Of course we all know Mona is a crazy bitch….

….and shockingly there is another “A” running around. OH GREAT! THE MADNESS NEVER ENDS!

-Rihanna ruins everything for me. Even Pretty Little Liars. I don’t like that her song is playing at the top of the episode.

OMG REMEMBER MYA IS DEAD!!!

dead

-The girls had a great summer; Spencer taking college courses, Aria is now Tyler Shields (a photographer if that obscure joke went over your head), Hanna is still a moron and my favorite and Emily built houses and developed a drinking problem.

I just did a keg stand and am upset about it

-OH NO THE PHONE GOES OFF! “Show me your boobs- A” <— funny “A”.

-Emily really does have a drinking problem and is super sad that Maya is dead. She didn’t get over that during the summer? Weird.

-Why is it always stormy in Rosewood?

-Emily disapperared because she’s a drunk and is standing over Ali’s grave with a shovel BUUUUUUUUUT the grave has already been dug up. WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN?!?!

Ali’s gone.

-Someone used Spenc’s phone to call Emily. IT’S A SET UP! <– Spencer said that.. I don’t know what that means.

*gasp* a set up!

-Emily wears lesbian plaid now.

It’s because I’m drunk

Is Caleb coming back? I miss him and his hair.

Miss you, boo!

-Nerdy Lucas apparently had anorexia over the summer because he now is tiny and resembles a mouse.

I’m a killer now!

-I’m already dying to know who the new “A” is!

-It’s 10 mins in to the premiere episode and the girls are pretty and lying… GOD THIS TITLE SPEAKS THE TRUTH!

-Oh Aria is still with Ezra and they are celebrating their one year anniversary. Remember the bathroom scene? Me neither. I’m traumatized that I didn’t fully experience high school like Aria did.

Remember the time I banged you in the bathroom? Good times.

-Hanna got a haircut. I forgot to mention that before.

-Butt Chin Falcon Boy is still in the picture and he is dating Spencer.

-Hanna lied to Spencer about going to see Mona in the psycho hospital.

-MONA LOOKS CRRRAAAZY!

I’m crazy, bitches

-Emily is really mourning the death of Maya. And really has an attitude with her mom.

-Hanna is reading fashion magazines to comatose Mona. Mona is actually being a great actor… EMMY! Hanna shouldn’t get so close to Mona– I’m afraid she’s going to stab her.

-HOT DR. WREN IS BACK!!! His accent may have gotten hotter. And Mona is still crazy.

That’s right, I got hotter.

And I’m still crazy

-BUT CHIN FALCON BOOOOOY!! he spent the summer at the gym and trying to bang Spencer. How do the two of them kiss when their chins are butts? Don’t the butts hit into each other?

Im back!

-Butt Chin is obviously a homo because he’s a teenage boy and just turned down sex.

CALEEEEEBBB! He got hotter this summer and his hair got shiner and more perfect. Love him. So much more.

You’re welcome, America

-Harry Potter joke and Lucas is acting like  a goddamn weirdo!

-The girls can’t fund Emily… she’s obviously drinking

Behind the school… duh

-WHY DO THEY GO INTO THE BATHROOM!! THEY ALWAYS HAVE DRAMA/DEATH /GIRL FIGHTS IN THE BATHROOM!

-Black Hooded Figure attacked Aria in the Bathroom

-”BITCH CRAZY!” BHAHAHHAHA BEST LINE OF THE SERIES!

(sorry about the caps lock party)

-”A” is now apparently “unknown”.

- Melissa is a Hastings… but also probably a murderer.

- Aria’s Mom is totally down with her underage daughter banging her teacher and she is getting a divorce from crazy Byron because he doesn’t think is daughter should be able to bang Ezra. This family rocks!

- Butt Chin Falcon boy is just lurking around and enabling Emily’s alcohol problem. Okay actually they are just becoming friends again, but the lingering alcohol problem is my favorite part of this season so far.

-NOT Blind Bitch Jenna (I’ma  genius)  left town.

Im not blind… told you!

- “What kind of SICK person would do something like that?” *holds hands to head in crazy manner* God this episode is funny. Butt Chin Falcon boy took some comedy improv classes this past summer.

- Spencer of course goes back to “A”‘s lair because she’s f**king crazy.

- Caleb saying the word “intimate” is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

Is this hat intimate enough for you??

-And Sexy British Doctor Wren calling Hanna is pretty sexy and hot as well.

-Dare I say it?? Caleb has some competition for Hanna and I’s heart.

WHAT? Say it ain’t so!?

- Emily is just talking about how she can’t stop drinking. GO TO REHAB!!  Shit just got real. Forget “A” killing people and taking the body… Emily has a drinking problem.

-Spenc is sitting in the lair like a crazy person and talking to “unknown” (“A” 2.0) and the police want to talk to Aria. DOES IT EVER END!!

- Ezra shows up at the po po station and thinks everyone is “passed” him sleeping with an underage girl and now Ezra, Aria and her Mom are going out to dinner. He’s funny.

-Hanna’s still going to visit Mona and Mona is going to break out of her comatose state and stab Hanna. HANNA RUUUUUNNN!!!

- Mona smiles like nothing is wrong. Wow. That is f**king creepy. Oh and she hallucinates Ali in the room—- she’s healthy.

I hallucinate too

-Who is this semi sttractive man in the orange jumpsuit? IS THAT GARRETT?!?! I like his new hair cut. He’s “Unknown”— MYSTERY SOLVED! That’s not true.

Like my new haircut?

-Garrett knows who took the body. Probably Not Blind Bitch Jenna because yeah that’s right BITCH CAN SEE!!

- Emily is running… see’s a car and freaks out and then gets a text “I bet you remember me” <— I don’t remember that, so this is lost on me.

-Emily’s flashbacks mean absolutely nothing to me… this is all shit.

-Hanna’s all “hey ps I’m hanging out with Mona”.

- The girls conclude that Mona had a besties helping her with “A”. I’m gonna try to call her “Double A”. “AA” just put pictures of the girls at the dug up grave all over the car.

“AA” is such an asshole!

” Mona played with dolls… I play with body parts. Game on , bitches -A”

AHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS SHOW!!!

Welcome back to The Revolution and my incoherent recaps that come 24 hour after the fact. It’s even better when you relive it Revolution style, isn’t it?? See ya next week…. unless “AA” kills me because remember… Bitch Crazy!

-R