(I think I’m the last person on the planet to report on the X Factor finale and I uhhh??? Totally did that on purpose)

That crazy ass lady won, didn’t she???

Shocker.

Let’s get into this mess:

Because of the holidays (Happy Birthday Jesus) the contestants got to sing holiday songs. I’m a little disappointed in Melanie for not singing something about her lord savior in her accent. She’s a fraud. She sang a freakin’ Mariah Carey song. Bull!

I’m attracted to Chris Rene. I don’t even mind that pesky little drug problem. His hats trump that.

Josh Beast Man does not sing  the Christmas song from Beauty and the Beast. This finale is nothing but a huge let down for me.

And then clearly the best part of the whole season is Justin Bieber. HE’S SUCH AN ANGEL MUFFIN!!!

He has a satin green shirt and a baby swoop bang. This needs to be its own post. I love him and his outlandish Christmas outfits. I’ll get back to this later.

Then X Factor made fun of Nicole and Paula, which was a segment I probably produced in one of my dreams.

Seriously though, is Nicole coming back on next season???

And out of freakin’ no where…. 50 Cent came out with the Lakers and that rapping kid Astro, who I completely forgot about. 50 Cent was ready to shoot himself in the jaw 9 times again. He never wanted to be anywhere else.

Is this what the Lakers during a lockout??

And now for Melanie having a complete mental breakdown sans a burning bush, a foreign language, and Rachel Crow coming out to beat her with a toilet seat.

I’m not gonna lie… I’m glad this season is over. I’m tired of this show, it’s a mess, and I can’t imagine what Melanie is going to do with $5 million. Maybe Rosetta Stone???

-Rocco