I haven’t live-ished blog Pretty Little Liars in quite sometime (and considering you’re reading this the day after….), so just be prepared for a serious caps lock party and lots of Caleb pictures and me pretty much having no clue what’s going on.

(Just thought that might be necessary)

All I remember from last week was Spencer put her Nancy Drew aside and became a drunken whore on a weekday. It was brilliant.

Make out with me??

Oh and I also remember Aria doing the best acting she’s ever done in her life when she’s sobbing in the car because Ezra wants to go party in New Orleans.

And last but not least, let’s not forget Black Hooded Figure now has a gun and seems to have excellent aim. Perfect. I don’t have a picture for this… but trust me.

- Maya ran away and Emily is all pissed because that was her lover. Maya is clearly Black Hooded Figure and is planning on going on a murderous rampage.

I'll kill ya.

-Emily and Hanna keep turning the light on and off in the bedroom and I feel like I might have a seizure.

-Spencer’s sister, Melissa, is telling Spenc about why she’s hanging out with Garrett, which is a giant mistake because Garrett loves blind people.

Our Dad is a man whore.

- Melissa admits to sending threatening texts to Allison right before she died. Melissa will probably give birth to her baby in jail.

-7 minutes in and there’s already not enough Caleb.

Where am I?

- I just want to say I love Hanna’s mom. She’s great. She’s a felon and takes her daughter to father/daughter dances.

- “A” is threatening to kill the girls’ parents. The girls think Melissa is “A”. Spenc is obviously denying this.

You guys, stop.

- Spencer needs to stop with this Nancy Drew shit. She’s out of control. Maybe she’s “A”.?? These Hasting girls are crazy.

- Detective Man wants Hanna’s mom to steal Hanna’s phone. THE JIG IS UP!

Umm I don't think so.

- Shit. Caleb is in some town I can’t spell, so he won’t be in this episode. Waste of an hour.

- OHHH NOOOOO! Hanna Sees her mom talking to Detective Man. DAMN IT!

- I really wish Detective Man’s name wasn’t Wilding. I don’t even know how to spell it.

-  Aria’s hot brother is trying to shave. How adorable. I didn’t realize he hit puberty. He DJ’s too? Love him.

Against the grain... or with the grain??

- Aria’s brother lays down some truth on Aria about her relationship with Ezra. BOO YAH! Aria …  and then Aria gave a great response of love being worth fighting for…BOO YAH! SCHOOLED! BURN!

- I love how Emily’s Dad is all into her lesbian ways right now.

Thanks, Daddy!

- Nancy Drew’s dad is so into her and wants to hang out with her. All the time. And she’s really into snooping through his crap.

- Oh snap! Locked draw. Murder weapon is obviously in there.

- Spencer is looking at a piece of paper that says “cash” and she’s shocked. I have no idea why… I don’t get it.

I'm not confused... I'm Nancy Drew

- Of course shady ass Melissa catches Spenc snooping and Spencer IS THE WORSE NANCY DREW EVER!!!

-Emily goes to the bus station to ask about Maya… Maya didn’t get on the bus to San Fran. Everyone’s “A”!!!

I'm not "A".

- I don’t understand why Hanna won’t tell her Mom everything. I would be in the fetal position, in tears, telling my mother and father everything. Annnnd Hanna just threw her phone in the soapy water. Shit just got real.

- Why are there always dances at this school? The budget for extra curricular activities at this school is out of control.

This is not Footloose

- OH GAWD! Emily’s Dad is going back to war. Isn’t this in real-time?? Obama ended that shit! “A” is clearly the entire country of Afghanistan.

- Aria’s dad, Byron, is such a nerd.

- I kinda feel bad for nerd Byron. Aria is just laying it on him and being all bitchy because she’s sleeping with an older man.

- Who’s on the motorcycle??!?!? BUTT CHIN FALCON BOY?!?!? WILL WE EVER KNOW?!?!?!

I ride motorcycles now

- Aria tells Hanna’s mom that she sent the police report to Hanna and feeds her some BS story about Hanna being a kleptomaniac. These girls are good liars… dare I say… Pretty Little Liars. BAM! I’m good.

- Spencer’s Daddy-O is very upset because something is missing from his desk drawer… A GUN!! BLACK HOODED FIGURE STOLE THE GUN!!!

-Annnnd Spencer’s Dad has a folder with pictures of Allison in it. Not creepy at all. Totally normal.

- Bryon is being a weirdo… he might be “A”. And Mike (Aria’s brother) is spitting some truth… he might be the hot teenage version of Jesus.

- Mr. Hastings was having a private detective look into Allison’s case. He thinks Melissa had something to do with it. THIS FAMILY IS SO F#@KED UP!

- Melissa is lurking around like a creepy person… SHE’S “A”! She’s stealing guns and killing people MY GOD!

- Hanna’s mom is a genius and knows that Aria is a goddamn liar.

- Soem hot guy see’s Aria and says “Vivian”?? I don’t know what that means? I have no idea.

- BHF gets a newspaper and Maya is on the cover and it says missing girl. IS SHE “A”?? I”M SO CONFUSED!!

“A” will be revealed in 2 episodes?? thank god. I can’t watch this show anymore.

SAY WHAAAT!?!?

It feels good to be back.

-R