Is he the new Chris Brown?? Okay.. that might be a little judge-y, but it’s my job to relate things. I’m a pop culture scientist.

Adam Lambert was definitely the most stylish person last night in the Finland jail.

Do I get my one phone call??

Clearly, the greatest story that will come out of today’s news is the arrest of Adam Lambert and I’ll tell you why:

1) He got arrested in Finland, which makes me laugh. I always think of Finland as one of those places that don’t have real cops… just  men walking around with whistles and funny hats, so the idea of them apprehending a person is hilarious.

2) He was arrested because he was fighting with his boyfriend outside of a gay club.

Adam Lambert has officially made it. He got his fabulous and stylish ass thrown into jail for having a lover’s quarrel in public. He just needs a few trips to rehab and a mental breakdown and he’s the gay/white Bobby Brown.

Plus, you totally know he used that walk to his jail cell as a runway to showcase the fun outfit he was wearing for the gay club.

I really want to know more details about this, like what they were fighting over??(hair product, glittery eye shadow, why Kris Allen spells his name with a “K”??), Who won the fight?? Were punches thrown?? How long he was in jail?? These are questions that will plague me all day.

I hope Adam Lambert tweets about this. Or I hope his fans, who will yell at me for writing about this, will lay down some details in the middle of their defense.

But seriously… who would win in a fight between those two??

-Rocco