Posts Tagged ‘Colton Dixon’
Posted February 18, 2013on:
I can’t even create a cross on my computer to show you how ridiculous Colton Dixon is so I’ll just post the picture that started this whole infuriating thing.
He’s either really into Jesus or he’s super still into Twilight, which by the way, I can’t remember why I started that rumor that he loved Twilight.
Anyway, the hair, the army jacket, the title of the single “You Are”, and the fact that is album is called The Messenger.
Is the this “messenger” he speaks of? Did Jesus tell him he’s the messenger or did Dr. Cullen say so? <— get it? Because of Twilight?
P Squared tweeted a tweet about napping, but in the same tweet expressed his fear that we do not care.
In fact, I have questions about your nap:
1) How long did you nap? Was it a cat nap, power nap, or coma like nap?
2) Were you under the covers or over and just covered by a light sheet?
3) Did you drool at all? That can sometimes dictate the type of sleep you had?
4) How many REM cycles occurred?
5) What clothes were you wearing? Did you change into pajama bottoms? (Side note/ fun fact: when I’m super serious about a nap— I really enjoy taking off my jeans and wearing sweats)
6) Did you dream? More specifically… did you dream about me?
7) Were you bothered by Heejun Han or Colton Dixon whilst this nap was happening?
8 ) How were you finally awoken?
9) I think I proved my point because I am out of questions.
Oh wait one more question: why didn’t you “ha” or “haha” at the end of this tweet? Do you “haha” in your dreams?
Posted June 21, 2012on:
As funny as it’ll be to hear Phillip Phillips sing One Direction (seriously… the part of my heart that beats only for PP is going to be removed and placed with stone so I don’t love him more) the Idol crew really know how to kill a special song.
Love or hate One Direction, you can not deny that “What Makes You Beautiful” is as catchy ass song and you secretly sing that into her hairbrush in the morning.
Simon Cowell is bathing in a tub of his millions while watching this short clip of the Idol gang sing “WMYB” as they rehearse for tour and I’m pretty sure what I’m going to say is exactly what he’s thinking.
-Colton Dixon’s hair still looks like piss. Jesus would not approve.
- Heejun has lost is shine.
- Jacob/Joshua (I forgot the name of the black guy with the American Flag Old Navy shirt already) is a massive One Direction fan and comes out of the closet every time he sings this song. I love him now. He’s my new favorite— sorry Heejun.
- I have no idea who the rest of those people are—- I’ve never seen them before in my life.
That pretty much sums up that video. I can’t wait to hear the entire mess.
Posted May 23, 2012on:
(Editor’s Note: I will get to “Home” because that brilliant piece of music deserves its own post)
No one likes Jessica Sanchez. You can’t honestly sit there and tell me that she is appealing… musically or as a person. She is void of all emotion and I’m pretty sure she is the one that planted kidney stones in PP’s kidney’s and that’s why he’s probably pissing blood; the poor kid.
Last night was the American Idol season 11 finale and without watching it in its entirety, I already know that Phillip Phillips is fields better than Jessica Snachez and him losing the title of American Idol might work out for him. I also know that Colton Dixon put fresh urine in his hair and Heejun Han ironed his pink polo.
Okay let’s get into the awesome-ness that is Phillip Squared:
“Stand By Me”…. I’ll stand by P2 anytime he asks. Obviously. And not just in stalkerish way… I mean, I’ll stand by him while they draw blood to see if I’m a kidney donor match. He can have one of my kidney’s if it means HE KEEPS MAKING MUSIC LIKE THE GREATEST THING MY EARS HAVE EVER HEARD, “HOME”!
I don’t think he sang one note from the original melody, but that’s okay because boy had on a baby blue button down and I think I spy some of that chest flair.
But in all seriousness… he sounded good. That laid back growl suits the music he sings. And the best part of it all is he doesn’t seem to have that pretentious “oh I’m a singer songwriter and more of a musician than you” vibe about him. (AND JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET TO “HOME”!!!!)
“Movin’ Out”… I don’t really care about this song.
Sexy sax girl is back so that’s good (she should just follow him around), and he did his little stutter on the 2nd verse and I appreciate that.
Listen guys: Let Jessica have this one. She has no friends… the girl is homeschooled. Let her win this. Let her sing her shitty winner’s single that will barely get radio airplay.
Phillip Phillips, win or lose, is going to be just fine. Shit… he may even be the first Idol contestant in years to actually sell records (BECAUSE OF HIS GENIUS SINGLE “HOME”!!!!).
Basically… to sum everything up; every other Idol contestant is currently dead to me. Which brings us to “Home”.
To be continued….
I’m pretty sure he’s pushing that woman away.
Posted May 2, 2012on:
First off, what the hell does British Week even mean? Just let these people sing what they want so we can weed out the ones we hate and will never buy music from quickly.
Two, American Idol Live-ish blog will probably blow up in my face once again tonight, so I’m not going to waste my time and write a long intro. I just want to let the government know that by denying me a live stream of FOX you are a) forcing me to do other illegal things to pay my rent b) pissing Revolution-ers off!
And Oscar has to participate in Twilight Parody web videos staring members of the Animal Kingdom. Not good. Trust me. (I’m imagining this and cracking up by the way).
Anyway, lets see if this works… if not, lets just remember the good times and by good times I mean Phillip Phillips making Usher look like Urkel.
I’m gonna need P^2 to never shave again and to lose some buttons on his shirt.
Check back tomorrow for recaps. The Government has found me out!
Posted April 25, 2012on:
Is that even the theme? Are they really singing Queen songs? I just want to get yelled at more today so I thought I’d throw in some Adam Lambert comments.
LIVE-ISH BLOG IS BACK! Sorry for the hiatus last week.. hope you all survived and if not… you have no idea that we’re back tonight. Sorry.
I believe Queen is theme tonight and Colton Dixon is probably even sadder that America hates him because he could have gotten really emo tonight.
Below are the songs for this week… I have no idea what those songs are, and all I know is Phillip Phillips isn’t singing Usher again. F**k my life.
Let’s go! (Also heard Ryan Seacrest has the flu. What a girl. Grow a pair and host! I’d rather watch his highlighted head than Nigel Lythgoe.’s face.)
Just kidding. i have no live stream. sorry. this is not happening.
Back in action! I think I missed a group performance that was probably awful. And If I missed Ryan Seacrest puke on J Lo’s shoes I’ll be pissed.
God I hope Ryan Seacrest projectile vomits everywhere.
He’s sitting down! SO DRAMATIC!!!
Jessica: Bohemian Rhapsody
Black & White. What will BB Chez say? I already want to punch her. Three heads on the screen? Oh my god. The judges are already having a wet dream over this, I can tell.
But seriously… do people like this girl? I now have whatever illness is slowly killing ryan seacrest.
J Lo looks like an astronaut.
Ok live stream out again. It’s because I made fun of Colton Dixon loving Jesus. I’m sorry.
Come back tomorrow for my recap of P^2 because that’s the only person that matters. I’m going to go “research” One Direction.
He’s like Ren McCormick without all the fruity dance moves.
Kris with a K Allen graced American Idol last night and showed Phillip Phillips what his future will look like because P^2 is EXACTLY every other American Idol winner in the past 5 years. And yes I mean David Cook, Kris with a K, Lee DeWyze, and Scott McCreery. There’s even a great picture the internet gave me to prove this.
I’ve never seen a truer photograph in my life.
Anyway, Kris with a K performed his new single, “Vision of Love” and he’s just a gem.
1) What the f**k is Taylor Hicks doing there?
2) Kris with a K has great bone structure.
3) This was excellent. He may be my favorite from the 5 headed WGWG monster above as of now.
God likes his falsetto more than Colton Dixon. Just saying.
Due to other obligations (planning ways I can fake my own death so I can get out of serving up margaritas and pizza to snobs), I must rely on all of you to school me on tonight’s episode of American Idol.
And by that, I need to know how obnoxious Jessica Sanchez was, if Skylar finally shot someone with her rifle, if Colton stopped being whiny and removed the urine colored hair dye from his head, and if Phillip Phillips stripped down naked because he’s protesting the absence of the live-ish blog. I mean, that will probably happen.
I recommend you all follow Heejun Han on Twitter because he’ll probably tweet funnier things about Idol anyway.
I can’t even get into it as much as I want too, because I have better things to do but someone needs to tell Colton Dixon that P^2 IS NOT JESUS!
I mean, I get it. He looks heavenly. His eyes can make the blind see. His voice can make the mute speak. His guitar playing can make the lepers have nice skin and friends (I think that’s what was going on in the New Testament… it’s been awhile). And his subtle chest hair can make those stones bounce right off of all the Mary Magdalene’s of the world, but HE IS NOT JESUS!
Why was Colton lying in P^2′s lap? And more importantly, why was P^2 running his hand through the urine colored hair??
What the hell does Heejun have to say about this?
I know I’m offended.
Posted April 11, 2012on:
Which one of you had sex with a producer to make this happen? Thank you to whoever did it. You are a true patriot.
Not only are the contestants going to sing songs from this decade, but someone is going to ruin an awesome Bruno Mars song:
“Runaway Baby”??? Whoever is doing this already ruined it. And if it’s that Mantasia man… I will kill him and then kill myself. YES! The headlines will read: A MURDER/SUICIDE OVER AMERICAN IDOL!
I’m even going bash P^2 if he does this… unless of course he thrusts his hips at the “there’s only one carrot and they all got to share it” line.
Ahhh even then it won’t be as good! (By the way… Adam Lambert’s new single is “Never Close Our Eyes”… the one with Bruno Mars. Now I can keep fighting with Adam Lambert fans. YAY!)
Anyway, Nigel Lythgoe got all your tweets and finally has a theme relevant to you, me, and the rest of the world. I’m so glad I don’t have to listen to an Elton John song or something by Journey.
We got some Kelly Clarkson, Kellie Pickler, Pink, Maroon 5… it’s my playlist come true. IT’S ROCCO THEMED TONIGHT! But let me just say if Darren Criss doesn’t sing “Somebody That I Used To Know” as a special guest and Colton Dixon does it instead…. I’m gonna be offended.
I said it before and I’ll say it again: I just want to make out with Darren Criss. Just once.
Okay.. let’s get into these fools that I do not want to make out with (minus Philip Squared of course!)
Why is Tommy Hilfiger still “guiding” these people? At least get someone awesome like Carson Kressley to do this.
Akon is the guest mentor. He knows hits and how to throw fans from the stage. I’m also pretty sure he date rapped someone, but maybe I’m mixing up my hip hop stars.
I love that they have subtitles for her family. So rude American Idol. And people say I make fun of people below the Mason Dixon line.
Akon has no idea who Kellie Pickler is. “I wanted to throw her from the stage”.
She plays gee-tar. Adorable. This little gun slinging republican is growing on me. Though… she does look like she’s 47 years old.
Did she just quack?? It doesn’t matter the judges loved her.
Annnnnnd my feed went out.
I have no idea what Colton is singing. It’s emo and he’s whining about something.
Ohhhh “love The Way You Lie”. Well he’s better than Rihanna, but this song just makes me think of domestic violence which makes it really uncomfortable.
I feel like Daddy just hit Mommy at the dinner table.
Do you think Colton cries a lot? I think he does. I wish he rapped Eminem’s part.
His hair is still the color of piss. Just saying.
This show must be 2 hours because the judges each seem to talk for 7 minutes. Kill me now. Just make this show an hour!
OHHHH P^2 singing “Somebody That I Used To Know”. Two boys I want to make out with singing this song?? I believe in a higher power!
I don’t know why Elise is abusing P^2. And omg this is already perfect. P^2′s got this… the rest of the people covering this song can sit down. Minus Darren Criss and Matt Bomer.
P^2′s laugh is how babies are made.
I refuse to believe that Jessica has friends as school and that her town chants “BB CHEZ”. That doesn’t happen.
I’m already bored with this. Jessica can choose songs from 2010-2012 and she chooses this ballad? She’s an idiot.
Shocking. Everyone loves her. She set the bar high. SHE STILL HAS NO PERSONALITY. And no one can convince me otherwise.
Bruno? I guess murder/suicide might happen tonight.
How is he only 20??? I don’t believe that for a second!
He’s ruining it already.
Jimmy just said Joshua is only relatable to black people. He’s such a racist.
Joshua sounds possessed.
This is how it should be done.
Oh they bring Joshua’s dad on stage?? Now I look like a bitch.
Silly girl. Colton is dating Jesus and Skylar sleeps with guns.
Since I’m bored with this… let’s cut to Heejun:
SHE’S NOT EVEN AMERICAN?!?!??! How is she on this show??? Is that even allowed? They kick off convicts and the funny Asian but let people who aren’t American on? I’m so confused.
You know what’s not perfect?? That bird skirt. It reminds me of a… oh god.!
One of Oscar’s relatives died for that skirt. Get on it PETA!
I didn’t pay attention to any of that.
The judges hate her and clearly want this little non american gone.
I want a P^2 T-shirt and a dead stuff turkey that he held.
His dad really loves him.
P^2 doesn’t care what Jimmy has to say. He hates Jimmy. Jimmy can suck it. And he definitely has no idea who Akon is.
Girls like Colton more? 12 year old girls who’ve never seen a chest hair like Colton better. #truestory
Adam Levine is dead to me. So is J Lo. Guess those divorced papers that were served to her today put her in a bad mood?
I love this Kelly Clarkson song. Just FYI. In case you guys ever have to take a quiz on my life. Jessica sucks.
JASON SEGEL!!!! WHAT? I love how Jason Segel says my name. I guess I’ll root for Elise.
“You and I”. She sings this better than Haley Reinhart and Lady Gaga. NO DRUMS?!??! What the hell is wrong with Jimmy???
I like Elise. This is good.
Randy Jackson thinks so too. He just said “ohh ohhh OHHH”. He liked it.
It’s over???? Oh thank god.
Hollie is obviously going home.