I’d Never Survive ‘The Hunger Games’: A Spoiler-tastic Review Of Sorts
Posted March 30, 2012on:
Let me just say, the odds would never be in my favor. I fully admit here and now that I’d be dead in two seconds. You know when they all come out of the glass tubes at the arena and have to fight for supplies? Well, that’s when I’d meet my demise. Anyone would be able to kill me… even Rue.
I also realized I’d never be able to win The Hunger Games because I’d die of dehydration. I couldn’t even sit for 2 hours in the movie theater without declaring every 5 minutes how thirsty I was and clutching my dry, burning throat. It was intense.
Anyway, I’m glad The Hunger Games doesn’t exist in real life (Please Barack Obama be re-eleceted because I feel like that might happen if the Republicans take over. Just saying.), but I’m really glad the movie existed. Below are my bulleted thoughts of the movie in no particular order. AKA it’s really random and you may feel the needs to take ADHD medication afterward:
- There is no way Miley Cyrus missed Liam Hemsworth , who played Gale, soooooo much while he was filming this movie because he was literally in 3 scenes. Did he even need to prepare? I think not. I can remember 17 words right before I shoot 2 scenes too! There is no way Liam Hemsworth was on set for more than 5 days. I just want to make that point.
- I was apparently drunk when I read the books because I remember jack shit about them. In between my parched calls for help and/or liquid in my mouth as soon as possible, I also declared how I had no idea who everyone was, what was happening and why it was happening. My reading comprehension is for shit.
- This movie was sad and heart wrenching. Rue dies. OMG KILL ME NOW! Katniss placing flowers all over her dead body to show respect. AHHHH MY HEART! Katniss then holding up 3 fingers to the cameras after she gangster kisses them…. MY EYEBALLS ARE NOW CRYBALLS!! Rue, I love you. I’m whistling to the mockingjays right now.
- Whoever the costume designer in this movie was sucked. He/she was on drugs. Why was my Peeta Bread dressed like a gay man? And why did was Katniss dressed like a 47 year old gym teacher at a parent teacher conference when she wasn’t fighting for her life? Lame.
- More on the costume design… we couldn’t get better CGI?? Girl on fire?? Girl in a bad green screen enhanced dress! As my friend put it last night “we can make the Titanic re-sink, but we can’t get more life-like flames!”. And yes we bring up Titanic in our everyday conversations.
-Cato is an asshole. Like, a giant asshole. And his little friends, like the black-haired girl and whoever the hell “Foxface” is, are douche bags.
- Peeta Bread!! Where do I start? How I love thee. I make fun of him everyday of my life for some reason, but I just want to eat poison berries with Peeta Bread all the damn time.
- Peeta Bread did not paint himself in the swamp area. I’m sorry. That didn’t happen. He can’t find food/water, but he can find paint, prosthetics and supplies to SFX his face up?
- Stanley Tucci is the best part of this movie. My god… what a gem!
-Lenny Kravitz… what an actor. He’s my new Ludacris.
By the way… I thought this was a good time to cry obnoxiously as well.
- I want to be BFF with Jennifer Lawrence so bad. (No offence Taylor Swift) Major girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence. (Also… little side note: not enough Taylor Swift music, and by not enough I mean NONE! Really crappy score)
Plus, if we were BFF she would be my alliance in The Hunger Games. And even though I’d die an untimely death because I have no survival skills, she buried my body like a champ!
Needless to say, my mind was running a mile a minute during this movie, and I liked it. It took me 24 hours to digest it all and to put it in incomprehensible words like these, but I think you’ll agree, that it was worth it.
And as a bonus a true life story: During the romantic scene of Peeta Bread and Katniss in the cave (where by the way they needed to make out way more and she needed to call him Peeta Bread just once) my good friend Alex leans over to me and sings “they found love in a hopeless place”. And now I give you this gem:
God. That is so good.
PS I would never volunteer as tribute.
PSS Conversation with Mamadukes:
Mamadukes: Did you like the movie?
Rocco: Yeah! It was good. They did a good job.
Mamadukes: The commercial makes it look confusing. Meh.