Posts Tagged ‘Black Swan’
- In: Tidbits
- 3 Comments
No. Not Michael you silly geese!
Natalie Portman decided to jump on the hollywood bandwagon and name her kid something that will fo sho help him get his ass kicked in school. But can you blame her?? This kid is the future. He will definitely be valedictorian of some Ivy league school and he will most likely cure AIDS (and cancer, but only if he feels like it), so he can’t be running around with a commoner name like James or Mark. Who do you think he is??
Plus, his last name is Millipied and he will obviously be a prodigy in the art of ballet and the name Tommy just doesn’t go with a little boy who rocks pink tights like no other.
leap like daddy!!
Sooooo the name of the kid that has come from the womb of the black swan to save us all is…..
*drum roll*
ALEF!
It is hebrew and pronounced “a leaf” as in ”oh look a leaf just fell from that tree!”. It reminds me of Alf which is the scariest slash coolest tv character I’ve ever seen, so in my eyes this kid has a lot to live up to.
I'm actually Alef's father.
Alf is so pimp.
Anyway, good luck to this kid. Not only does he have to live up to the coolness of that hairy beast above, but his mother is Natalie Portman, so he’s like Hollywood’s messiah. He better not go fooling around with those Jolie-Pitt freaks!
-Rocco
Friends With Benefits (the movie that is EXACTLY like No Strings Attached but with prettier people. Sorry Natalie Portman, how’s that baby??) comes out July 22nd and Mila Kunis and J Timb, who are not sleeping together, think it’s important to film a PSA about friends with benefits.
If I don’t see J Timb naked in this movie…. I want my $13 back. I’m not paying to see a naked Mila Kunis have sex. I saw Black Swan. I’ll be pissed.
-Rocco
- In: Tidbits
- 2 Comments
HAH! Get it?? It’s because the kid is part French with the last name of millepide or something?
Ahhh I’m so funny.
Anyway, I know this is like a day late, but deal with it. While Natalie Portman was giving birth my ass was at the pool, maxing and relaxing. Who was working harder you say??? Even though she was pushing, I came out on top because I don’t have a husband who jumps on ladies who are just trying to enjoy some lunch.
bonjour ladies!!
How much do you want to bet this man plied (is that even the ballet term??) right before he cut the umbilical cord??? I would bet my whole vacation and that’s just another reason, my day was better than Natalie Portman’s yesterday.
Because really…. Who wants to see their fiance plie-ing all over the birthing room?? No one.
-Rocco
- In: Tidbits
- 2 Comments
Sorry to be harsh… but dude is a tool.
How do you say “tool” in French?? Please tell me.
Benjamin Millipied not only has a last name that reminds me of bugs and is engaged to Natalie Portman, but he doesn’t like talking to the press about the health of his baby momma. And I can only assume it’s because he’s French and the reporters didn’t make peace first by offering him a baguette.
The worst was yet to come. As Nir wrote in The Times, shortly after her reporter politely asked, “How’s Natalie doing?” “Mr. Millepied stormed off, oozing exquisite hauteur. The kind, we suspect, that can emanate only from a ballet divo engaged to a megastar.”
Although our source says reporters had not been warned in advance to refrain from asking about Portman, Nir wrote that shortly after Millepied stalked away, “we were told by the organizers that our inquiring after Ms. Portman’s health was ‘inappropriate’ and that Mr. Millepied wanted us out.”
“Later still, we were told we could stay if we didn’t report,” Nir continues. “We left.”
How dare someone ask about your pregnant fiance’s we well-being!!! American pigs!
I don’t know why this guy was even being interviewed but he was taking pictures like this, so I hope it’s because he loves tights and is a ballet dancer.
Big strong man.
-Rocco
Let’s Guess How Old This Girl Is??
Posted on: March 27, 2011
- In: Music
- 2 Comments
*spoiler alert* She’s 12. This is Jenna Rose with “OMG”. (I hope Usher sues her ass… or her parents I guess? You can’t sue 12 year olds can you??)
I think I like Rebecca Black better.
There is nothing endearing about this… she has way to much glitter eyeshadow, she’s a bad dancer, the lyrics are dumb, miraculously there is actually no melody to the song, and she couldn’t even entice people with the Black Swan effect.
I don’t know I just wasted my time watching that. This is what freaking Sundays do to me.
I hope you didn’t watch it. I’m sorry if you did.
-Rocco
Oh my Oprah… that pre-show was the longest thing I’ve ever sat through in my life.
This is the real show. Same deal… live blog, improper English, incomplete sentences, and me weeping because Leonardo DiCaprio is no where to be seen.
Let’s go…
I’ve never wished I went to the movies more this season in my life. I missed so many good ones. I suck.
LEO!! Is this the only way I will get him in my life??
I miss you Rocco
“you just lost a facebook friend”
Morgan Freeman!! Love him.
PS The Oscars are super hard to live blog. The Grammy’s have more of a flow. I’m confused. And I just choked on a piece of a banana.
Wow. James Franco in tights… yup.. I still wan to date him.
BACK TO THE FUTURE!!! This just may be my second favorite movie.
Anne Hathaway in outfit 2… James Franco is wasted and I want to make out with him.
What would happen if no one laughed at the jokes?? My worst fear. And my worst fear is coming true… this isn’t funny.
I love James Franco’s Grandma… I’d trade in my Grandfather for her. True story.
Did not know Toy Story 3 was about lesbians??? Good to know.
WTF was that look back thing?? That was dumb.
TIM HANKS!! I love Forrest Gump
TITANIC!!! AHHHHHH. I’m weeping.
Best Art Direction: Inception or Harry Potter is my guess.
SHIT! Alice In Wonderland. I’ve never seen this movie so I don’t care. I’m ready to shut this off and watch some Titanic.
Cinematography: Inception or Social Network.
YAY!! Inception. Look for Leo!! I don’t see him. That man that just won and who is speaking yelled at the audience for clapping. That was scary.
Kirk Douglas… I had no idea he was still alive. Good to know. He just called movies “pictures”… this may or may not be my father.
Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams or Haliee Sienfeld.
Melissa Leo wins. I was way off. I didn’t even have a picture prepared. Shit. Well, google her yourself. I don’t have a picture of her.
She just said “f**king”??? I like this chick. Okay… hurry up and get off the stage. That’s why this show is 2858934 hours long.
Oh Timberlake and Mila Kunis are in a movie about sex. Can’t wait to see that.
Umm J Timb.. you just stole my Banksy joke. You’re an ass.
I don’t know what’s happening… and that wasn’t funny.
And now he’s stealing Kirk Douglas’ joke… he sucks tonight.
I don’t know who the animated short people are… I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen.
I’M SO BORED!!!
Best Animated Film: I don’t think I saw any of these… but Toy Story 3 always wins shit right?? I’ll say Toy Story 3.
YAY!! I’m on a roll with guessing the winners. I should win an award for that.
bitch please
Are you all still reading this??? This is such a long show. It’s not as fun as the Grammy Awards.
YEAH I SAID IT HOLLYWOOD!!
I think I would have been an awesome old Hollywood person. Just saying.
Why is Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem in all white?? They look dumb.
Best Adapted Screenplay: 127 Hours or Social Network
YES! Social Network. I’m such a genius this year. I lost count but I’m over 50%. Aaron Sorkin… I’ve never seen him and he just spit out some fun facts about the word “network”. Let’s look at Jesse Eisenberg and Justin Timberlake.
Best Screenplay: I want to write a movie. That’s my life goal. You heard it here first.
Inception better win…. oh shit. King’s Speech won. I could have written a better script.
He has a stutter?? That’s s-s-s-sweet. (I’m going to hell)
Why is Anne Hathaway in a suit?? (3rd outfit) I don’t care why she’s in a suit… this is funny. I didn’t know she could sing.
James Franco in a dress and a Charlie Sheen joke… I still want to date him. Is that weird?? Definitely.
Russel Brand and Helen Mirren…. she is beautiful. Why is she speaking another language?? Oh I see it’s for foreign language film.
I’ll say the third one will win. PS Canada isn’t foreign. Just saying.
I think I guess right. I’m going to give myself a point.
Is this woman drunk?? Or is she just trying to find the words in English??
Reese Witherspoon and her weave are back.
Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale or Jeremy Renner (he’s hot) or Mark Ruffalo (I like him too and his wife’s name is still not named Sunrise)
CHRISTIAN BALE… or Jesus just won.
Peace be with you
When I think of what Jesus looks like….I think of him. Did he just make a joke about his maniac yelling ways?? Nice.
Marky Mark just did a black power fist move… I love it. Oh Jesus is crying. Weeping.
This show is slowly killing me. I’m actually laying down at this point and it’s only 9:40. Who were those people talking about their wedding??
Anne Hathaway (4th outfit??? I lost count)
Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman… Australian-extravaganza!!!
I'm bored rocco!!
Me too Ostrich… me too.
Is this for best score?? This is my favorite. You know what my favorite score is… Titanic.
Best Score: Social Network had a sick nasty score. So did Inception. I say Inception wins.
SOCIAL NETWORK!! Trent Reznor… you look like an actual human that does not frighten me. Good job.
JAMES FRANCO I’M BORED!!
Why is Scarlett Johansson grasping on to Matthew McConaughey hey hey shoulder?? Is she drunk too??
What is this award for?? Best Sound??? Right now I’m screaming of boredom.
INCEPTION!! No Leo?? Now I’m weeping.
I'm busy working for my Oscar
Best Sound Editing… I don’t even know what this means.
The guy in Tron (not Jeff Bridges) was sexy.
INCEPTION!! Still no Leo. Richard King… you owe that 1000% to LEO!
I really want to watch Inception right now…. such a good movie.
James Franco is bored. He’s never been so bored in his life.
WTF is Cate Blanchet wearing??? That’s hideous.
I don’t know what just happened. I answered some emails. You guys are so great by the way. You continue to read my blog and comment and encourage… so nice. You may never see this because who is still watching the Oscars and reading this at this point??… but if anyone is… I just want to say Thank you!! I love reading your comments/tweets and it keeps me motivated and challenged and on my funny toes 
And now for my own awards… best tweets about how boring the Oscars are:
Lee is bored too:
I'm bored and this picture is giant and taking over the Oscar recap blog.
I saw this exhibit today at the Metropolitan Museum Of Art and it was about guitars from Italian Americans throughout the years. It was so cool. All these custom guitars…could you imagine how awesome you have to be to have a custom guitar made for you?? Super cool is the answer to that.
By the way… we need to name the Ostrich if he’s gonna stick around. Suggestions??
OBAMA IS ON THE OSCARS. BEST PART.
By the way… the woman who won best oscar is a awful dresser. How ironic.
I love Mandy Moore. She looks great. She has great pop music. “Candy”?? “Walk Me Home??”… who’s that nerd she’s singing with?? I kinda have a crush.
OPRAH?!??!
If you could wish for anything right now… what would it be?? (that’s a good interview jamboree question by the way) I’d really want someone to hand me 5 peanut butter m&m’s.
WHAT ARE THESE CATEGORIES?!?! Strangers No More won. I’m not sure what that is.
I’m gonna close my eyes for a few minutes.
JAMES FRANCO JUST SHOUTED OUT NYU!! HOLLA!!
OMG HARRY POTTER MUSICAL!! I’m dying… this is the best f**kin part.
Oprah… you take my breath away. Look at at the audience smile broadly. You look stunning.
Oprah needs a documentary. I would watch anything she is in.
What did she just give away??? I was distracted by her curls.
I want to breathe Oprah air. I bet it smells like Ben Franklins.
Billy Crystal… I love City Slickers… ever see that movie?? It’s great.
RDJ AND JUDE LAW…. bromance central!
Did not watch since Oprah and RDJ and Jude?? Not sure who won what…
This show is awful. I’m debating if I should jump in the shower… but I don’t want to miss the big awards.
My birthday is next month… I’m not sure what to do for it. What do you guys do for your birthday??
Oh and I decided I want Interview Jamboree to be on the 1 year anniversary of Rocco’s Revolution. That’d be awesome. So he has until July. That’s soooo much time for him to prepare and rearrange schedules. Just saying. (Oh and “he” is Lee D. obv).
Jennifer Hudson sounds funny… why is she speaking in an accent??? (ohh that’s why Florence Welch was here) I have an accent… I don’t say my “ing”s. It comes out as “in”… like “runnin” or “swimmin”. Just a fun fact about myself.
PLATROW!!!
I hope potential employers never read this… I’ll never get a job because I’m just rambling to kill time until the awards I care about.
SarahJo just saved my night with this:
1) James Franco… be more stoned. Please.
2) Oprah… you just may be stoned too.
3) Anne Hathaway … you are pretty.
4) I’m so jealous of James Franco and Anne Hathaway right now.
5) Oprah just yelled JAAAAMES FRAAAANCO!!!
Thank Oprah (hahah) that picture just revived my soul… I was about to tell you childhood stories.
I don’t want Celine Dion around unless she is singing “My Heart Will Go On”. I miss Leo still. Seriously. Celine. Stop singing this… I want some heart of the ocean business.
Halle Berry… why are you crying??? Stop. She annoys me.
So back to me and my childhood. I have two sisters… and two parents. That’s Mamadukes and Big D.. co-stars of Rocco’s Rev. I’m the youngest… I definitely have youngest child syndrome.
I lost count of the number of outfits Anne Hathaway has had on. James Franco still has the same suit with bong water all over it.
Best Director: King Speech. YAYAYAY????
This will be a separate blog tomorrow because Lee bear’s hair deserves more than to be mixed into this shit… but just look at that perfection.
1) Heart of the ocean is bling-ing. I refuse to believe it’s anything else.
2) That hair. Award winning. Oscar award winning if you will (I had to make this related to Oscars right???)
3) EYEBROW!! If any of my friends or sister are reading this (which you better be… because I’m your friend/ your blood)… that’s like my eyebrow. HAHAHHA. I think I may be his sister. LMAO.
Cory Monteith.. I wish you were at the Oscars.
Oh good. The awards I care about are next.
Oh and thanks to Cher, because she is way smarter than I am, Ostrich’s name is Oscar.
Cheerio I'm Oscar!
James Franco… be more high please.
Are you straight now??? Did she just ask that?? Oh wait.. this is an award I care about.
Best Actress: Natalie Portman.
I might give birth on stage
Black Swan was a good movie. Remember that movie she was in when she gave birth in the Wal-Mart??
Do you think it’s too late to get into acting??? I want to win an Oscar. She just thanked Millipeid man for putting a baby into her uterus. That’s hilarious.
Sandra Bullock is hilarious. She is funny. I like her. Not even a whore of a husband can bring her down.
Best Actor: Colin Firth. Shocking.
Colin Firth is kinda sexy.
Oh hey yo.. NY children’s choir.
I love brushing my teeth. I love the feeling of clean teeth. That’s why I love Paul McDonald. I feel like he brushes his teeth frequently.
Also, I ate so many crackers during this stupid show I know have a stomach ache. I wonder if this is what Casey Abrams felt like. I hope I don’t get kicked out of the blogosphere. <— my jokes aren’t even funny anymore. It’s late!
Yes… drag this show out more please. I’m not ready to kill myself yet.
I’ve decided I’d rather give birth to sextuplets than watch this show again.
Best Picture: King’s Speech.
NEVER HAVE I CARED LESS.
GOOD NIGHT!!
-Rocco
PS James Franco can not be more wasted and every one has shut off these poor kids. No one is listening to them. Like myself.
Oscars 2011 Or Academy Awards 2011 Live Blog…. What Are Youuuu Wearing??
Posted on: February 27, 2011
** Spoiler alert** I’m Banksy. And I’m not going to the Oscars.
1) Why does this award show have two names?? Obnoxious.
2) Seriously. What are you wearing??
I’m in black leggings, that are way to short because apparently Mamadukes thinks I’m a little person and/or go clam digging in the East River, a grey t-shirt and I swear to Oprah… a Lee DeWyze sweatshirt. So, don’t you dare say I don’t care… the man is imprinted across my chest right now and his hair looks great.
Anyway… I hope Natalie Portman isn’t wearing the same thing I’m wearing… that would be so embarassing.
This will be a live blog people. I’m modern and I’m down with it.
Check back frequently so you can see how bad I am at guessing the winners and also who looks like a mess, and who looks so gorgeous I’m green with envy.
So, thanks for joining me and my incomplete sentences…and be prepared for randomness and out of order-ness (oh and made up words).
*spoiler alert* I’m probably going to want to date James Franco 5 minutes into his monologue.
Oh wow. I’m already into it.
Mila Kunis. Smile. You are no longer dating Macauly Culkin, who apparently looks like this now.
Armie Hammer is super happy because he just got off set for J Edgar. And he was making out with Leo. So frustrating. And I have no idea who that woman is.
I miss Leo's tongue
Is Leo going to be there?? I wish.
Why is Florence Welch there??
TIM GUNN!!! Tim Gunn is my favorite person on this planet. He makes things work.
Hailee Steinfeld is 14 and way classier than I ever will be. She is my style icon. It’s official.
Tim Gunn loves talking ballet to Mila Kunis and he just said “just a minute sister”… he’s so turned on right now.
Okay… this show is at 8:30 … not 8:00. I can’t live blog the pre-show too. That’s way too much.
I’m just going to do this sporadically.
Anne Hathaway.. look prettier.
Jennifer Hudson… why are you there and why are you wearing orange??
Wow. Russell Brand… I want to ruin your marriage and date you.
Why is Maria Menudos just stalking Justin Timberlake??? That’s strange.
This pre-show is obnoxious.
I want to see that Bradley Cooper movie… fyi. Just so you know. In case anyone wants to take me on a date this weekend.
Mark Ruffalo… I adore him. I refuse to believe his wife’s name is Sunrise. Is she a Native American??
Marisa Tomei… of course they were going to bring up Gaga. Let’s talk about semen too. She looks great.
I want to go to the Oscars.
Tim Gunn is awesome. Have I said that enough. I wish he was my Dad.
Omg Bieber commercial. I hope I see this a million times tonight.
Scarlett Johansson…. how’s you’re divorce going?? I like your pretty purple dress. Is she nominated??
Why are they stalking J Timb?? I don’t understand. I mean I try to do that on a regular basis but I don’t make it public knowledge.
By the way… I’m watching the ABC Pre-Show because I already have to watch Ryan Seacrest for 6 hours this week.. I can’t watch him tonight.
Matthew McConaughey hey hey… he’s in a movie called Lincoln Lawyer. I’m there.
Annette Bening and Warren Beatty… I have a crush on him. Is that weird?? Probably. He’s so sweet.
Anne Hathaway…. and Valentino who looks like Snooki. He looks like f-in Snooki. Can he be any more orange??
Russell Brand… bringing your Mom to the Oscars is adorable.
Did you see that Charlie Sheen commercial??
Charlie: I am on a drug.. it’s called Charlie Sheen *points*.
That happened.
Marky Mark is sexy. I adore him. I love all the Wahlbergs.
Colin Firth… who doesn’t love him?? These two have a bromance?? How cute.
Reese Witherspoon… she is so adorbs. I wonder if that’s a weave??
RDJ… Robert Downy Jr. I adore thee. Him and Jude Law are presenting?!?!?!? Now, that is a bromance.
Sexy new Spiderman.. Andrew Garfield. I hope Social Network wins for Best Picture.
Marisa Tomei
Oh that’s why Jennifer Hudson is there. I forgot she won an Oscar. I think Beyonce wanted to kill her that night.
Natalie Portman… you look waaaay better than I do on a regular basis and I’m not with child. I should probably get pregnant. Her husbands last name sounds like Millipied. Where is he??
JAMES FRANCO!! Yup he didn’t even open his mouth and I want to date him.
He’s drunk. I’m sure of it. He is a student by day, Oscar host by night.
HE IS WASTED!! and/or high. Love it.
J TIMB!! I love that they told him they were stalking him. Awkward. He’s sexy.
Reese Witherspoon and her weave.
I like Sandra Bullock. I would be her in another life… minus the dating of Jesse James. He’s gross. Who the f**k is Javier??? I have no idea what she is talking about??
Nicole Kidman… just because you married Keith Urban doesn’t mean your Oscar slate is wiped clean. That was dumb.
I would never date a guy who was shorter than me. FYI.
PALTROW!!! She is my new favorite person ever. She’s singing. THANK OPRAH!! I’m obsessed with her.
Christian Bale:
1) Never knew he had an accent. Never ever knew that.
2) Why does he always look like Jesus??
I wish Gayle King was hosting this pre-show. I thought that was her at first.
Imagine if Natalie Portman had a baby ON the red carpet. That would suck.
Hugh Jackman… what is up my friend??
TOM HANKS!! He’s sobbing.
Halle Berry… she sobbed too when she won her Oscar. Remember when she hated her baby’s Daddy and called him a racist and will not shut up about the fact that her baby is only black and not white???
I think she is a racist. I’m not listening to a word she is saying.
Is the show going to start soon???
I’m just going to stop this and start the new one.
PEACE OUT!!.. just go to the next post. Seriously. Do that.
-Rocco
- In: Television
- 2 Comments
I can’t think of another joke, so I had to repeat that one. Whattya want from me?? It’s a Monday. Now I know how Adam Lambert feels.
Let’s get down to some more pictures. And not going to lie… there is just more cute boys. Sorry. They’ll be some fun outfits from the chicks too. Because I just KNOW my demographic is a slew of straight men. (and feel free to be my secret admirer. I don’t have a favorite flower. Just surprise me)
1) Justin Timberlake is cute and I just wanted to post a picture of him because I miss his face. I’m glad he was in The Social Network.
I'm bringing SexyBack.... wanna join me??
Yes I do.
2) Andrew Garfield wins the best hair award for last night. It’s spectacular.
SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN!! DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN!
3) Betty White is 89 and won a SAG award. My Grandpa-pa is 90, is nicknamed Iggy (by me… he probably has me out of the will for that very reason), can honestly not grasp that the Yankees lose sometimes, and speaks gibberish. I want a trade in. Or maybe they should date???
Hey Iggy.... early bird special boo??
I just fake hooked up my Grandfather and Betty White. That just happened.
4) Angie Harmon looks like a swan. Not a black swan. Not a pretty white one. Like one who just got electrocuted. Rough. (by the way…. Natalie Portman looked beautiful even whilst pregnant. Every pregnant woman is super jealous she looks that good. I’m not even with child, but I want to be if pregnant women look like that)
*QUACK* (do swans quack???)
5) Helena Bonham Carter is Bellatrix Lestrange and she will torture me for being a muggle. I need to post her picture. Plus, she looks like Bernie from Weekend At Bernie’s with those glasses.
Annnnnd I think that’s it. Maybe I’ll be back with more SAG stuff… maybe I won’t. Freak out with anticipation.
-Rocco
Jim Carrey Is The Black Swan
Posted on: January 9, 2011
This is hilarious. Jim Carrey cracks me up.
That is all.
-Rocco
- In: Movies
- 2 Comments
I always considered myself a Natalie Portman fan… or I guess I just didn’t consider myself NOT a Natalie Portman fan. I guess I never really thought about it much.
She is always good in movies. I like her in Closer, The Other Boleyn Girl, and I’ll even give her those Star War movies that girls are forced to watch against their will. When your flirting with a boy who likes that movie, you have to agree to watch it and then pretend to still want to hang out with the guy, but the whole time you’re really wishing he was as cool as Hayden Christensen is with that sword that glows.
Don't tell me this doesn't trump any guy you dated in high school?? If so, you go girl!!
Anyway…. after Black Swan I made a mental note to add her to a list of people I like to actually watch act for 2 hours.
And then I see the trailer for another movie she is in… The Other Woman. It’s like the movie Stepmom, but on crack.
I can’t wait to see this and sob in the movie theater.
Like literally sob. Did I ever mention I cry a lot during movies like this??
-Rocco
