Pretty Little Liars: CeCe Is Not A Real Name And Pastor Ted Is Getting Some PLL Mom Ass
Posted July 25, 2012on:
Ahhhh! Remember when I promised to recap Pretty Little Liars every Wednesday? Well, that went to shit after two weeks didn’t it? What if I said I was kidnapped by ‘A’? Kidnapped and tortured?
I’m delinquent. I apologize.
I’m a delinquent little liar. A delinquent PRETTY little liar. BOOM! Get it? I’m like ‘A’ except I don’t murder people and I don’t walk around like a black hooded figure because it’s 110 degrees in NYC right now— it’s seriously hot and the fan is just blowing hot air around— useless!
Anyway, I’m not going to bother and tell you what has happened since I last did this. If you’re reading this than you watch this shit show, and basically Caleb left to go be an extra on Breaking Dawn Part II (probably) and ‘A’ stands for ‘asshole’, Garrett is outta the orange jumpsuit because ‘A’ texted Spencer and said he isn’t the killer.
- That dick detective is back knocking on Hanna’s door and he’s been a jerk as per usual.
- The detective wants a sample of Hanna’s blood because Allison’s anklet that was handed in by Jason 2.0 and Spencer has the killer’s blood on it.
- It can’t be Hanna’s blood because Hanna can’t be a killer. I love her too much.
-If ‘A’ even sets up Hanna… I SWEAR TO GOD!!
- There’s a blonde chick in town that sounds a lot like Allison. And of course her name is CeCe (sounds like a stripper) and was friends with Allie.
- CeCe dated Jason 2.0. I hate this whore. And that is the worst name ever. Your parents can’t just put two letter together and make a name. Bullshit.
- So basically Allie was single white female-ing CeCe. Not creepy at all.
- Aria’s mom is going on a date *yaaaawn* NO ONE CARES!
- Spencer of course turns into nancy Drew and is Googling CeCe, some map comes up— I don’t get it.
- Butt Chin Falcon boy pops up and Spencer doesn’t want to chat with him. She’s a wham bam thank you ‘mam kind of girl. (They had Butt Chin sex a few weeks ago if that went over your head).
-Ohhh Butt Chinn brings up the time he was a suspect in Allison’s murder. AWKWARD! CAW CAW!
TEXT FROM JULIET (Cousin/Revolution-er/Avid PLL watcher/Caleb enthusiast): Toby is full on Falcon!!!!
- Toby is very upset about that church dance business from last week.
- Why is Maya’s cousin relevant? Do they need a black person on this show? Is this affirmative action? EMILY WON’T SLEEP WITH YOU… SHE’S A LESBIAN!!
- Ouija Board.. Hanna cuts herself… “see how easy it’s for me to get your blood- A”… ‘A’ STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE!!
- Why does Aria not know what a Quija board is? This is the one falsehood in this entire show.
- *FLASHBACK* Mona and Hanna playing Quija and this is even more bone chilling because we know Mona is mentally insane and I’m being very literal. The Quija board said Allison was alive. Ooooo spooky!
- Aria is very determined to visit Mona in the mental place and someone broke a potted plant. Rude.
- Jason 2.0 is running all sexy by school and Spencer conveniently comes out. I know these two are related but I kinda want them to make out.
- Do you sense the sexual tension when she brings up that whore CeCe? Spencer wants to sleep with Jason 2.o Case closed. Don’t need the douchbag detective to figure this one out!
- “everything with CeCe is intense Jason” <— UGH! I’m jealous!
- Black guys name is Hanson? DUH! Who writes this show? They need a new Baby Name Book to name their characters.
-No CeCe, Emily doesn’t like Hanson— she’s a lesbian.
TEXT FROM JULIET: “CeCe doesn’t know the first thing about fashion. I bet she can’t even pronounce Rodarte”.
- Why is Black Hanson buying Jenna crap? Does he want to sleep with her?
- I don’t know why we should care about Aria’s mom date. Unless the date is ‘A’ this is nonsense. And by nonsense I MEAN THE PASTOR!!
TEXT FROM JULIET: OMG PASTOR TED!!!
- THERE’S GONNA BE A CHICK FIGHT BETWEEN HANNA’S MOM AND ARIA’S MOM!!
- Aria gets to visit Mona. Easy as pie.
- Mona is still a creepy bitch.
- Black Hanson loves Lesbian Emily. This isn’t gonna go anywhere.
-Why is Pastor Ted on a dating site? I don’t know if Jesus approves of this! And I always pictured Aria’s family Jewish.
-Allison’s dad hates Hanna for “what she did”. What the hell does that mean?
- Okay well since I steal cable from the internet and this is a live stream, my feed is all choppy and I have no idea what Aria is saying to crazy Mona.
- Are they talking about the Quija board??
- Hanna and Aria are sneaking back in the mental hospital because that’s gonna end well.
- So, CeCe is stealing Jenna’s number and threatening her for dating Nate? Who I guess is Black Hanson? I’m just making shit up during this recap… we are calling him Black Hanson from here on out.
- Aria’s mom loves this barista. He gave her muffins— they are gonna have sex. Pastor Ted and Jesus are not gonna like this.
TEXT FROM JULIET: COUGAR!!!
- Mona is waiting in the dark for Hanna. Again. not creepy at all.
- I don’t understand why Allison’s Dad hates Hanna. I don’t get it…. CRAZY MONA EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!
- *Flashback* Why is Allison’s Dad yelling at Hanna like a mad man? And why is Jason 2.0 being all sexy in his maroon shirt?
- Okay. Allison’s Dad is mad because she said she “saw Allison” after she was missing. He needs to take a chill pill.
- During the flashback— Mona escaped and now has a car and is driving away.
Obviously going to ram into Jason Spencer’s car. JK JK! Jason 2.0 is just drunk driving.
- JASON 2.0 NOOOOO!!!!! He was just drunk and Spenc is gonna be a pretty little liar and save him from a DUI.
- Okay Mona didn’t take the car— she’s wandering the mental hospital which is not as safe as it sounds.
-Oh good– Mona might be in the children’s ward.
- Spencer needs to tell Butt Chin Falcon Boy that she loves her brother Jason 2.0 AND THE DETECTIVE NEEDS TO STOP BEING SO GODDAMN NOSY!
TEXT FROM JULIET: This show legitimately gives me nightmares!
- Why is Butt Chin all of a sudden being so noble!? He has a butt chin and is a falcon; those things combine equal bad ass who lies to the police! DEAL WITH IT!
- Hanna and Aria are wandering the mental house looking for Mona and someone is humming. KILL ME NOW! I’M NEVER GETTING TO SLEEP TONIGHT!
- MONA IS IN MY NIGHTMARES!! “Miss Aria you are a killer not Ezra’s wife!” <– WHAT THE F**K?!?!?
-”No one to save Allie from evil” – Mona
-Aria just called her mom a slut. Okay.
- Spencer is still worried about school (stupid French exam)
- Mona was spitting some riddles and Spencer cracks it and it’s some website with Maya’s face asking for a password.
- WHAT’S THE PASSWORD!!?!??!
- Black Hooded Figure is playing with dolls. He’s a homo. A psychotic homo.
CALEB IS BACK NEXT WEEEEEEK!!!!
And then Juliet and I sent simultaneous texts to each other:
Rocco to Juliet: CALEB IS BACK NEXT WEEK!!
Juliet to Rocco: CALEB RETURNS NEXT WEEK!!
Shocking that we have similar DNA isn’t it?