Posts Tagged ‘Battleship’
Alexander Skarsgard is sleeping with women all around the world… and is doing press for Battleship. This night, in particular, he was in LA and wearing a suit so sharp he basically scissor-ed all the females’ clothes off.
Look at his face. He just knows it.
He just knows no one is going to pay to see this movie in theaters.
She wasn’t the only one slapping her hoo-hah around! BAM! Get it? Remember her bizarre SNL performance? Google it and that opener will be hilarious.
Anyway, Alexander Skarsgard and Rihanna are in Battleship (aka Battleshit) and of course they did it in a geisha house while promoting the movie in Tokyo. Obviously.
Alexander Skarsgard got frisky with his Battleship costar Rihanna while the pair promoted their new movie in Tokyo.
“They went to a geisha bathhouse,” a source said. “They were drinking, and before you knew it they were in a corner getting hot and heavy.”
Women can literally not be around Skarsgard without losing their pants. It’s scientifically proven at this point. I really wonder how many illegitimate children he has?
I’d be more accepting of this fact if it wasn’t Rihanna who they were stalking and I have reasons for this.
One, Rihanna is kind of an idiot.
She simultaenously wore a trench coat whilst being naked underneath it, all while complaining about wanting her privacy after walking out of a Battleship interview when asked about whether or not she’s banging Ashton Kutcher.
Call me crazy but looking like a slutty Carmen Sandiego doesn’t really garner you privacy. I can pretty much see her hoo-hah. But on the other side it, she might just need a reason to not talk about her shitty Battleship movie. If that’s the case, I agree with her… get up and walk out of that!
Okay… I don’t have two reasons why stalking Rihanna is a bad idea, but it just is and reason number one was good enough. Stalking slutty Carmen Sandiego is never a good idea.
Anyway, the boys are in Australia and so is Rihanna so of course the stalking commences and they have some good tactics. They are utilizing their sources.
“The boys have been desperately trying to find her. They’ve been trying to work out what room she’s in from her Twitter pictures of her view.”
They’ll forgive us for that Hiroshima thing after this.
Alexander Skarsgard was sent over from us (and by “us” I mean America because he’s a fake Swedish man) as a peace-offering. We offered his sexing as a peace-offering. Yes. That happened.
I really don’t understand why people don’t trust America and its foreign policies.
That’s probably what he said while promoting Battleshit in Japan along side Rihanna who is either giving him the side eye or undressing him with her eyes. Let’s assume it’s the latter because this is The Skarsonator we are talking about and you and I know he has that affect on women.
You enjoy that ladies.
YA MON! DONTCHA ASK ME THAT, MON!
I imagine that’s what she wanted to say.
While promoting her movie Battleship (or as I call it Battleshit) , a sly ass reporter buttered Rihanna up and then BOOM! …. asked her if she was doing it with Ashton Kutcher, but in really polite way.
It was fantastic. And what was even more fantastic you ask??? The way Rihanna responded… with a damn attitude. *ahem* Excuse me… an attitude, mon!
Did Michael Bay make this shit?? Why are there robots coming out of the ocean? Why did Alexander Skarsgard sign up for this?? Are there vampires too? Who cast Rihanna? Why is Tim Riggins in this movie too…. is he allergic to making good movie that I want to see??
Battleship looks awful and from here on out we are calling BattleSHIT. And by we, I mean hopefully me and all of you.
By the way, for all the kiddies out there, Battleship is the best board game to cheat at. No one can ever see where you put your ship, so just move those suckers around and there will never be a hit.
Why he was in a Canadian Tuxedo (I seriously only heard this yesterday hence me using the joke today… I don’t even get it? Do Canadians mix denim often?? If so, I must have been a Canadian child because I loved my denim ensembles) at a toy fair is beyond me… but who cares?? It’s the Skarsonator on the prowl.
I’m glad his man parts seem to be working again, because he was in hiding for months. He must have been waiting to pounce.
I really want a denim shirt.