Posts Tagged ‘Blackberry’
I was going to be a real human being in 2013 and upgrade my bad self to an iPhone on February 1st, but now that Alicia Keys is dressing like a man (or a black Ellen DeGeneres) and creatively directing Blackberry globally, I’m sticking with the ‘berry!
Wait, actually Alicia Keys was using an iPhone up until yesterday so never mind.
This will be the greatest story you will read …all day. I promise you that.
I’m pretty sure that’s how the seal actually looked. This picture has not been doctored at all.
Shakria was doing things that only Shakira does, I’m assuming something like proving her hips don’t lie and wakka wakka-ing all over the place, when a seal, out for a vengeance, attacked her!
Shakira bravely took to her Facebook page to explain how her brother defeated the murderous seal:
This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals. I thought to myself how cute they were so I decided to get a bit closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock trying to pet them doing a baby talk while taking pictures… Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me. Everyone there screamed, including me. I was paralyzed by fear and couldn’t move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother “Super Tony” jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast. We both got our hands and legs scratched by the rocks while trying to protect ourselves. I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny reflection of the blackberry I was taking these pics with, with some sort of fish. It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it. Wow! It’s funny that only half an hour before I was complaining to my guide Andrew that I never get to see wild animals up close on adventurous trips. Oh well, I can’t say that anymore!! Now I’m off to see some penguins! I hope they are a bit more friendly!
So basically, that so-called douche bag seal was just a massive Steve Jobs/iPhone fan, and when Shakira started shaking her Blackberry in its face, “the beast” got angry with Shakira.
Thank Oprah, “Super Tony” was there to save the day.
I’m glad this seal thinks everything is so damn funny.
Writing that title at 6:15AM (I now know it’s 11AM but this was writing when insomnia hit) made me vomit a little bit in my mouth. I literally rolled over in bed…. I haven’t even brushed my teeth and I typed this by the light of my Mac, and vomited at the thought of fecal matter on the phone of Anderson Cooper.
THAT is the signs of a true devil phone. And Anderson Cooper doing anything for ratings.
I don’t know what Andy Cooper does with his phone, but it’s crappy. Like, there is literally crap pieces on his phone according to the scientist man with a swab.
I’m never using my phone again. Do not call me.
That’s how I’m reading this quote and looking at these pictures.
Those jeans are pretty tight. I can almost see the outline of his hatred towards Megan Fox. But until he gets jeans a size smaller, Shia LaBeouf will just talk smack about her and that’s okay because they no longer work together, so he doesn’t have to pretend to like her.
“Criticism is one thing. Then there’s public name-calling, which turns into high school bashing. Which you can’t do. She started sh-t talking our captain,”Shia told GQ, referring to Megan’s comparison of director Michael Bay to Hitler.
And then he proceeded to say how she was too reliant on technology which makes me think he was just method acting and thought she was a Decepticon.
“She was in a different world, on her BlackBerry. You gotta stay focused.”
So, what have we learned??
1) Don’t work with Shia LaBeouf because he’ll talk about you afterward.
2) Shia LaBeouf hates the Blackberry.
3) Megan Fox is still a bad actress so losing her is like The Duggar family losing a kid; they have so many, so no big deal.