Could you imagine Heejun Han on 80′s night?? My god! The dance party that would go down would be epic. A dance battle between Heej and Dancing Baby would obviously commence.

DANCE DANCE!

Anyway, he’s not here so we have to deal with ballads I presume.

I have no idea who the mentor is, but let’s assume it’s someone who has nothing to do with the 80′s.

LIKE OSCAR!

Oscar’s actually 12.

Let’s go yo!!

I’m pretty sure J Lo didn’t want to save Heejun.

And this montage is killing me.

Heejun Han is still the funniest person on Twitter.

Deandre:

I had a picture of macaroni for him (because I like to re-use jokes) but the God of Not Re-using Jokes is preventing me from posting it.

I didn’t pay attention. Who knows what went down? People liked him… I think. I had to get my macaroni picture in place to make you all laugh.

Elise:

Oh of course Elise has her own band. That hate that she’s on Idol. They probably broke up.

Are Lee fans losing their minds yet that she’s singing “Hallelujah” in rehearsal? Are you glad that she’s singing “Wanna Know What Love Is”? Is anyone else intrigued that Gwen Stefani and that really tan man who’s also in No Doubt used to date?

She has a great, big ‘ol voice but she will never win. And is Hilfiger dressing these people still? If so, I think J Lo is helping out.

Steven hates this song as much as I hate his nail polish.

I TOLD YOU J LO DRESSED HER!!! I’m a genius! I should just end this here.

Colton:

Oh good colton got highlights this week.

Oh IDOL YOU SCHOOLED ME!

This is the part I don’t pay attention to because it’s bullshit and filler.

Colton looks like someone peed on his head. Just saying.

Ghetto Superstar is better than this shit. Plus, country music didn’t exist in the 80′s. Did Jesus even like country music? He was more of an indie rock guy.

P^2:

Again… still the best bromance ever!

I hate Phil Collins…. with a passion. And Gwen Stefani hates Phillip Phillips with a passion. But the really tan man has faith.

I’m glad he decided to wear grey again and I’m glad he decided not to shave.

He always sounds great. The growl is perfect.

Wait… he brought his brother on stage with him tonight?? When did that happen? Is Steven hallucinating??

I can’t understand a word his brother said. Was that even English??

I’d like to publicly thank Heejun Han for keeping this blog in the realm of humor tonight.

Seriously. Why does Holly have an accent?? It confuses me.

Ryan and Randy Jackson had awkward sexual tension by the way.

Joshua: Apparently, Joshua is on not Jessica.

Is he gonna cry again? I hope not.

A choir??? I can’t even watch this. I don’t know what’s worse, this song or that jacket?

Wow… everyone is a giant fan of this and J Lo is saying religious puns to him.

JOSHUA is 19!?!??! I thought he was like 40. Okay… well at least late 20′s because he acts and dresses like an old man.

Jessica:

BB Chez?? I want to punch this girl in the face. I’m sorry. I’m usually not violent, but holy god she annoys me.

OMG A FAST SONG! Wow.  She still annoys me.

Gwen Stefani just said she was a bad dancer.

STOP TALKING ABOUT BB CHEZ! YOU SOUND DEMENTED!

This is just not working.

Do you think she has friends in school? I don’t think so.

BOOM FIYAH!!! Miss that Naiema!

Anyway, P^2 is on the stage and hearing Ryan say “Philip & Elyse” is exactly what our futture is gonna sound like. And Yes Ryan will be a minister by then and officiate. I think that’s what announcement he made on NBC today.

Is P^2 drunk? I sure hope so. I love his awkward body movements when he’s sans a guitar.

Hollie:

WHY DOES SHE HAVE AN ACCENT!?!!? I can’t understand you!

Flashdance? What a mess this is gonna be.

Oh well this is awkward filler.

This is just not good.

WHy does Ryan Seacrest know cheerleading terms?

Colton: He already got a picture.

He paints faces for a living? I thought he was gonna do some awesome animal shit…. he paints solid colors? I can do that crap!

Colton , Colton… how can we bring Jesus into this one? Maybe Jesus does not approve of that hairdo/hair color.

I actually wouldn’t mind if he won this show because than that means he’ll have no hope for a career and we’ll stop hearing about him in like a year. I can agree to that.

What the f**k is J Lo talking about?

I vote for Rex.

Hollie:

She is all about her guns. Jesus. “Wind Beneath My Wings”. Remember that movie Beaches? My mother let me watch that and then I cried for 17 days straight when I was 10. That movie is intense.

Anyway, just the fact that she didn’t sing 9 to 5 I’m gonna high five Skylar because that would make me want to kill somebody. J Lo is crying….. is she auditioning for a movie tonight?

This sounds like a bad high school musical audition, but even with her gun toting self, she’s one of the least annoying people on this show. She’s like a little southern snooki!

OH and by the way, I was right, Gwen Stefani has nothing to do with 80′s music.

No one I want will ever go home, so I’m gonna stop praying. Plus, I guess Jesus has a big weekend coming up so he’s busy party planning.