(editor’s note: I know this is a day late and anyone who cares has already seen the show, so I apologize. But read it anyway because I’m asking politely and I throw my very own caps lock party)

I have successfully accused everyone on this show for being “A”… we find out who the bastard is tonight!

*gasp*

Let’s find out who it is. I mean, we know it’s not Caleb. His smile is too pretty and his hair is too shiny to be such an asshole. And ‘A’ is a giant one.

Let’s go! (PS If they even find out who ‘A’ is during a school function a la a dance…. I’m gonna be ‘A’ and kill the writers of this show because there are way too many school functions!)

Oh and let me just say I called that Jenna was a not blind bitch from the very first day. I’m a genius.

Okay… really. Let’s find out who this bitch is:

- OH shit! I forgot Garett got arrested… thank Oprah for “previously on”‘s.

-Melissa is such a bitch… SHE HAS TO BE ‘A’… and she’s obviously carrying a demon baby.

-Oh and she’s an idiot because she thinks Not Blind Bitch Jenna is actually blind.

- Only murderers eat ice cream when murder is being discussed.

-’A’ sent them invites to a costume ball. How cute. DANCES!

- Spencer says something about playing hide and seek with Melissa as kids and she always won. It must be hard knowing your sister has the  capability to kill someone.

-Spencer is still worried about being the smartest person on the planet. Her priorities are all screwed up.

- HAHA! Mona just called her Jenna “blind Jenna”. Love it!

-Ohhh bitter Mona. Is she ‘A’? TELL ME!!

Hanna is asking why she’s lying?? Well, it’s because you’re pretty.

-Aria admits to banging Mr. Fitz…adorbs. It didn’t happen in the bathroom like we first thought. Kind of romantic.

-Spencer finds a pen and is Googling shit… Nancy Drew is at it again!

- Brilliant idea.. let’s go into the creepy hotel. NORMAN BATES ANYONE?!?! Do these morons watch tv?? Apparently, not.

- The girls mention Vivianne Darkbloom and Norman Bates acts like a weirdo.

- Hanna dramatically falls into the mud and it has nothing to do with the plot, but it’s funny.

- Oh I guess it has something to do with the plot BECAUSE THESE GIRLS ARE MORONS! Hanna is taking a shower…. HAS SHE NOT SEEN PSYCHO!?!

- Someone breaks into the room while Hanna is in the shower… it’s obviously Black Hooded Figure coming to murder.

- Surprisingly the girls didn’t get murdered last night and Spencer nicknamed her and Aria’s spy skills “Sparia”.

- Black Hooded Figure is of course watching the girls through a whole in the wall. HAVE THEY NOT SEEN PSYCHO!!

- I don’t know why Butt Chin Falcon Boy is copping an attitude with Nancy Drew. He needs to relax. CAW CAW! Stop being such a douche with a hole in his chin. Move on, Spence…. you have a higher IQ than him.

uh uh girlfriend

- DR. Sullivan?!?!?! I thought she was dead?? Why is she calling Butt Chin?

- Oh and god what is Not Blind Bitch Jenna doing walking around sans her walking stick.. OH BECAUSE SHE ISN’T BLIND!! She’s meeting with someone int he woods and she’s fugly without her glasses.

- “They’ll all be at the party… you know what you need to do” is what Jenna says to her mysterious friend.

- Masquerade ball!

- Leona Lewis playing in the background of this scene is disturbing.

- Caleb is creepy and is role-playing with Hanna at the ball. I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM!

- Spencer tells Mona she’s a great friend to Hanna. I don’t care about this… WHO IS “A”????

- Flashback! Mona runs into Alison (dressed like Vivian) at some shop. I don’t care. Take me to present day.

- Oh good… not blind bitch Jenna is at the ball. Thank god she has a mask to cover her ugly face and not blind eyes.

-Oh of course Ezra comes to the masked ball all masked up and creepy.

- While this is all going on… Spencer is going to the hotel to check out room #2 with Mona.  MONA’s GONNA KILL HER!! AGHHH!!! Is Mona “A”?

- Spencer is sitting with Norman Bates. This isn’t going to end well.

-And now Lady Antebellum is playing and Aria and Ezra are dancing. In public. Because this is allowed. And now they are making out. This is awkward and illegal. Ezra is gonna get raped in jail by season 3.

- FYI, kids… that little make out sesh is illegal and that relationship would not last in real life.

- “A”s room at the Norman bates hotel is super creepy and has dolls and file cabinets and pictures and newspaper clippings and its way too large to be a hotel room. “A” has a lair.

-Paige is expressing her lesbian love to Emily. I DON’T CARE! WHO IS “A”!!!???

- Spencer is just taking her sweet ass time in “A”‘s lair. She should probably whip out her Nancy Drew finger print kit and star blowing some of that dust shit around. GET SOME PRINTS!

-”A” is unoriginal and dressed as the Black Swan at the masquerade ball. Let’s hope a shard of glass is in “A”‘s belly.

- MONA’S GONNA MURDER HER! I don’t trust Mona… let’s not forget she had her birthday party in the woods and called it Camp Mona.

- A GUM WRAPPER IS GONNA REVEAL WHO “A” IS?!?!?

- MONA IS “A”!??!?!?!?! WHAT?!?! WHAT ?!?! WHAT?!?!? This is bullshit.

Mona is a crazy person?? I mean I knew she was a shoplifter but I didn’t think she’d bitch slap Spencer across the face and then kidnap her. I do like the black hoodie effect though.

- Mona is a crazy ass bitch and asks Spencer to come and be her buddy on “Team A”. I mean, if I was Spencer I’d do it too.

- “You bitches underestimated me” <— Ummm damn straight, Mona.

-Wow. Mona lost Hanna as her BFF and bitch loses her mind….. section 8, right there.

-The girls get there right before Mona kills Spencer and Mona is a maniac and she falls down a cliff. Wow. That was intense.

- How the f**k is Dr. Sullivan alive? I thought the Doc was dead.  Well, good thing she’s alive… because Hanna is gonna need therapy forever.

- Everyone is crying. And now afraid because Mona survived the fall.

-She is now in a mental institution because she’s a crazy ass bitch with a personality disorder.

- The voice over of Mona at the end is the best thing ever of this entire series. WHAT A CRAZY HO!

- BUTT CHIN ACTUALLY SAVED THE ENTIRE DAY! EVERYONE’S LIVES! CAW CAW! Long live BUTT CHIN FALCON BOY!!! His butt chin saved Rosewood… I hope you all know that.

You're welcome, world.

- Oh and PS Maya, Emily’s lesbian lover, she’s dead. ABC Family…. what the hell is wrong with you?

RIP MAYA

That’s really f**ked up ABC Family.

I need to go compose myself.

-R