I really need to find a way to make my title for American Idol live-ish blog more concise and compact.

YES, YOU DO!!

Oscar is freakin’ out. He’s pretending he’s Jermaine Jones tonight…. a non-gentle giant.

As many of you know, that psycho giant is getting kicked off of Idol because many people in America want to arrest him, and not just for his shitty singing. I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE THE VIDEO OF THAT CONFRONTATION!

Jermaine: What do you mean I'm going home?/ Ryan: Please don't hurt me.

Also, these crazy kids are all singing songs from the year of their birth so that means it’s basically 90′s night, which couldn’t be more perfect for me because all these songs are going to be disastrous. CAN NOT WAIT!

Let’s get into it….

Oh and Mamadukes is accompanying me, so hopefully she’s in a funny mood tonight, because if not, she’s just gonna flip back and forth from Modern Family.

Ryan Seacrest right off the bat gets all serious with a smoke machine and dim lighting, but he still says “this is american idol” like a fool.

J Lo looks like a tangerine in that dress, Randy Jackson has another demented broach on his lapel (possibly another child with a mustache?) and Steven Tyler looks like… Steven Tyler.

I can’t wait to see Heejun Han’s baby photo. CAN NOT WAIT!

Mamadukes: Steven Tyler looks normal and Ryan Seacrest is pudgy.

Phillip:

OMG P^2 ALMOST DIED AS A CHILD?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!? *sob*

Phillip^2 meets Will.I.Am and tells them he’s having surgery and dying. I love P^2 so much.

I just want to kiss him and/or his kidney’s.

Mamadukes doesn’t think P^2 is cute and she doesn’t like his name. “He’s alright”. My mother clearly doesn’t have good taste in men. (no offense Big D)

Randy loves him and his post surgery ways, J Lo thinks she’s a doctor, and Steven Tyler has a giant Jesus hanging from his neck.

Jessica Sanchez:

Mamadukes likes her. Me and Mamadukes are gonna fight it out tonight.

She calls herself Diva. I just don’t like this girl. She annoys me. I can’t even watch this. She just annoys me. And I don’t know what’s worse, the song choice or the choice of those pants.

Steven Tyler wants her pants and wishes she would only sing ballads, J Lo just wants her to sing ballads and be boring, Randy loves boring ballads too.

Let’s vote Jessica off because I can’t deal with her singing ballads every week.

Heejun:

His mom doesn’t speak English. Neither does his father. This is adorable.

Heejun continues on with the boring theme with “Right Here Waiting”.

Heej just wanted Fergie’s number this entire time. Playa knows how to play.

He has gel in his hair, no lenses in his glasses and he’s singing this to Phillip^2.

Randy hates him, who cares what J Lo says, and Steven is talking about circles and breath.

Elise:

She was not born in 1983… she looks 47.

OBAMA! LOVE OBAMA! Obama is better than this. Let’s watch that video.

Steven’s Aunt Sonya loves her voice, J Lo’s lips are too pink, Randy says a few slogans.

Deandre:

Mamadukes seriously hates Deandre. Like so much.

OMG Deandre  was a little fruitcake. Adorable.

I refuse to believe someone told his parent he will be on American Idol. That didn’t happen. Totally did not happen.

He looks like Kenny G and he can’t whip his hair to this song. This performance is dead to me.

Mamadukes is rolling her eyes and saying his hair looks like macaroni …. she is not a fan.

J Lo is rambling, Steven says the same thing and is wearing the same thing as Deandre, and Randy thinks he’s boring.

Shannon:

Holy product placement batman!

She chose “One Sweet Day” over “Don’t Speak” . Dumb.com right there.

I didn’t pay attention to any of this.

Okay… Live-ish blog is ending because I wanna watch Modern Family with Mamadukes.

I’m sure I won’t miss much…. I can youtube that giants arrest tomorrow.

-Rocco