That Serena Van Woodson HO is so lucky I didn’t see her riding bikes with Leonardo DiCaprio in NYC this weekend because I would have stuck a tree branch in her spokes just to see her fall, and then DiCaprio would hate her because he needs a girl who is a ride or die girl! RIGHT??!?!

I don’t know what breaks my heart more… the fact that Blake Lively is still dating Leo or that I’m currently wearing the same headband in my hair as Leo has in his.

Anyway, back to this bike outing, girl can’t even ride a real bike. It looks like an electric bike! How lazy can you get Gossip Girl?? Use your damn leg muscles and ride an actual bike.

And no. I’m not jealous or bitter about this relationship one bit!

Leo doesn’t even look like a moron though. Which is impressive because he’s wearing cargo shorts again and those haven’t been acceptable since like 1996. He transcends time. It’s okay.

But what’s not okay is this relationship. I’m plotting how to break them up right now.

-Rocco