Posts Tagged ‘apple’
Who knew Steve Jobs looked like Ashton Kutcher circa Dude Where’s My Car? at one point in his life? Apparently, that happened.
He actually, kinda looks like him.
I probably will never see this movie because one, the word “indie” and “biopic” should never be used to describe a film (get Scorcese in that shit) and two, the name “Ashton” and word “film” should never be used in the same sentence, but I can see Apple fanboys losing their minds over this.
But it has to be better than No Strings Attached, right??
Someone put Gwyneth Paltrow on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar and she talked about how she’s happy her dad died, how her daughter might be a girly lesbian, and how her adrenal cortex lets her know when to detox.
Seriously. All in one interview.
First let’s get into her clear affection for her father.. or his death?? Or something like that:
“All I’ve learned about nutrition and health came from his cancer. I’ll probably have a long and healthy life because he didn’t.”
I mean, he had to die so she could live forever and show us all the way!! He was a gracious man!
And while we are on the topic of nutrition…. Paltrow can feel her body freaking out and becoming inflamed. This means she needs to starve herself for a few weeks. Damn glands!!
“I have a lot of inflammation in my system, so I’m not having anything I’m allergic to—no gluten, no dairy, no sugar. I’ll wake up exhausted; I can feel my adrenal cortex being really high. When I get into bed, my heart will pound, my skin won’t be good, I’ll feel cranky, and then I’ll just know it’s time.”
I can see her adrenal gland in that dress!
And now let’s get to the butch lesbian thing. If little Apple is gay, then she’s definitely not gonna wear plaid:
“I’ve been saving my clothes for her since before she was born. I was like, I’ll bet you anything I’ll have a daughter, and she’ll be a really cool butch lesbian and be so above clothes, and I got a very clothes-obsessed child. So if she’s a lesbian, she’s a lipstick lesbian. She doesn’t like anything avant-garde at all. She likes anything that’s pretty, pretty, pretty or has a bow or a ruffle or is pink.”
I think she’s proud of her daughter??
Do you all not want to punch her in the face?? Just put her back on Glee because that’s the only situation I can stand her.
I guess you can’t hate on Chris Martin doing the exact same thing every song because it works for him and the band. How else do you think he feeds Moses and Apple???
Oh that’s right, PALTROW!, brings in the big bucks too when she’s not calling her Grandma awful name son TV interviews. I hear she’s a great rapper too and I’m sure that’s where most of the income comes from.
Anyway, below is “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” and the title of the song really annoys me. In fact, it makes me weep waterfalls. Never mind. I love it.
Coldplay will be performing in festivals this summer and if you care that much you can google it yourself because I don’t care. Are you crying waterfalls right now because I was so mean? I’m sorry. Just listen to this track and you’ll feel better. Or laugh that Chris Martin actually named his kids Moses and Apple.
That title doesn’t even make sense. I can’t be creative when my socks are soaking wet because along with my umbrella with holes… I think my shoes may have a hole or two. I promise you I am not a homeless person that writes this blog at the Apple store all day.
That would be pretty bad ass though. If I was actually a homeless chick, and I just started hanging out at the Apple store to check my email (Because homeless people have friends and need to keep in touch. Duh) and I started this blog. Oh my Oprah… I’d be like f***king JK Rowling. My mind is running rampant with this idea.
You know what else is bad ass?? Kelly Clarkson. I miss this girl…and I miss new music from her like Charlie Sheen misses his sanity. (That was a bad analogy because I’m pretty sure he LOVES his insanity)
Kelly (yes, we are on a first name basis) was at Celebrity Fight Night Gala and I have no idea what this is but I hope it wasn’t a bunch of celebrities kicking the shit out of each other. One, I’d be so pissed that I didn’t live-ish blog that and two, that’s pretty awful because fighting is not cool. I’m assuming it’s two fight some awful disease that is an epidemic in our country and for that I say holllllla…. that’s worth fighting.
Miss Kelly sang a new diddy “Why Don’t You Try” and while it’s not my most favorite thing, and it’s not the new pop song that will answer my life questions…. I’m gonna give it an A+ because Kelly’s voice is out of this world. Girl can sing!
And then her and a bunch of other people sang “My Life Would Suck Without You” and this song is pretty relatable. My life would suck without a lot of people.
For instance, pop stars (I.E. Backstreet Boys, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Adele, Lee DeWyze etc)… I would have absolutely no direction in life without their music. Another instance, actual people in my life… I’d have even less direction and probably would be homeless. Even another instance, YOU GUYS!! I’d be talking to myself all day long and then have a huge complex that I’m not funny and suck at writing and other things in my life.
So listen to “My Life Would Suck Without You” (a really great pop song) and tell someone how your life would suck without them…. I’m gonna do it all damn day. I may even tell the lady who sells me my Red Bull how much I need her in my life.
Seriously…. you guys rock.
An Amish one. Obviously. Isn’t that always the predicament we’re all in??
Isaac: Listen Abram… I’ve been thinking about this no electricity thing. The new iPad just came out… I kinda want one.
Abram: Isaac! Shut your holy mouth! That’s not the Amish way.
(Totally googled Amish names…those are the most popular ones)
Anyway, I may or may not have already posted this video of a young Lee D. (freshly escaped from the Amish) I honestly can not remember…. everything just blurs into one big awesome head of hair. Or in this case… a beard.
I’m pretty sure this song is about the Amish life style.
When you reach the gates of heaven
And he’s waiting there for you
There is no time for excuse
What the hell are you gonna do
1) The Amish love heaven.
2) They don’t believe in Oprah so, “he” will wait for you.
There is absolutely no other interpretation of those lyrics
So just follow me
And we’ll be right on time
I’m pretty sure this has something to do with the tardiness that occurs when you take a horse & buggy places. Lee D. now drives a car so if they follow him… no lateness.
Again, no other interpretation.
Alright. I’ll admit it. I just did this because I’ve been neglecting the Amish for about a month now…. this was just a big shout out to them.
Hey Amish heeeeey!
I used to really be into Blake Lewis… I even bought his album Audio Day Dream, or whatever it was called. There were a few really good pop songs on that thing.
But lately he just complains about American Idol contestants… continues to watch American Idol and complain about contestants, get hired to complain about American Idol and it’s contestants…. and make weird beat boxing videos that make me dizzy.
I guess the whole point of him doing this is to prove he can still make fun noises with his mouth and how to use some app for MacBook Pro. Mission accomplished baby!
And his friend needs a haircut STAT!
PS I’m going to categorize him into the American Idol chapter on this blog just to piss him off.
Emilyk52281 just got Lee D off the hook for at least another week. So, I think that brings us to somewhere in mid January, because I keep forgetting the deadline I gave him. But he better have typed it out on his iPhone because…… 1) if you have an iPhone you should use the fancy things on it and 2) I really just want to see him in that hat.
Wow. I finally understand the saying “a picture is worth a thousands words”. I never imagined I would get so excited over him in that hat. He even looks happy in it. It will only make the real version even better.
This picture has all the Christmas essentials…
1) Lee bear lounging by a fire
2) Lee in the hat of all hats and his fake body cloaked in the color orange… myyyyy 2nd favorite color
3) A frightened Christmas tree
4) And a dead deer head on the wall
If that doesn’t say the birth of Jesus…. I don’t know what the hell you’re celebrating.
I think we should all send gifts to EmilyK5228, because this is just incentive for Lee to take an actual picture. (and by gifts I mean good vibes and gracious thanks via Twitter, because people shouldn’t give out their address to strangers. Just another safety PSA reminder from Rocco!) He’ll see this awesome card, and see how much we all love it, and how I (and all of us at this point) have been going on and on about him and that freakin’ hat. It’s the holidays, he won’t be able to say no. And for good measure here is a picture of sad puppy dog eyes.
That’s right. I went there. I’m not above using adorable canines to get what I want.
What kind of man with a heart turns down that face?!?!? Not a man I want to see in a fun hat, that’s who.
Soooooo, you know what to do secret agents. Just think about this constantly and the Universe (and Oprah) will hear our thoughts…. and the picture will come. At least that is what The Secret says right?? I don’t know, I never read it.
Or Lee bear reads this and in that case…. just take the picture Lee D. The sooner you do it and tweet it… the sooner I will stop talking about it. And that’s ultimately what you want right???
PS Is Lee bear gone???
Oh good… because let’s be real… if I actually see that picture, I will just have more requests.
Lee D. was hitting up Denver, Colorado, (never been there, but it sounds cold and snowy this time of year???), and TigervixxXen (from Twitter…we’ll call her Tiger. And I get it now with the 3 X’s. Scandalous!) was there and played secret agent of the night. Mucho gracias, Tiger!
I’m glad it looked like an actual venue, as opposed to the school picture backdrops, churches, strip clubs and Applebees he’s been accustomed to.
“Sweet Serendipity” has turned into a slow jam and I think it should be a graduation song for the class of 2011. It’s not as good (and obvious) as Vitamin C’s “Graduation Song”, but it has a good message and when it’s all slowed down, it’s something parents and grandparents can cry to as their child is handed the diploma. It doesn’t even matter and I have absolutely no idea where that idea came from… let’s just watch it.
Tiger now zooms in the camera and kicks Link the Sink out of the frame. Good move Tiger, because he took off that fun hat and frankly, I just don’t appreciate his piano skills anymore, unless he has that hat on. “Dear Isabelle”….. and just a little tip from the female perspective, Isabelle isn’t calling because you keep wearing that gd hat (and because you stopped the mash-up with “Stay Here”)
“A Song About Love” cracked me up because it’s all slow and angsty and then there is the fog behind him, slowly easing in and out. And plus, the Lion King/heaven light shining down on his back like he just descended from above. Way to set the mood tech guys. Thumbs up! *high-five* Lee D. will high-five you when he is done playing I’m sure. Oh, and I think that’s a new shirt…a button down. Fancy fancy!
“Brooooooklyn Bridge!!” I really hope he says it like that one day if he ever introduces it. I’m gonna ask him to do that for me during our interview (PS I love how I talk about this like I have it booked for April 2011…. I keep thinking if I mention it enough the Universe will get the f-in hint!) Lee D. apparently stopped the very miniscule (and by that I mean half-assed) work he did for a guitar part on this one… but he looks less awkward standing as opposed to fidgeting, while sitting down. So, if you’re totally against the guitar part Lee, just stand during this song…. and maybe start daahhhncing. (love the way he pronounces that… Martha Stewart would be proud)
I just like this song… so I’m gonna post it. It’s the beauty of doing this. I can do whatever I want. Almost. Love this whole falsetto thing he’s been doing. Mucho impressivo. (Espanol for ‘very impressive’. I think)
And to keep the promise to my soul… and plus I still have 90 more years to do this… “Earth Stood Still”. And I just had a thought… Lee better start eating healthy because he has to live until that age too, so he can keep playing the song. I may repeat outfits, but I can’t post the same dozen videos for 90 more years. So eat an apple today… and take some Vitamin C for good measure.
I’m going to get really serious and deep right now. Be prepared. Lee DeWyze is actually a very good singer and very talented musician. (See?? I called him Lee DeWyze when I got all serious.I do that.) I always thought that, but sometimes I push that aside because him being an awesome singer/performer isn’t very funny. I can’t make myself and others laugh at his talent…. so I tend to talk about his clothes/hair/ call him stupid nick names. But for some reason today, it hit me that he is really good.
So yeahhhh… I don’t know where I was going with this or why I started to say this…. but I’m gonna keep this run-on sentence and just say I’m glad he is able to make music, and I’m glad there are people and Tigers out there who dig his music and take video of it so we can all see it no matter what random state he is in.
Oh…. but don’t think I forgot about that hat picture Lee bear. Just because your charming and smooth with the vocals and guitar isn’t going to get you off the hook…. unless, you write a song called “Rocco, Shut Up About The Hat”. Then I’ll stop. Maybe.