(I clearly do not know any Stevie Wonder songs off the top of my head to work into that title)

Thank God Whitney Houston can’t hear this and thank God Stevie Wonder can’t see this.

It’s the top 13 American Idol  Live-ish blog and this shit is gonna get real tonight. No one can sing Whitney Houston  (I’m talking to you Jessica Sanchez) and only Bucky Covington can sing Stevie Wonder!

Hahah Remember him?? I do. And I think he sang “Superstition”. Or am I wrong?

It doesn’t matter.

Very superstitious.... writing on the walls.....

Oscar loves this theme because he knows these people will mess it up as well!

I just hope Heejun Han sings “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”…. THAT IS ALL I WANT!

Ok let’s get into this 2 hour mess of a show (and yes… I took these pictures from another blog, but that blog doesn’t have funny Idol live-ish blogs, so their loss. I’m lazy and resourceful… so sue me)

J Lo has a camel toe (or as my beloved Aunt Liz calls it… a camel paw!)

400 episodes!! That means I’ve watched this show at least 350 times.

P^2 did not dress up (yesss) and Heejun did his hair like a 3rd grader on picture day at school.

Joshua:

Mary J Blige is teaching him how to sing the “Wild Wild West” song. Perfect.

I love Jimmy Iovine.. he’s such a douche bag.

I love when white people sing this because they have to say “nappy headed boy”.

I honestly do not remember this guy… at all. But he’s an awful dancer. Is he the token black church guy who is probably gay?? So far… yes.

Randy has a boner, J Lo would have one if her pants weren’t so tight, and Steven Tyler is probably drunk.

Elise:

I think that’s Elise and she spells her name wrong. Who is her mother?? Clearly someone who doesn’t know how to spell!

She’s singing “Greatest Love Of All” and Mary J Blige hates her and is making her sing “I’m Your Baby Tonight” and now everyone hates Elise and she’s gonna cry.

Mary J Blige thinks her voice is dope.

She always sounds like a man to me.

J Lo is rude and just called Whitney a beast (the woman is dead J Lo…. shut your mouth!), Steven Tyler has got some more highlights and hates Elise, and Randy has a crying child on his jacket and wants to box Elise.

Elise wants to learn the songs for a month… has this girl watched American Idol??? I guess not.

Jermaine:

Gentle Giant. I’m not gonna make fun of this man, because he could punch me in the face and kill me in one shot. Even Jimmy Iovine is afraid of him.

But he does have a lisp when he talks.

This guy is ridiculous. I’ll never be his fan, I’m gonna go get a drink and pop in an Ellio’s pizza. Ever have one of those? They are delicious.

They all love him… or fear him??

Erica Van Pelt:

Is that Gossip Girl?? Is that the right picture? I honestly can’t tell these white girls apart.

“what lady doesn’t like a fan?”Actually I look better without a fan blowing dirt in my eye.

WOW! I thought a dude was singing because I wasn’t looking. Why do they all sound like men??

I really wish they didn’t put her in her prom dress from 1997 because it’s annoying me.

That song is god awful… everyone is gonna love it I’m sure.

Randy was like “yes, yes”, J Lo got goosies, and Steven Tyler is moaning because he wants that dress.

Colton:

I hope Jesus is watching this one.

And for the love of God… someone tell me what made us make fun of him with Twilight last time he was on the show?? I seriously lose sleep over this!!

Mary J Blige’s advice: He has to do him.

She’s dumb.

I have this unexplained hatred for Colton. It may be his hair… it may be the fact that  he’s like James Durbin and Adam Lambert rolled into one poser. I don’t know…  I just can’t stand him and his jeggins.

Does he have a mullet too?? I literally can’t stop critiquing his hair and entire look, so I have no idea what his song sounded like.

Steven wants his highlights,  J Lo just called him “challenged” and can’t pronounce “vulnerability” and Randy hates Colton and wants his crying face to be his next pin for his jacket.

Shannon:

Once again… can someone dye one of these white girls’ hair because I can not tell them apart.

By the way, fun fact about me… this is one of my favorite songs to sing dramatically in the shower. True story. Ask my neighbors at 6:30AM. They love it.

All these clothes must be designed by J Lo because they are all shit. And the light show is not meshing with her neon pink stripe.

She’s not good.

The judges  said a lot but what they meant was YOU SUCK!

Deandre:

Someone gave Deandre a hair tie. THANK GOD!

So my live feed went out. What is he singing? Is it bad? Does he sound like a woman? At least one of those answers is “yes.”

He’s probably whipping his hair back and forth, isn’t he?

That’s what my livestream says…. so Mama ain’t getting paid tonight. I think I’ll go read more about Snooki getting knocked up and how she hopes her child doesn’t have fetal alcohol syndrome because she drank during the 1st month.

Check back tomorrow AM for my recaps of Philip ^2 and Heejun because they are all that matters.

PS this person running the stream is freaking out… this is more entertaining than Idol.

Heejun’s mom runs this live stream, I’m sure.

-Rocco