So, remember last night when I made an announcement that a Pretty Little Liars recap was coming shortly since I always tell myself that you all sit and wait anxiously at your computers for said recaps?? Remember when I lied and sat at the restaurant I work at for 4 unnecessary hours just because I wanted to flirt with a boy?? Inappropriate when it’s PLL night. I apologize.

And since I’m making it all up to you (because you care so much about my recaps, right? RIGHT?!?!?) I will let you into a personal text conversation I had about PLL with my dear cousin, Juliet (follow her on Twitter because she’s as funny as I think I am, and way more stylish as I know I’m not).

This is the actual text conversation… swear to Oprah:

Jul: Please tell me you watched PLL!!
Rocco: No yet! Tonight!!
Rocco: So good?
Jul:So cray!
Jul: Sex scene between Spencer and Falcon boy. CAW CAW!
Rocco: Caw f**kin’ CAW!
Jul: Caleb has perfect hair and Hanna is anorexic.
(Editor’s note: I should have reacted more to that statement– I love Hanna. I hope she’s okay)
Jul: Ezra and Aria are boring. Emily is still an alcoholic.
Rocco: I love Emily’s alcoholism.
Jul: It’s such a comic relief.
Rocco: OH GOD! SO GOOD!
Jul: Caleb might fight hot British doctor!!
Rocco: OMG. That is gonna turn me on.
Rocco: I need to go watch this show. I’m current sitting at _____ bc I have a crush on ___ who now works here. 
(Real names/places have been left out to protect my identity. I’m sure I have stalkers, right? RIGHT?!?!)
Jul: Are you working or stalking?
Rocco: Stalking.
Rocco: I’m shamelessly flirting with him. I’m smitten.
Jul: Snap a pic of this dish toting hottie!
Rocco: By the way, this is going to be my blog/recap of PPL if I don’t watch it tonight.
Jul: OMGGGG “BITCH CAN SEE!!”
Rocco: BAHAHAHHA! I knew she wasn’t blind
Jul: Best line of the show.
Rocco: Ugh! Ps I’m still at _____. I’m obsessed apparently.
Jul: You’re an obsessed school girl and I don’t hate it.
Jul: Gimmie more details….
(I’m clearly leaving out the details of said guy because he has not fully signed up to be featured on The Revolution as someone I put on blast unlike my parents, best friends and now cousin.)
Jul: Also, I just realized 93% of crazy revelations that occur in PLL take place in the school bathroom or the cemetary. Why was this not my childhood??
Rocco: Bahahah I wanna live in Rosewood.
Jul: Are you just wasted at _____ on your night off? Please say yes.
Rocco: I’m not drunk, but I’m wasting my time and have SO MUCH work to do. This is why I can’t date boys because I get MUCHO distracted. (working on my Spanish for obvious reasons)
Jul: Leave now. But only after you slip him your number and say “Call me…. maybe”
Rocco: LMAO!
Jul: I have a way with men.

So… long story short. I didn’t watch Pretty Little Liars last night and I missed a sex scene between the Butt Chin couple…..

CAW CAW!

…..And I really hope British Doctor, Wren and hottie tottie Twilight extra Caleb duke it out— shirtless.

I’ll fight you.

Fine. But first lets take off our shirts.

… And I knew Blind Bitch Jenna was always Not So Blind Bitch Jenna.

hehe just kidding guys. I drive cars too.

Thanks Jul for the PLL recap and man advice.

If you all want more of that, remember to follow her on Twitter.

-Rocco