Posts Tagged ‘Christian’
- In: Tidbits
- 4 Comments
I have decided I’m only going to take love advice from Michelle Duggar because she is wise, kept that hot piece of ass Jim Bob for all these years, and has the greatest hair in the game:
On the premiere of the greatest show ever, Michelle is speaking at a conference on how to be a good, Christian wife. She also handed out a worksheet called Seven Basic Needs Of A Husband. I got about a 1/3 in and I had to stop because I was ready to write an open letter (a la Billboard to Rihanna) to Michelle Duggar about how she’s a damn idiot. Here are some highlights:
1. A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man.
How does a wife destroy her husband’s manliness?
A. By expecting him to know what protection you need
1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Mental
4. Emotional
Tell your husband how he can protect you.
B. By being financially independent
1. Love is killed by self-sufficiency
2. Whoever controls the money controls the leadership.
Center your work and your ministry in your home.
C. By giving greater loyalty to outside leadership
1. Pastor and church leaders
2. Men and women Bible teachers
3. Relatives and friends
Ask your husband your spiritual questions.
D. By resisting his decisions in your spirit
1. A wife’s spirit controls her husband’s ambitions
2. Reviewing past failure destroys a husband’s self-worth.
Learn to wisely appeal to your husband
E. By resisting his physical affection
1. This is the unspoken crushing of a man’s spirit.
Please click HERE and attempt to read this whole thing. In fact, I think you and your man circa 2012 should read it together because it’s hilarious.
-Rocco
- In: Tidbits
- 8 Comments
Please, oh please let this be true.
Katy Perry’s crazy Christian parents had no objection to her marrying Russell Brand, a known sex addict and junkie, so to bring Tim Tebow in the conversation is like marrying Jesus himself.
A guy who does this on the middle of the football field…
is like a wet dream for Katy Perry’s parents, so girl better jump on it.
“[Katy's] mentioned on more than one occasion how much she likes Tim,” a source tells OK! magazine.”Katy’s mom firmly believes the best cure for heartache is to quickly fall in love again… In her mind, Tebow is the perfect guy for her daughter. He’s handsome, charming, intelligent and above all, a good Christian.”
Katy’s parents have gone as far as inviting Tim to speak at the church Katy used to sing at in Huntington Beach, Calif. Of course — when Katy will be there!
She has really great parents. I mean, they use her publicity for their creepy church, and now their creepy church is being used as a dating service for their daughter and her boobs. It’s the circle of life.
But on a serious note.. if Tim Tebow would have decent posture once in awhile, I’d let him take me to church once and awhile. But, I’ll never vote Republican.
-Rocco
We are all on the same page about that right?? The hatred Katy Perry’s parents feel for their daughter in unreal and her new Rolling Stone cover just adds fuel to the fire.
First off, no set of parents who pray and clutch the bible as they sleep are into the Hershey Kiss bra.
Second, Katy Perry believes in aliens (and not the Mexican kind) and she is a total democrat who wants free health care. Her parents are currently trying to douse her with holy water before their heads explode.
Katy Perry loves the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens:
“Oh my God,” she says. “When it talks about the sky people, how everyone comes from the sky and how the Pyramids were used for star observations, it’s too much for me. It all seems to connect the dots. It’s blowing my mind.”
And she’s such a democrat:
“It just feels like the thing running our country is a bank, money,” she says. “I know it sounds like an intense viewpoint, but I’m only slowly but surely getting the wool taken off my eyes. When I was a kid, I asked questions about my faith. Now I’m asking questions about the world.”
She continues: “I think we are largely in desperate need of revolutionary change in the way our mindset is. Our priority is fame, and people’s wellness is way low. I saw this knowing full well that I’m a part of the problem. I’m playing the game, though I am trying to reroute. Anyway, not to get all politically divulging and introspective, but the fact that America doesn’t have free health care drives me fucking absolutely crazy, and is so wrong.“
Russell Brand is like Satan and has taken this Evangelical Christian from the church and has turned her into something her parents would normally burn at the stake.
Nice job Russell. I like you more.
Someone check on Mr. & Mrs. Perry and make sure they haven’t killed themselves.
-Rocco
So Katy Perry Is Kind Of A Wench??
Posted on: May 21, 2011
- In: Tidbits
- 3 Comments
No wonder Lee DeWyze decided he liked Lady Gaga better than Katy Perry. He just feels sorry for Lady Gaga’s insanity and doesn’t feel sorry for the fact that Katy Perry is a giant bitch. <— you can quote him on that. I’m like 78% confident he feels that way.
Katy Perry’s tour rider (demands that are unnecessary) was leaked and she needs to relax. Reading this actually made me want to punch her in the face and both boobs. Here are some of the ridiculous requests that make her look like a stuck up jerk:
1)NO CARNATIONS!! (I don’t know what her beef is with carnations but she hates them. Maybe they kill her?? Or make her realize her that blue wig looks demented???)
2) Baby wipes. Huggies, of course (Will.I.Am. will be proud)
3) A jar of quality honey
4) a ridiculous amount of furniture all in cream
5) 2 French ornate styled floor lamps
And my absolute favorite are the demands she has for her driver…..
1) no opening doors
2) no touching bags
3) no staring at the backseat through the rear view mirror (<– I’m pretty sure that’s called driving, watching the road and changing lanes. But go ahead and get in a car accident. At least than we don’t have to pay attention to this tour rider)
4) no talking to Katy Perry or her fans (I really want to speak to this driver)
5) no driving anywhere besides the left lane (I hope her driver isn’t taking her up to the rapture because he’s gonna have to leave the left lane for that)
6) drivers window must be 1/2 way down at pick up and drop off
7) The driver will never assume
And there are about 10 more requests that are just as dumb. You can read the whole tour rider HERE at the Smoking Gun.
She does know she looks like a complete asshole right??? I guess that’s the result of strict, Christian upbringing. They should have just let her listen to the damn Michael Jackson album and vacuum with the Dirt Devil.
-Rocco
- In: Lady Gaga
- 7 Comments
(**EDIT** Lady Gaga ruins everything. She will be performing on the finale of SNL. The same episode that J Timb is hosting. She ruins everything that is golden to me)
So, there goes her authenticity. She just admitted she plagiarized from the Lord. Like the literal Lord. Oprah will have her head for this.
I look like this in real life. Dont worry about it.
According to Lady Gaga (and her totally sane mind), God wrote a song about being in love and lust with Judas. Now, this will piss off the Christians more than anything I’m sure, because there is nothing religion hates more than the dude on dude love.
I swear to Oprah (or the new Grammy Award winning songwriter, God) that this is what Lady Gaga said:
“I just have to say (Starts crying)….I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it…there’s no way for something that pure to be wrong. (Reaches for Marilyn Monroe lighter) I need a cigarette.”
Oh and she didn’t plagiarise from Madonna on her “Born This Way” track (just from God)
No. Listen to me. Why the fuck…? I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? That’s retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in the eyes and tell you that I am not dumb enough or moronic enough to think that you are dumb or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It’s the same one that’s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist. It means I’m fucking smart. Sorry.
Why don’t we get that she’s a f**king genius?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH US ALL?!?!?
I’m gonna go sit in a dark room with candles and see if Oprah, or God, or Judas, Or some other religious figure will write a blog post for me. I’ll be back.
-Rocco
