(Ed. note: There may be spoilers in this so if you hate that… read it anyway and deal with it)

The Lucky One may be the greatest Nicholas Sparks adaptation if only for the reason that Zac Efron turned into a man during this movie and wore black boxer briefs (as my good friend Alex says #perfectmaleundergarment).

PS he wears them in real life too!

Breakfast, Rocco?

But seriously… this movie was great and this is the part where I list things, in absolutely no logical or chronological order whatsoever.

- Taylor Schilling has the greatest legs ever. If I had any motivation whatsoever I’d put down this sweet treat I’m eating, stop sitting and blogging all day, and get my ass to the gym and do some goddamn lunges. I can never wear shorts again.

I know her legs are in the shadows in this picture, but I don't want you all to cry because your legs aren't as awesome as hers. Trust me... your subconscious is thanking me.

- Taylor Schilling also wears the greatest tops in this movie. Flow-y, sheer perfection.

- Zac Efron worked out hard. So hard. His arm muscles and broad shoulders were out of this world. I wish this was in 3D.

I work out.

- Zac Efron did not walk from Colorado to North Carolina Louisiana. (I’ve been corrected. Either wait it didn’t happen.) It didn’t happen.

Zeus and I walked here.

- Nicholas Sparks is OBSESSED with lakes, boats, rowboats, and all things involving water.

- Ex-husband Keith: WHAT AN ASSHOLE! You can’t just get drunk and be pointing a gun all around some quaint North Carolina town. Out of control monster…. too bad the tree house fell on you and killed your ass. <— I felt bad about that for like one second.

(I’m not even going to post a picture of him because looking at his smug face will cause me to break my computer screen)

- Blythe Danner…. why are you so awesome? How could she have possibly given birth to the unbearable Gwyneth Paltrow when she is so perfect herself? Comic relief of this whole film.

- That little child Ben was adorable. He performed magic and played the violin like Mozart. Oh and he played chess like a bad ass.

So, this is how you pretend to read sheet music

- Zac Efron you did not really play that piano, but I respect your dedication at pretending like you can read music.

Old school picture... but worth it

- Zac Efron with puppies and children for 2 hours? OH MY GOD!! Seriously…. ovaries fell out of my body with that.

- I don’t understand why Beth (Taylor Schilling) and Logan (Zac) didn’t just bang on the first date. Alex called me a slut for suggesting this, but let’s be real…. would any girl deny Zac Efron some loving on the first date? No.

-SHOWER SCENE! After Taylor Schilling yelled at her douche bag of an ex husband her next thought (and most logical one) was to go immediately over Zac Efron’s house and sexually assault him in the shower, and then continue to have sex on Zac Efron’s princess bed. Canopy or mosquito net? Either way… it’s a little gay.

you can't really see it but trust me, they just did it in a Zac Efron's princess bed

Honorable mention for best part of the movie: ZEUS! (this may not be the exact Zeus but all German Shepherd look the same so just go with it)

Long story short this movie skewed my view on love and relationships. I mean, what’s the point of dating someone who didn’t find your picture during a really tough time in their life, and then later walked many miles to find you only to not tell you about it right away? The answer to that is there is no point.

My big plan is to have a baby with an asshole and then have Zac Efron rescue me. Rescue me whilst wearing black boxer briefs.

my real life in about 3-5 years

Go see The Lucky One.

“You should be kissed every day, every hour, every minute.”

Yes. Yes, you do.

-Rocco