Pretty Little Liars: ‘A’ Has A Crappy Phone And Caleb Is Back From Being An Extra In “Twilight”
Posted January 3, 2012on:
AHHHH!!! Pretty Little Liars is back. 2012 might be the year the world ends, but I’m okay with that as long as we find out who A is because I need to know what bastard is under that Black Hooded Figure. I also need to know how Butt Chin Falcon Boy keeps food out of his chin. And I need to know that Hanna and Caleb fall in love and have millions of babies.
Let’s get into last night’s premiere, because I’m so excited I can hardly type!
Thank god there is a “previous on” because I can’t remember shit! Basically A/ Black Hooded Figure is just ruining these girls’ lives! The girls are in jail and Not Blind Bitch Jenna and the cute cop are killers and mean and in love.
- Oh right off the bat… orange jump suits and picking up garbage.
- Some lesbian in an orange jumpsuit is making fun of the girls which causes Emily and Spencer to brawl. If boys watched this… they’d love it.
-The theme song is still the greatest theme song in the history of theme songs.
- HANNA!!!!! I just love when she’s on-screen because I want her to be my BFF. Everyone is mad at Hanna because she told her new step mom that her dad slept with her mom (got that??) because A made her.
- Hanna and Emily (Emily is still staying at Hanna’s) hate each other for some reason. I’m so confused.
- Emily gets a fax (because those still happen) and she’s perturbed.
- Aria is walking with her brother, Mike, who has great hair and looks cute. SHE RUNS INTO EZRA!!
- Awkward! Last time Ezra saw Aria… Aria’s mom yelled at him because she thought he was sleeping with Spencer. How wrong she was!!
-Cute cop (totes mcgotes forgot his name) and Spencer run into each other and Spencer is making fun of him for dating that blind bitch Jenna.
-Spencer’s all Nancy Drew again and she’s talking about Jason 2.0 and I can only hope there isn’t someone new cast as Jason because Jason 2.o had great hair.
- Emily’s not allowed to swim anymore and she’s going to go on a rampage.
- Aria’s mom is being a super bitch to Spencer and now Spencer and Emily are throwing books at each other… so strange.
- “You were always my favorite? Want to make a deal?? -A” <—- AGHHH!! Emily is going to be BFF with A.
- Where is Caleb?? That’s my only question in mind.
-Why is everyone mean to Emily?? I don’t get this. Did I miss an episode?? Emily just got a letter from Spencer saying meet tonight… all secretive.
- Hanna is still friends with that nerdy guy and he’s still hitting on her.
- Ezra and Aria’s Dad are hanging out at work.
- BUTT CHIN FALCON BOY!!!! His Butt Chin is still a butt chin. Spencer is talking to him and being all defensive like usual. Butt Chin bought Spencer a rocking chair, or he made it. What an awful gift!
- Spencer is yelling at Butt Chin not to lover and all he wants to do is have someone love him and his butt chin. Spencer is a raging maniac this episode.
- All the girls meet up and of course were playing everyone all along. They are all best friends the whole time and they are the smartest girls alive!!
- They have concocted this whole plan about fake evidence and the cop and Jenna… still confused and I miss Caleb.
- CALLLLLLEEEEEBBBB!!!!!! Did I call that or what?! UGH! He got prettier, if that’s possible. I love him. SO much.
- Butt Chin wants Emily’s help with Spencer, she says no because they used to sleep together… it’s awkward.
- Ezra’s ex girlfriend is a total bitch!! And Ezra just caught her being a bitch. Good!
- Caleb just sashays around the school like he’s a model. I love him so much. But of course they make it seem shady.
- Spencer and Emily stage a fight about “the evidence”. Ohhhh someone’s getting an Emmy.
-”See you tonight, BFF – A” <— Black Hooded Figure/A is a moron.
- Ezra and Aria are telling her parents that they’ve been having an illegal relationship and he loves her and Aria’s mom is ready to murder him. They lock hands! This is beautiful… this is Romeo & Juliet.
- Mike just straight up punches Ezra in the face?? WHAT?! Mike is an angsty teenager.
- Remember how Ezra and Aria met?? In a bathroom… ahhh memories.
Okay.. I’m over this Ezra/Aria storyline… I need more Caleb.
-Spencer is getting set to leave and Butt Chin steps in all heroic like. Spencer is gonna beat Butt Chin… I’m actually afraid she’s going to kill him. Spencer has it in her.
- Of course Aria and Hanna are stuck home, so it’s just Emily and Spencer….. and probably Black Hooded Figure.
- BLACK HOODED FIGURE!! How I’ve missed him!! Emily is there and has the “box”. Emily is speaking in riddles and I’m just waiting for some hot guy to come out from under Black Hooded Figure.
-Emily has no back up so she’s a moron. BHF is of course going bananas and trying to stab Emily. The liars have BHF cornered but he’s smarter than them and gets away.
- Hanna hits him with her car (how poetic) but he walks away because he’s goddamn superhuman at this point.
- Spencer is bugging out because he got away, but then… they find… THE PHONE!!
THEY HAVE BHF’s PHONE!!! I would think BHF would have at least an iPhone 4. I think that phone is a droid or something.
BHF realizes they have no phone and break their car window. Whoops!
What an excellent show! I’m glad it’s back and I’m glad we still have no idea what’s going on so this show can continue for another 7 seasons.
PS Just a head’s up. Pretty Little Liar recaps/freakouts will be on Wednesday nights because that’s when I’ll be able to get to them. Please do not pull an ‘A’ and stalk me via phone/try to kill me all the time. And don’t send a fake blind person after me. Please and thank you.
You can send me Caleb though.