Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy was birth control for me. I always say I can’t wait to get pregnant so I can eat cupcakes for every meal and have Prince Harry always in my life, but if pregnancy is anything like Jessica Simpson’s… kill me now. Can I tie up my own fallopian tubes or do I need to pay a doctor in Mexico to do that??

Jessica apparently had a daughter who weighed 9 lbs 13 oz. (OMG… how does that even come out of one’s body?) and is named Maxwell Drew Johnson. Congrats to the couple and congrats to Jessica Simpson’s hoo-hah for participating in what I’m sure looked like a war scene.

I just grossed myself out.

-Rocco