Let me just say sorry for my lack of writing today… I wasn’t leaving on a Mormon mission trip or anything, so don’t worry.

What was that about? And how did you all keep the fact that my little monchichi was a Mormon this whole time?? Well, good luck little one. God speed or whatever it is you are doing for TWO WHOLE YEARS!!

Anyway, I wasn’t prepping for my Mormon mission trip a la David Archuleta, I was just functioning on little sleep because I forgot what my schedule was actually like. Being back to real life after the universe was playing Jenga with it for the past few weeks put my body in shock and broke my funny bone, if you will. But it apparently didn’t break my awesome metaphors. BOOM!

Sooooo, with that being said, thanks for being patient and pretending to not read any other blogs in front of me. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little more beefy because I already got some shiz and giggles planned.

Me and Oscar are back tonight for American Idol Live-ish blog and what the hell is the theme tonight? I hear Steve Nicks is mentoring, so it better not be her music because I don’t know ANY of those songs, and I can’t deal with that for 2 hours.

Whatever the theme is I hope Philip Phillips is shirtless and Heejun Han is shaking his ass.

Ahhhh so close!

Just call me Fleetwood Mac DADDY!

I just jumped into this sad Stevie Nick montag. I’m bored already. I thought the dixie chicks sang this song??

Ch god is Tommy Hilfiger back this week?? Jesus. This guy needs to just stop. I can’t. How much plastic surgery do you think he’s had?

And P^2 totally chose a grey shirt HAH!

Solos and trios?? OH GOD! MAKE THE SHOW 1 HOUR!!

Colton: I didn’t get a picture of Colton. Ohhh shoot! DARN IT!

He’s singing a “worship” song.. OH MY GOD! Is Lifehouse a Jesus band?? I didn’t know that???

Stevie he’s not singing to a girl.. he’s singing to Jesus.

Okay… this is okay. I wont make fun if him for his Jesus song… Easter is soon and I really want Cadbury egg from the bunny so I need to be good.

Steven bled, J Lo was moved, really moves, and Randy Jackson has on Jamaican beads.

TEARS!!!

Skylar:

How ironic that I chose this picture and she’s singing a song about guns!

I don’t think she could have more of an accent and I’m pretty sure every Republican is going to vote for her tonight.

This song is actually about gunpowder & lead?? Wow. I’m such a democrat right now… is this the song Miranda Lambert sings to Chris Brown and then fights with him over it via Twitter?

J Lo confuses me, Steven and Skylar are wearing the same earring, and Randy is confused because he’s a black man.

Trio?? AKA WASTE OF MY TIME!! Elise, Colton, and P^2 and some unknown guy playing the guitar. And I really thought Dixie Chicks sang this song.. them or the Glee cast.

Why are the judges judging this? And why is Steven Tyler talking about himself a la J Lo and Tyra Banks? Dumb.

P^2 is convulsion/dancing and I still wanna kiss him. This must be love.

Heejun:

Of course Heejun doesn’t have a pair and is singing a ballad.

Jimmy just became racist and made fun of his Asian accent. What a jerk. And Tommy Hilfiger clearly dressed Heejun this week, minus the treat hat.

I love Heejun, like so much, but this is boring me.

Steven Tyler doesn’t have the stick up his ass this week and loves Hejeun again. All is right in the world.

WHo is this black man with a neck brace?

Hollie:

And here’s the Brit!

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!! Oh wait I don’t know what this is but Stevie Nicks is crying. Oh this is the Jesus song.

Is Easter the theme this week?

DeAndre:

I forgot his picture too.

I wasn’t paying attention and he got a standing O.

Jessica:

Oh don’t even try to do Beyonce. BLUE IVY CARTER™ will end you!

She turned Sweet Dreams into a ballad?? OH MY GOD! Only Jessica can make a Beyonce song boring.

OMG THAT RED DOOR MOVE?!??! WHAT?!?! I can’t stop laughing. I can’t even critique that because it’s so ridiculous I feel bad for her.

Annnnnd Ryan Seacrest made it so easy and came out of the red closet.

An unnecessary Michael Jackson melody with unnecessary hats worn ny Joshua and DeAndre but not Heejun. Boy band they are not.

Phillip:

Seduction. Bedroom eyes.

Johnny Lang? Who the hell is that?

Stevie Nicks just called him a Fleetwood Mac Daddy! And is now hitting on him! BACK UP STEVIE!!!

P^2 has a like 19 layers of grey and black on tonight which is disappointing… I bet Stevie Nicks is just as sad as the rest of us.

And P^2 got a big O.

Joshua:

Is anyone shocked that he’s singing Mariah Carey?? Probably not.

Kelly Clarkson did it better and she didn’t make magic/rabbit jokes right before she sang it.

What is with the ridiculous props and costumes tonight? Did Tommy Hilfiger pick that hideous jacket out?

Is he crying too?? I can’t take it with these tears and standing ovations. Give them all oscars.

These trio performances are so bizarre and so are their clothes.

Elise:

Ok… I don’t like this song, so I’m gonna end live-ish blog right now.

I end things really gracefully.

-Rocco