Posts Tagged ‘David Beckham’
Posted May 17, 2013on:
David Beckham is retiring from soccer.
Did your life change?
Good. Mine didn’t either. We may not have David Beckham kicking around a ball, but we always have those giant H&M billboard of Beckham’s crotch.
The only reason I’m posting this is because I just want to re-post these ridiculous photos of David.
See what I mean? You can see that if you go into H&M.
Now America can stop pretending we understand or like soccer.
David Beckham loves his junk. Seriously. Have you seen those H&M underwear ads? So much shoved in our faces. It’s even worse when it’s on a giant billboard. Anecdote: There’s a giant underwear billboard of David Beckham on my way to work and I don’t know where to look.
If I look up, I’m a perv scoping out David’s junk, and if I look to the ground, I look like I have no self-esteem and run into people.
Long story short– I look like I have a tick and am insane because my head moves around rapidly and my eyes dart around in a shifty manner. It’s shocking I haven’t been arrested for suspicious behavior.
Anyway, here is the Calvin Klein underwear ad that I haven’t seen until this AM. I don’t really want that underwear.
And if some guy ever took off his pants in front of me and happened to be wearing these Calvin Klein knickers (right word?) I’d laugh.
Unlike Zac Efron, Victoria Beckham actually cracked a smile and seemed to enjoy watching large black men run in circles around a court chasing a ball back and forth for 2 hours.
I can’t believe her face didn’t crack and fall into pieces when she moved the muscles in her mouth to squeeze out this half assed smirk.
The sad part for most of us, that face would mean we were getting a divorce from David Beckham and one of our children just died, but to Victoria Beckham that’s her having the greatest night of her life.
Just a warning: If anyone ever presents me with a plate of fruit for my birthday… you’re getting a face full of fruit in the face and no wet one to wipe the sticky juice off.
Get a piece of cake like a real person. I don’t eat sweets a month before my birthday so I can nosh on candy and chocolate treats all day. Okay.. that’s a lie.. I eat a sweet treat every day but that’s BECAUSE I’M A NORMAL PERSON!! And a birthday is just an excuse to eat more sweet treats, and by more I mean a giant ass cake with your name all over it because you survived for X amount of years.
Let’s all just assume Victoria Beckham had a shitty birthday.
It’s because The Zefron reads Men’s Health and someone from True Blood or David Beckham is always on that magazine cover!
By the way, this is just a fancy “…Looks Like This Now” post; don’t get too excited for a wordy, made up Zac Efron tale. It’s Monday.
I swear on Oprah’s mass control of the human race, that I had no idea David Beckham was ACTUALLY on the cover of that Men’s Health Magazine. But… it just proves that I’m kinda a genius.
I think Efron needs his own category if he’s gonna keep getting hotter and dropping contraception in the face of children. I’ll get on that later.
You guys…. she’s just extremely tired. It’s hard for her to move her lips in the upward position when she’s tired.
Wait… scratch that. Bitch was just
at the after party. She didn’t even need to sit at the show for 17 hours. I sat through the entire thing, without a drop of alcohol and I was smiling the entire time.
She’s just hungry.
She looks like one of those orphan kids from horror movies that kill their entire family. That or…. actually she looks like she always looks, it’s just the dress that gives it the orphan detail.
Victoria Beckham showed up looking like that to every fashion event in the past week, and of course we all made fun of her. Well, Posh told The Daily Mirror to lay off and stop having the starving children of the world ration their food to her because she is just tired. SHE HAS KIDS!:
“Look, if people want to say I’m miserable then so be it. I’m really not. I have a lot on my plate. I’m not going to lie about it, I’m tired. I’m really tired but I’m also very happy with my life.
I’m basically just like any woman who’s working and has lots of children – it’s tough. I’m not getting much sleep at all. Harper’s not sleeping that great, and I’ve been taking Skype business calls throughout the night too because of the collections. I’m up with the baby as all mums are and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s not a team of people doing it for me. And then people want to say I look crap. Well, I’m a working mum, so give me a break.
It’s actually been crazy. I had Harper, I was working on the collection and I was straight back into it. I took a lot on board. I’m tired. You can’t look your best all the time.
The thing is I get the game I’m in. People can read the shit about me and believe what they want and I get it. But I don’t want to focus on that side of things. The glass is always half full for me. You can’t get hung up on what other people say. I surround myself with the people that matter. And everything else can just go away.”
I get that she has 4 kids… but let’s not for one second pretend she doesn’t have a nanny. I’ll believe she eats 3 meals a day before I believe she doesn’t have at least one nanny.
Me and my family just eat a bunch of food, get drunk (and by that I mean 1 glass of wine), watch TV and argue over dumb shit… the Beckhams dress up like the Virgin Mary, baby Jesus, and Joseph.
Well, actually its actors who look like the Beckhams that do this, but this post is pointless if it’s not really them, so to make it funny, pretend it’s really them. Okay??
It’s the day after Christmas… give me a break, please.
I’m not gonna lie to you all. I hate heels.
If I could wear flip-flops all day, everyday I would, but when the weather drops below 60 degrees and I don’t want hypothermia, I’ll throw on a pair of flats or boot… but NOT HEELS!
Not only do I look like a moron walking in them (mainly because I can’t walk like a proper human being in heels), but they are terribly uncomfortable and impractical. What if I was getting chased by a murderer??? He or she would end my life because I tried to look cute and feminine in a pair of heels. I’ll take the fashion hit, just so I don’t take the murder hit… get it??
The reason I bring this up is because I just saw a photo of Victoria Beckham wearing heels whilst carrying her new baby girl, and all I could think was”if that was me.. that baby would be dropped on her head because I would be tripping”.
HOW IS SHE STILL STANDING???
I don’t think carrying your newborn in shoes with height like that is safe at all. I think the American Family Association should focus on the safety issue that is mother’s carrying their children while wearing stilettos,rather than gays on television. But that’s just me.