Where did I go wrong in life?

What wrong road did I turn down?

Should I just start my crystal meth addiction now??

Those are thoughts that will run through your head when you check out Beyonce’s new website. Those or “My god this is really obnoxious and no one cares where you can afford to vacation”

Beyonce.com is ridiculous. First off, I can’t even take a screen shot of the background to make fun of it, because of course it’s a moving image of Beyonce whipping her hair.

Second, you can decide what kind of “Bey” you are HERE in the Beyhive. Luckily, I’m allergic to bees and I don’t have to decide which “Bey” I am, but please read through it because you’ll laugh your ass off.

And third, I stopped looking through the website because I was the point of all this was to make you feel bad that you don’t make enough money to lead the life that Beyonce does. Her Tumblr photos explain this to us.

That watch it worth more than my apartment I’m sure.

This whole website is very Gwyneth Paltrow of Beyonce.

Ps You are all going over there now and Beyonce just got so many hits today because of me. You’re welcome, Bey. I just paid for Blue Ivy’s college.

-Rocco