People who behave exactly like toddlers (i.e cry and/or throw articles of clothing) who are above the age of toddlers most likely are into cocaine. It’s just a scientific fact that Leonardo DiCaprio taught me in The Basketball Diaries. Don’t blame me… blame drug addicts and science for coming together and conceiving a fact!

Lady Gaga was a guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance because 1) she’s a super awesome dancer and 2) she’s probably sleeping with Nigel Lythgoe after a drug binge (or before?).

You can watch these people dance if you want (let me know if you cry… if so, I’ll call Promises Rehabilitation Center for ya!) or you can just cut to 2:25 to make fun of Lady Gaga like I did.

1) That is the shortest man I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know Nigel Lythgoe was now employing children for child labor dancing.

2) WHY IS LADY GAGA CRYING?!?!??! Too bad the tears didn’t wipe off the piece of poop on her face. Or fly up and smear her eyebrows. That would actually make me cry.

WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING?!?!? Am I a heartless wench? Maybe. But when I cry, it usually ends in someone throwing my a tissue and telling me to get myself together quickly because crying on the 6 train is inappropriate.  Not applause. Double standard.

*edit* I can’t find video of her throwing her shoe… but I heard that happened. If not, I don’t retract a word of what I said above.

-Rocco