Like in his mouth.

There was some swimming competition that wasn’t the Olympics so no one knows it happened or really cares (you’re welcome for bringing it to your attention) and Ryan Lochte won a medal.

But that’s not what I’m going to talk about because male swimmers freak me out (it’s like they are part frog and hairless). I’m going to talk about his mouth because dude went all Kanye West on us and has diamonds in his mouth!!!

I wonder how the chlorine pool water feels against his diamond grill?? I’m pretty sure it weighs you down, so we know he’s not that smart.

He looks like an idiot. But the sad part is he still got laid that night because he had a shiny gold medal swinging from his neck. I mean, one flash of that baby and I’d let him buy me a tequila shot.

-Rocco