Because Stupid People Bought Snooki’s First Book, She Wrote Another
Posted October 27, 2011on:
Snooki followed up her New York Time’s Bestseller *deep breath* with Confessions of a Guidette. Basically, she tells us all how to be like her, and I’m guessing if we all get skin cancer, have an STD, get alcohol poisoning once, and dress like a Halloween costume, we’re on the right track. Now, we just need some leopard prints and glitter.
(Note: Unless I have an unexpected celebrity fan base… she makes more money than you. Let that sink in.)
This is some of the enrichment she is placing on her readers. Get ready for it. It’ll probably change your life:
“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”
“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”
“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”
“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”
“I like to wear so many accessories that people are confused.”
“Guidettes are born with attitude. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, skinny, round, or a Smurf, or what your background is, we put on our bronzer and we fricken rock our princess status. Like, get out of our way, we don’t care what you think. Unless you’re a mirror.”
That’s all really educational info. Now, we know what the Snooki army will look, sound, and smell like… so we can easily take them out.
I wonder if her books are infused into the American high school English curriculum yet?? It’s really only a matter of time at this point.