This will be the greatest story you will read …all day. I promise you that.

I’m pretty sure that’s how the seal actually looked. This picture has not been doctored at all.

Shakria was doing things that only Shakira does, I’m assuming something like proving her hips don’t lie and wakka wakka-ing all over the place, when a seal, out for a vengeance, attacked her!

Shakira bravely took to her Facebook page to explain how her brother defeated the murderous seal:

This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals. I thought to myself how cute they were so I decided to get a bit closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock trying to pet them doing a baby talk while taking pictures… Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me. Everyone there screamed, including me. I was paralyzed by fear and couldn’t move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother “Super Tony” jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast. We both got our hands and legs scratched by the rocks while trying to protect ourselves. I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny reflection of the blackberry I was taking these pics with, with some sort of fish. It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it. Wow! It’s funny that only half an hour before I was complaining to my guide Andrew that I never get to see wild animals up close on adventurous trips. Oh well, I can’t say that anymore!! Now I’m off to see some penguins! I hope they are a bit more friendly!

So basically, that so-called douche bag seal was just a massive Steve Jobs/iPhone fan, and when Shakira started shaking her Blackberry in its face, “the beast” got angry with Shakira.

Totally understandable.

Thank Oprah, “Super Tony” was there to save the day.

I’m glad this seal thinks everything is so damn funny.

-Rocco