passing out penances or something. Nothing he’s just giving us news and that’s what Ryan Seacrest is for!
Maybe he can redeem himself during a Twitter Jamboree??
I’m out of control with Mumford & Sons right now. It’s
starting to affect still affecting my everyday life. I have so many things to do today, but I just spent the past hour on YouTube being sucked into the Mumford & Sons vortex. Good thing I don’t have work today because I would obviously have to call out so I can finish my journey into the vortex.
“Lover Of The Light” is one of my favorite Mum & Sons songs, and I know I say that about every song (because I honestly can’t say I don’t like any of them) but this song is magical and enchanting to me. I’m sure there are some sort of subliminal messaging in it, because I suddenly want to own a vest.
I promise any of you my first-born if you can get me to see Mumford & Sons live anywhere in this world in the near future. You can have baby “cave” once they arrive on this fine planet.
PS Oh Oprah! There are more videos from this Paris show. You see what I mean about the vortex???
Okay… I’m done. I promise.
I’m not a huge Colbie Caillat fan, but here is the music video for her new song “Brighter Than The Sunshine” for those massive Colbie Caillat fans.
This song needs to be the theme song of The Hills circa 2011 because it has the word ‘sunshine’ in it.
And because that song/video underwhelmed me, let’s watch this so we can all giggle unanimously.
Is that crude?? I don’t care. And plus, he has pie all over his face and no one should waste good pie and licking it off of his face is the only way to get rid of it.
I don’t really know what this has to do with his movie Cosmopolis but it’s R Pattz in frosting, so I’m on board.
Here are some un-frosted pictures for those of you who are lactose intolerant.
He really is so good-looking. It’s astounding to me.
Guess who is out of the prison that is also known as her posh Malibu home??
Yes, you read that right… Lindsay Lohan is a free woman so hide your children and your expensive jewelery. And to be safe… hide anything that may resemble cocaine. You don’t need her busting into your house at 2AM looking for her candy!
I know. I shouldn’t judge and listen to her when she says she has changed her ways… but let’s be real, how many times has she said this?? About 93894385 times??
Is anyone having a gamble to see how long it takes her to f**k up and get sent back to court?? I hope it’s within the month because I feel like the month of July is slow in pop culture news.
Her birthday is July 2nd so I’m sure that will go as planned. And by as planned, I mean the way a drug addict plans their birthday.
A little backstory:
A few months ago, me, Paula (@PaulaKO1984) and Tati (@TatisR) (follow them on Twitter because they are funny and not obnoxious) had this brilliant beyond brilliant idea to have a boy band themed Glee episode. And yes it would just be Nsync and Backstreet Boys, but what other boy bands are there really?? Don’t you dare say LFO (RIP Rich Cronin)
Anyway, Ryan Murphy clearly probed our brains while we were in a deep slumber and took our ideas! (and hopefully nothing else… I am missing my favorite pink nail polish)
Okay, that’s just Nick Carter saying that they would love to do it if they were asked, but that’s pretty much signing a contract with the writers of Glee. How do you think Gwyneth Platrow got on the show?? She probably wrote one sentence about it on Goop!
I’d like my check Ryan Murphy. And I’m pretty sure Paula and Tati would like some money too. Our ideas don’t come for free. We ain’t Glee ho’s!!
Mr. Murphy… you can have your people call our people. Or just send Cory Monteith to our houses.
Posted June 29, 2011on:
Remember when I told you that Jake Gyllenhaal was going to hang out with Bear from Man Vs Wild (HERE)???? Well, I now have a 30 second preview of this manly date and they have a discussion about balls (as in testicles) so I think that proves my point.
That’s kinda hot. Hope they brought protection.
And I’m talking about harnesses…. get your head out of the gutter.
Man VS Wild airs July 11. Get your popcorn and gay male friends around for a viewing party.