Posts Tagged ‘Alexander Skarsgard’
I mean, that’s the only way to look at this.
We know how Alexander Skarsgard rolls— sex. That’s how he rolls. He just walks around all broody and True Blood-ish (is he still in that show or did they kill him off?) and sleeping with anything and everything.
Enter Kenneth The Page from 30 Rock (I don’t know his real name—Jack something?) and The Skarsonator on the strangest lunch date ever.
That is a loving embrace.
I can not wait to see Alexander Skarsgard defy science and impregnate Kenneth the Page.
-Rocco
Was Alexander Skarsgard even in any movie that’s being presented at the Sundance Film Festival this year? Nope.
He was just there to smolder, seduce, and to beat Jon Hamm at the big penis parade.
Let’s assume Ellen Page is really playing Juno and is snarkily carrying around the Skarsonator’s child. You heard it here first.
-Rocco
Now we can all understand why just looking at Alexander Skarsgard gets you pregnant.
I don’t know how Alexander and Jon Hamm (and their penises) haven’t found each other yet. It’s quite extraordinary.
But seriously, the more I look at this photo (because it’s my job to look at it and analyze) one can argue that the front of his pant just folded into the shape of an abnormally large penis. But— that is just not fun!
It’s his penis. Let’s go with that.
-Rocco
Alexander Skarsgard’s Dad Has A Lot Of Kids. I Guess It Runs In The Family?
Posted on: August 28, 2012
I know my theme all summer was Alexander Skarsgard could knock you up just by looking at him (watching him in Zoolander has been known to start a twin conception. Don’t ask. It’s science), but it’s actually true because his Dad is the veteran at it.
(go take your birth control—- I’m about to post a picture of the two of them)
The man who is not The Skarsonator is Senor Skarsonator, aka Stellan Skarsgard, and this dude just had his 8th child and yes he’s about 87.
Skarsgard, 61, has become a father for the eighth time on Friday, a rep for the actor confirms to The Hollywood Reporter.
The child, a healthy boy, was born to wife Megan Everett in Stockholm. The couple shares one other child, three-year-old son Ossian.
The other six children — Alexander, Gustaf, Sam, Bill, Valter and Eija — come from Skarsgard’s previous marriage to My Skarsgard.
Now, if you are smart, like me, you realize that Stellan Skarsgard is clearly passing his ‘baby making just by looking at ya!” gene on to his kids and Alexander is the prime example. And if you are a genius, like me, you now are realizing that the planet will soon be home to nothing but Swedish people.
Feel that kick in your belly?? That’s the next generation of Sweed in ya!
And on a side note, True Blood ended last night and I don’t watch it but I trust my cousin/comrade in life with summing it up for me.
-Rocco
I guess Alexander Skarsgard is the new face sex god of Calvin Klein. Use protection when looking at these, ladies.
I can’t tell if he’s going to have sex with me or stalk and murder me, but that’s the appeal for some of you. And that’s why we all need help.
-Rocco
Any chance the Skarsonator can walk around like he’s on the runway, purse his lips, and impregnate a bunch of female models on a movie set, he’s going to be behind.
I am ridiculously good looking
Now, I fully admit I never watched the first Zoolander because I suck as a human being, so I had no idea he was even in that. But apparently he was.
Oh geez he was even faking being Swedish back then.
“I’m pitching it right now. I wouldn’t want to miss that,” Alex told British GQ. “Well, I’m hoping they would do something like the scene with Hamlet’s father, and that Meekus will come back as a ghost — I mean, he’s definitely dead.”
I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about but if I am guaranteed a film with a gay version of Alexander Skarsgard and Wham! playing in the background— sign me the F up!
Oh god… does he get blown up? Well, I guess that’s why he’s talking about a ghost. Whatever. I’ll watch it if Alexander is super gay like that because that green shirt looks great on him and his falsetto speaking voice is hot— I hope his ghost wears/sounds like that.
I want an orange drink now.
-Rocco
Alexander Skarsgard went to go see Total Recall and the only reason I assume he went to see this movie is because he either loves Colin Farrell or because he wanted to meet some ladies, which he obviously did and then proceeded to sleep with them.
Does that joke get old? Because I don’t think it is.
-Rocco
I bet little Swedish and Mexican babies would be adorable—- great skin tone.
This is just going to be grainy photos of Alexander Skarsgard noshing on some tacos because I need a reason to bring up the fact that my roommate told me last night that Skarsgard is being considered for the role as Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey.
Now, I never read the book, but I believe there is a lot of nakedness in this so the Skars-o-nator was born for this—- he dreamed of this as a little Swedish boy.
Anyway, let’s get to these taco photos and get really hungry for a breakfast burrito (which is really just scrambled eggs in a flour tortilla)
-Rocco
Remember last summer when I discovered who Alexander Skarsgard actually was and I was obsessed with the fact that I truly believe he was sleeping with every animate object up and down the east coast?? Well, this summer I’m going to be obsessed with the fact that he’s impregnating people around the nation with just one sultry look.
BOOM! 3 babies were just made.
-Rocco
Alexander Skarsgard Won’t Look Into The Camera Because He Doesn’t Want To Get You Pregnant
Posted on: June 11, 2012
This post is happening because one, that headline has never been more true, and two, True Blood premiered last night and I’m shameless and want hits— you know people are going to be googling Alexander Skarsgard like it’s their job today.
But seriously… good thing he’s not looking into the camera. We don’t need all these illegitimate children running around.
-Rocco
