Andrew Garfield looks like a sassy gay lion with suspenders and Robert Pattinson looks drunk, so naturally I want to date both of them— maybe at the same time because I’m a rebel.

Anyway, word on the street is Andy isn’t down with R Pattz and his jaw line because he hates that he’s so pretty  and is in a movie like Twilight. Or something like that? I don’t even know because 1) I don’t believe that these two DON’T brush each other’s hair and 2) Andrew Garfield is in Spiderman, so he’s a serious actor who kind of sold out if you want to get technical and crunch some numbers.

“The truth is, Andrew can’t stand Rob. Andrew hates that they’re put in the same category because they’re both English and around the same age. They don’t enjoy hanging out. Andrew considers himself a ‘serious actor’ and sees Rob as the equivalent of a cheesy boy bander because of Twilight.”

Cheesy boy bander?? That’s a compliment in my book— I don’t see the issue there.

I hope these two kiss and make up. On video. And then put it on YouTube.

-Rocco