A little anecdote that has brought me to being excited to see Magic Mike: I was in Amsterdam once and in a really drunken state went to go see a “sex show” in the red light district because I buckle to peer pressure. After I got over the fact that I paid to see a sex show, and the fact that I was extremely plastered, I freaked out at what my 20-year-old eyes were seeing. Let’s just say no Channing Tatum was NOT on stage that night and never again will I go to Amsterdam because there is not enough anti-bacterial hand soap to clean my hands/eyeballs.

So, because of that, of course I wanted to see attractive movie stars play male stripper on the big screen while bringing an entire Thai meal into the movie theater.

Magic Mike was probably the greatest thing I’ve ever seen– you could day it was almost magical! It’s definitely in my top 10 favorite movies and here are all the reasons why and some random thoughts my brain had during the movie that changed my life:

Can I post a moving picture of Channing Tatum’s ass on here? I’m going to do it anyway because even though I’m not normally attracted to Channing in my everyday life, for some reason when he’s playing a stripper with goals, I kinda want to make out with him.

(Sorry Mom. It had to be done)

-Channing Tatum is the greatest actor, but only in comedies (She’s The Man, 21 Jump Street) and/or movies when he’s playing himself (Magic Mike). I mean, when you are playing a male stripper with ambition, a heart of gold and a tight ass— that takes talent. Just saying. (see above)

- Was Matthew McConaughey hey hey, playing a gay man? I was very confused about his sexual orientation because of the leather pants, snake-skin belts and his southern accent. Also, his jheri curl/mullet was throwing my gaydar into a frenzy as well.

- Channing Tatum’s dance skills are great. The strippers I saw during my fateful night in Amsterdam didn’t move like he did. I mean, when you can shake your ass and junk to a beat produced solely by machine guns and house music you have some serious talent. If this is what male strip clubs are like in Florida, I need to befriend some Floridian male strippers so they can teach me to dance like that.

Not from the movie, but you get the point. Just picture him half naked

- Does Channing have a twitter? I want to send him this via Twitter.

- WHAT A SUCCESS STORY!!

- Alex Pettyfer is attractive but what an asshole. Can’t you just be a male stripper virgin turned sex pot rock star without doing drugs? You can I’m sure. Why did he have to ruin it? Those bad guys ruined all of Magic Mike’s beautiful, custom-made furniture.

(And that outfit brings in my confusion about Matthew McConaughey’s character)

- God is mean because Matt Bomer is gay. I mean, have you seen his eyes? Well, picture those eyes and then him in a thong, and now him dancing. RIGHT?! For the third time in my life I wanted to be a gay man. (The first time was when I realized I have no idea how to apply self tanner and the second was when I realized I’ll never be as pretty as the drag queen I passed in midtown).

- I have respect for male strippers now.

- And because of said respect, I definitely want to date one. (See all of my Channing Tatum comments above for the reasoning behind that but mostly it’s because they are great dancers and know where to find the good underwear for cheap)

-Lesbians were turned straight and straight men were turned gay because of this movie.

If you haven’t seen Magic Mike— I  suggest you see it. It’s thought-provoking, funny, heart warming, there’s a little love story in there, and there’s going to be a sequel so you have to see the first one to really understand the complex characters.

And since it was so hard to find gif’s that weren’t of naked men dry humping women all over a stage here is something that we all can enjoy… even the kids.

This movie needs to win all the awards. I can’t wait until the MTV Movie Awards.

-Rocco