Posts Tagged ‘Deandre Brackensick’
You can imagine the giggle fest that came out of my mouth while reading DeAndre Brackensick and Jessica Sanchez are an item.
I mean, there’s nothing else to say about this except a big “HAHAHA!”. Where is Phillip Phillips and his “ha”‘s when I need him?
“I got a secret and I want you guys to guess. I’ll nod if it’s no or yes,” Sanchez teased to fans
“He’s my boyfriend. Love you guys,” she told fans.
This is funny to me because I can’t even picture Jessica having friends, let alone a boyfriend!
I hope they break up ON STAGE at the end of the tour— that will give BB Chez some album material which she swears is a little more “urban” than the stuff she performed on the show.
With those two bits of news hitting my brain this morning— I don’t know which is more hilarious, picturing these two dating or picturing Jessica Sanchez singing “urban” music?
I just really hope Fusilli Head is singing falsetto on her album.
-Rocco
American Idol Live-ish Blog?? Will Rocco Be Able To Make Fun Of These People Sing British Music
Posted on: May 2, 2012
First off, what the hell does British Week even mean? Just let these people sing what they want so we can weed out the ones we hate and will never buy music from quickly.
Two, American Idol Live-ish blog will probably blow up in my face once again tonight, so I’m not going to waste my time and write a long intro. I just want to let the government know that by denying me a live stream of FOX you are a) forcing me to do other illegal things to pay my rent b) pissing Revolution-ers off!
See the kind of work I have to do??
And Oscar has to participate in Twilight Parody web videos staring members of the Animal Kingdom. Not good. Trust me. (I’m imagining this and cracking up by the way).
Anyway, lets see if this works… if not, lets just remember the good times and by good times I mean Phillip Phillips making Usher look like Urkel.
I’m gonna need P^2 to never shave again and to lose some buttons on his shirt.
Check back tomorrow for recaps. The Government has found me out!
-Rocco
American Idol Live-ish Blog: Queen?? Adam Lambert Fans Are Already Pissed Off
Posted on: April 25, 2012
Is that even the theme? Are they really singing Queen songs? I just want to get yelled at more today so I thought I’d throw in some Adam Lambert comments.
Not nice!
LIVE-ISH BLOG IS BACK! Sorry for the hiatus last week.. hope you all survived and if not… you have no idea that we’re back tonight. Sorry.
I believe Queen is theme tonight and Colton Dixon is probably even sadder that America hates him because he could have gotten really emo tonight.
*sob* Jesus has bigger plans for me
Below are the songs for this week… I have no idea what those songs are, and all I know is Phillip Phillips isn’t singing Usher again. F**k my life.
Let’s go! (Also heard Ryan Seacrest has the flu. What a girl. Grow a pair and host! I’d rather watch his highlighted head than Nigel Lythgoe.’s face.)
HOW IS THIS SHOW 2 HOURS STILL?!?!
Just kidding. i have no live stream. sorry. this is not happening.
Back in action! I think I missed a group performance that was probably awful. And If I missed Ryan Seacrest puke on J Lo’s shoes I’ll be pissed.
God I hope Ryan Seacrest projectile vomits everywhere.
post vomit
He’s sitting down! SO DRAMATIC!!!
Jessica: Bohemian Rhapsody
Black & White. What will BB Chez say? I already want to punch her. Three heads on the screen? Oh my god. The judges are already having a wet dream over this, I can tell.
But seriously… do people like this girl? I now have whatever illness is slowly killing ryan seacrest.
J Lo looks like an astronaut.
Skylar Laine:
Ok live stream out again. It’s because I made fun of Colton Dixon loving Jesus. I’m sorry.
Come back tomorrow for my recap of P^2 because that’s the only person that matters. I’m going to go “research” One Direction.
-Rocco
American Idol: I Literally Can Not Believe They Are Singing Songs From This Decade
Posted on: April 11, 2012
Which one of you had sex with a producer to make this happen? Thank you to whoever did it. You are a true patriot.
Not only are the contestants going to sing songs from this decade, but someone is going to ruin an awesome Bruno Mars song:
“Runaway Baby”??? Whoever is doing this already ruined it. And if it’s that Mantasia man… I will kill him and then kill myself. YES! The headlines will read: A MURDER/SUICIDE OVER AMERICAN IDOL!
I’m even going bash P^2 if he does this… unless of course he thrusts his hips at the “there’s only one carrot and they all got to share it” line.
Ahhh even then it won’t be as good! (By the way… Adam Lambert’s new single is “Never Close Our Eyes”… the one with Bruno Mars. Now I can keep fighting with Adam Lambert fans. YAY!)
Anyway, Nigel Lythgoe got all your tweets and finally has a theme relevant to you, me, and the rest of the world. I’m so glad I don’t have to listen to an Elton John song or something by Journey.
We got some Kelly Clarkson, Kellie Pickler, Pink, Maroon 5… it’s my playlist come true. IT’S ROCCO THEMED TONIGHT! But let me just say if Darren Criss doesn’t sing “Somebody That I Used To Know” as a special guest and Colton Dixon does it instead…. I’m gonna be offended.
I said it before and I’ll say it again: I just want to make out with Darren Criss. Just once.
Okay.. let’s get into these fools that I do not want to make out with (minus Philip Squared of course!)
Me and Colton have the same hair. Just saying.
Why is Tommy Hilfiger still “guiding” these people? At least get someone awesome like Carson Kressley to do this.
Akon is the guest mentor. He knows hits and how to throw fans from the stage. I’m also pretty sure he date rapped someone, but maybe I’m mixing up my hip hop stars.
Skyalr:
I love that they have subtitles for her family. So rude American Idol. And people say I make fun of people below the Mason Dixon line.
Akon has no idea who Kellie Pickler is. “I wanted to throw her from the stage”.
She plays gee-tar. Adorable. This little gun slinging republican is growing on me. Though… she does look like she’s 47 years old.
Did she just quack?? It doesn’t matter the judges loved her.
Colton:
Annnnnnd my feed went out.
I have no idea what Colton is singing. It’s emo and he’s whining about something.
Ohhhh “love The Way You Lie”. Well he’s better than Rihanna, but this song just makes me think of domestic violence which makes it really uncomfortable.
I feel like Daddy just hit Mommy at the dinner table.
Do you think Colton cries a lot? I think he does. I wish he rapped Eminem’s part.
His hair is still the color of piss. Just saying.
This show must be 2 hours because the judges each seem to talk for 7 minutes. Kill me now. Just make this show an hour!
OHHHH P^2 singing “Somebody That I Used To Know”. Two boys I want to make out with singing this song?? I believe in a higher power!
I don’t know why Elise is abusing P^2. And omg this is already perfect. P^2′s got this… the rest of the people covering this song can sit down. Minus Darren Criss and Matt Bomer.
P^2′s laugh is how babies are made.
Helllllo world!
Jessica:
I refuse to believe that Jessica has friends as school and that her town chants “BB CHEZ”. That doesn’t happen.
I’m already bored with this. Jessica can choose songs from 2010-2012 and she chooses this ballad? She’s an idiot.
Shocking. Everyone loves her. She set the bar high. SHE STILL HAS NO PERSONALITY. And no one can convince me otherwise.
Joshua:
Bruno? I guess murder/suicide might happen tonight.
How is he only 20??? I don’t believe that for a second!
He’s ruining it already.
Jimmy just said Joshua is only relatable to black people. He’s such a racist.
Joshua sounds possessed.
This is how it should be done.
Oh they bring Joshua’s dad on stage?? Now I look like a bitch.
Silly girl. Colton is dating Jesus and Skylar sleeps with guns.
Since I’m bored with this… let’s cut to Heejun:
Hollie:
SHE’S NOT EVEN AMERICAN?!?!??! How is she on this show??? Is that even allowed? They kick off convicts and the funny Asian but let people who aren’t American on? I’m so confused.
You know what’s not perfect?? That bird skirt. It reminds me of a… oh god.!
I'm alive! I'm here!
One of Oscar’s relatives died for that skirt. Get on it PETA!
I didn’t pay attention to any of that.
The judges hate her and clearly want this little non american gone.
Phillip:
PHILLLLLLLLL!!!
I want a P^2 T-shirt and a dead stuff turkey that he held.
His dad really loves him.
P^2 doesn’t care what Jimmy has to say. He hates Jimmy. Jimmy can suck it. And he definitely has no idea who Akon is.
Girls like Colton more? 12 year old girls who’ve never seen a chest hair like Colton better. #truestory
Adam Levine is dead to me. So is J Lo. Guess those divorced papers that were served to her today put her in a bad mood?
I love this Kelly Clarkson song. Just FYI. In case you guys ever have to take a quiz on my life. Jessica sucks.
Elise:
JASON SEGEL!!!! WHAT? I love how Jason Segel says my name. I guess I’ll root for Elise.
“You and I”. She sings this better than Haley Reinhart and Lady Gaga. NO DRUMS?!??! What the hell is wrong with Jimmy???
I like Elise. This is good.
Randy Jackson thinks so too. He just said “ohh ohhh OHHH”. He liked it.
It’s over???? Oh thank god.
Hollie is obviously going home.
-Rocco
The fact that boy bands are making a come back makes me want to transport myself back to 7th grade and tell all the haters to f**k off because boy bands will always be relevant and stealing my Backstreet Boy pen is childish and something assholes do.
Deandre Brackensick, Macaroni Head, went home from idol last night.
I'm so sad I'm leaving *falsetto*
I mean, too bad because that macaroni joke was a hit.
Anyway, that happened, and no one seems torn up about it. But what did get torn was under garments last night because hottie boy band The Wanted performed their hit “Glad You Came”.
Who’s your favorite? My favorite is obviously Max George and my god I just want him to whisper sweet nothings in my ear in his British accent.
That song is all sorts of good. I LOVE BOY BANDS & POP MUSIC!
-Rocco
American Idol Live-ish Blog: None Of These People Were Born In The 80′s And I Miss Heejun Han
Posted on: April 4, 2012
Could you imagine Heejun Han on 80′s night?? My god! The dance party that would go down would be epic. A dance battle between Heej and Dancing Baby would obviously commence.
DANCE DANCE!
Anyway, he’s not here so we have to deal with ballads I presume.
I have no idea who the mentor is, but let’s assume it’s someone who has nothing to do with the 80′s.
LIKE OSCAR!
Oscar’s actually 12.
Let’s go yo!!
I’m pretty sure J Lo didn’t want to save Heejun.
And this montage is killing me.
Heejun Han is still the funniest person on Twitter.
Deandre:
I had a picture of macaroni for him (because I like to re-use jokes) but the God of Not Re-using Jokes is preventing me from posting it.
I didn’t pay attention. Who knows what went down? People liked him… I think. I had to get my macaroni picture in place to make you all laugh.
Elise:
Oh of course Elise has her own band. That hate that she’s on Idol. They probably broke up.
Are Lee fans losing their minds yet that she’s singing “Hallelujah” in rehearsal? Are you glad that she’s singing “Wanna Know What Love Is”? Is anyone else intrigued that Gwen Stefani and that really tan man who’s also in No Doubt used to date?
She has a great, big ‘ol voice but she will never win. And is Hilfiger dressing these people still? If so, I think J Lo is helping out.
Steven hates this song as much as I hate his nail polish.
I TOLD YOU J LO DRESSED HER!!! I’m a genius! I should just end this here.
Colton:
Oh good colton got highlights this week.
Oh IDOL YOU SCHOOLED ME!
This is the part I don’t pay attention to because it’s bullshit and filler.
Colton looks like someone peed on his head. Just saying.
Ghetto Superstar is better than this shit. Plus, country music didn’t exist in the 80′s. Did Jesus even like country music? He was more of an indie rock guy.
P^2:
Again… still the best bromance ever!
I hate Phil Collins…. with a passion. And Gwen Stefani hates Phillip Phillips with a passion. But the really tan man has faith.
I’m glad he decided to wear grey again and I’m glad he decided not to shave.
He always sounds great. The growl is perfect.
Wait… he brought his brother on stage with him tonight?? When did that happen? Is Steven hallucinating??
I can’t understand a word his brother said. Was that even English??
I’d like to publicly thank Heejun Han for keeping this blog in the realm of humor tonight.
Seriously. Why does Holly have an accent?? It confuses me.
Ryan and Randy Jackson had awkward sexual tension by the way.
Joshua: Apparently, Joshua is on not Jessica.
Is he gonna cry again? I hope not.
A choir??? I can’t even watch this. I don’t know what’s worse, this song or that jacket?
Wow… everyone is a giant fan of this and J Lo is saying religious puns to him.
JOSHUA is 19!?!??! I thought he was like 40. Okay… well at least late 20′s because he acts and dresses like an old man.
Jessica:
BB Chez?? I want to punch this girl in the face. I’m sorry. I’m usually not violent, but holy god she annoys me.
OMG A FAST SONG! Wow. She still annoys me.
Gwen Stefani just said she was a bad dancer.
STOP TALKING ABOUT BB CHEZ! YOU SOUND DEMENTED!
This is just not working.
Do you think she has friends in school? I don’t think so.
BOOM FIYAH!!! Miss that Naiema!
Anyway, P^2 is on the stage and hearing Ryan say “Philip & Elyse” is exactly what our futture is gonna sound like. And Yes Ryan will be a minister by then and officiate. I think that’s what announcement he made on NBC today.
Is P^2 drunk? I sure hope so. I love his awkward body movements when he’s sans a guitar.
Hollie:
WHY DOES SHE HAVE AN ACCENT!?!!? I can’t understand you!
Flashdance? What a mess this is gonna be.
Oh well this is awkward filler.
This is just not good.
WHy does Ryan Seacrest know cheerleading terms?
Colton: He already got a picture.
He paints faces for a living? I thought he was gonna do some awesome animal shit…. he paints solid colors? I can do that crap!
Colton , Colton… how can we bring Jesus into this one? Maybe Jesus does not approve of that hairdo/hair color.
I actually wouldn’t mind if he won this show because than that means he’ll have no hope for a career and we’ll stop hearing about him in like a year. I can agree to that.
What the f**k is J Lo talking about?
I vote for Rex.
Hollie:
She is all about her guns. Jesus. “Wind Beneath My Wings”. Remember that movie Beaches? My mother let me watch that and then I cried for 17 days straight when I was 10. That movie is intense.
Anyway, just the fact that she didn’t sing 9 to 5 I’m gonna high five Skylar because that would make me want to kill somebody. J Lo is crying….. is she auditioning for a movie tonight?
This sounds like a bad high school musical audition, but even with her gun toting self, she’s one of the least annoying people on this show. She’s like a little southern snooki!
OH and by the way, I was right, Gwen Stefani has nothing to do with 80′s music.
No one I want will ever go home, so I’m gonna stop praying. Plus, I guess Jesus has a big weekend coming up so he’s busy party planning.
Let me just say sorry for my lack of writing today… I wasn’t leaving on a Mormon mission trip or anything, so don’t worry.
What was that about? And how did you all keep the fact that my little monchichi was a Mormon this whole time?? Well, good luck little one. God speed or whatever it is you are doing for TWO WHOLE YEARS!!
Anyway, I wasn’t prepping for my Mormon mission trip a la David Archuleta, I was just functioning on little sleep because I forgot what my schedule was actually like. Being back to real life after the universe was playing Jenga with it for the past few weeks put my body in shock and broke my funny bone, if you will. But it apparently didn’t break my awesome metaphors. BOOM!
Sooooo, with that being said, thanks for being patient and pretending to not read any other blogs in front of me. 
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little more beefy because I already got some shiz and giggles planned.
Me and Oscar are back tonight for American Idol Live-ish blog and what the hell is the theme tonight? I hear Steve Nicks is mentoring, so it better not be her music because I don’t know ANY of those songs, and I can’t deal with that for 2 hours.
Whatever the theme is I hope Philip Phillips is shirtless and Heejun Han is shaking his ass.
Ahhhh so close!
Just call me Fleetwood Mac DADDY!
I just jumped into this sad Stevie Nick montag. I’m bored already. I thought the dixie chicks sang this song??
Ch god is Tommy Hilfiger back this week?? Jesus. This guy needs to just stop. I can’t. How much plastic surgery do you think he’s had?
And P^2 totally chose a grey shirt HAH!
Solos and trios?? OH GOD! MAKE THE SHOW 1 HOUR!!
Colton: I didn’t get a picture of Colton. Ohhh shoot! DARN IT!
He’s singing a “worship” song.. OH MY GOD! Is Lifehouse a Jesus band?? I didn’t know that???
Stevie he’s not singing to a girl.. he’s singing to Jesus.
Okay… this is okay. I wont make fun if him for his Jesus song… Easter is soon and I really want Cadbury egg from the bunny so I need to be good.
Steven bled, J Lo was moved, really moves, and Randy Jackson has on Jamaican beads.
TEARS!!!
Skylar:
How ironic that I chose this picture and she’s singing a song about guns!
I don’t think she could have more of an accent and I’m pretty sure every Republican is going to vote for her tonight.
This song is actually about gunpowder & lead?? Wow. I’m such a democrat right now… is this the song Miranda Lambert sings to Chris Brown and then fights with him over it via Twitter?
J Lo confuses me, Steven and Skylar are wearing the same earring, and Randy is confused because he’s a black man.
Trio?? AKA WASTE OF MY TIME!! Elise, Colton, and P^2 and some unknown guy playing the guitar. And I really thought Dixie Chicks sang this song.. them or the Glee cast.
Why are the judges judging this? And why is Steven Tyler talking about himself a la J Lo and Tyra Banks? Dumb.
P^2 is convulsion/dancing and I still wanna kiss him. This must be love.
Heejun:
Of course Heejun doesn’t have a pair and is singing a ballad.
Jimmy just became racist and made fun of his Asian accent. What a jerk. And Tommy Hilfiger clearly dressed Heejun this week, minus the treat hat.
I love Heejun, like so much, but this is boring me.
Steven Tyler doesn’t have the stick up his ass this week and loves Hejeun again. All is right in the world.
WHo is this black man with a neck brace?
Hollie:
And here’s the Brit!
JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!! Oh wait I don’t know what this is but Stevie Nicks is crying. Oh this is the Jesus song.
Is Easter the theme this week?
DeAndre:
I forgot his picture too.
I wasn’t paying attention and he got a standing O.
Jessica:
Oh don’t even try to do Beyonce. BLUE IVY CARTER™ will end you!
She turned Sweet Dreams into a ballad?? OH MY GOD! Only Jessica can make a Beyonce song boring.
OMG THAT RED DOOR MOVE?!??! WHAT?!?! I can’t stop laughing. I can’t even critique that because it’s so ridiculous I feel bad for her.
Annnnnd Ryan Seacrest made it so easy and came out of the red closet.
An unnecessary Michael Jackson melody with unnecessary hats worn ny Joshua and DeAndre but not Heejun. Boy band they are not.
Phillip:
Seduction. Bedroom eyes.
Johnny Lang? Who the hell is that?
Stevie Nicks just called him a Fleetwood Mac Daddy! And is now hitting on him! BACK UP STEVIE!!!
P^2 has a like 19 layers of grey and black on tonight which is disappointing… I bet Stevie Nicks is just as sad as the rest of us.
And P^2 got a big O.
Joshua:
Is anyone shocked that he’s singing Mariah Carey?? Probably not.
Kelly Clarkson did it better and she didn’t make magic/rabbit jokes right before she sang it.
What is with the ridiculous props and costumes tonight? Did Tommy Hilfiger pick that hideous jacket out?
Is he crying too?? I can’t take it with these tears and standing ovations. Give them all oscars.
These trio performances are so bizarre and so are their clothes.
Elise:
Ok… I don’t like this song, so I’m gonna end live-ish blog right now.
I end things really gracefully.
-Rocco
“I Wish Macaroni Head Went Home”- Mamadukes’ Interpretation Of American Idol Last Night
Posted on: March 23, 2012
And Heejun agrees. (about the hair, I mean)
Apparently, my mother is a massive Erika Van Pelt fan. She loved her singing and her new hair cut. She called me in a rage when this happened.
She got voted off.
I for one was eating Asian noodles for an hour in a panic thinking Heejun Han was going to get the boot, but then I forgot that he’s AWESOME, and sings in an Asian accent, and dances like nobody’s watching, and does it all for the kids…. and God??
Let’s just relive the awesome-ness once more.
Whew! I’m just glad the bromance between Philip Phillips and Heejun can last for another 7 days.
-Rocco
American Idol Live-ish Blog: So, Billy Joel Is Even More Boring When These People Are Singing His Songs
Posted on: March 21, 2012
Billy Joel looks like a corpse.
Anyway, whoever is left on this show is singing Billy Joel tonight, so I’m already bored.
*muffled* I HATE BILLY JOEL!
Oscar is not a fan of this either.
But with that being said Heejun is tweeting about God again and saying that he is ready to have fun and shock us all:
If Billy Joel has a fast song.. I’m gonna need Heejun to sing and dance.
And I’m gonna need Phillip Phillips to be sans a shirt.
Oh P.Diddy is guest mentoring so this isn’t awkward at all as J Lo and him used to bang.
Let’s go:
Oh of course my live stream isn’t working.
My friend just told me “the kid that looks like a lion is singing” and Steven Tyler “looks Beetlejuice.”
I’m assuming it’s DeAndre
That’s a bad picture to depict the lion-ness of him but you know what he looks like.
I still can’t find a live stream.. I should probably just find a job that allows me to afford cable. There’s an idea!
DeAndre does look like a lion… And Steven does look like Beetlejuice.
Erika Van Pelt:
She just said she likes Boston. Oh God!
Tommy Hilfiger made her cut her hair….. she looks like a completely different person. This isn’t America’s Next Top Model.
I like her blazer.
I honestly can not tell you that I listened to what this woman is singing because I’m writing a mean letter to Tommy Hilfiger for making her cut her hair.
Oh good Randy Jackson approves of the butch hair cut. Maybe Tommy Hilfiger should shave his soul patch with his sparkly little broach.
She looks like freakin’ Kris Jenner. What did she even sing??
Joshua:
I’m sad Tommy didn’t turn Joshua into Fantasia.
He’s a black, possibly gay man… BE FABULOUS!
He’s singing a song he never heard before… so this should go over well.
His jacket is too tight. He can’t move his body. (I’m so distracted by the fashion this week)
Oh snap! He’s got the choir descending the stairs and he’s screeching into the mic.
Hearing J Lo critique someone’s singing is absolutely ridiculous. The last time she performed she lip synched while sitting in a Fiat. Just saying.
Skylar:
She stole the flower from Steven Tyler’s mic for this picture. True story.
Why does this little white chick love P Diddy?? That is awesome. And what’s even more awesome is P Diddy doesn’t like the way she sings. AWKWARD! He loves her now.
Skylar is BOOT CRAZY! SHE’S BOOT CRAZY Y’ALL!!
I’m really confused. If Tommy Hilfiger is styling all of them.. why do they all look like they went shopping at Charlotte Russe??
Who’s the cute keyboard guy?? I like him.
I’m bored.
Elise:
I’m glad that other blonde old woman now looks like Kris Jenner becuase now I can tell her apart from Elise, the other old blonde woman.
Elise has been in the bottom 3, so she’ll probably go home tomorrow.
“Vienna”… I’ve never heard of it? And neither has Jimmy Iovine.
I think P Diddy just told her to open her legs… J Lo is gonna hate this bitch.
And now Tommy doesn’t want her to hid her body… this is getting sexual.
She wanted bell bottoms so bad… she didn’t wear them.She wore a pretty dress instead.
My actual critique of Elise is she’s great, but she isn’t current, but this might just have to do with them singing BILLY JOEL WHO IS OUT DATED!!!
Plus, she’s screaming. Just go home already. And change your first name.
Orrrr all the judges could have a boner over this and love her??? Hmm whatever. She should’ve worn bell bottoms.
Way to kill time. Jesus Idol, get the girls crying and the man praying to Jesus away from the camera. Let’s get on with the show.
Phillip Phillips:
GODDAMN IT! He’s wearing clothes. What kind of fashion guy is Tommy Hilfiger anyway?
There’s a kind of naked P Squared because Tommy Hilfiger sucks.
He worked in a Pawn Shop?? God that’s hot and really red neck all at the same time.
Tommy straight up disses P^2. What an asshole.Tommy Hilfiger your face is drab and dull.
Tommy calls him ugly and P Diddy is taking away his guitar… THIS IS ANARCHY!!
You guys… I just really want to kiss him on his mouth. I don’t mean to be crude, but this kid is freakin’ adorable.
Oh and he’s wearing grey so suck it Tommy!
He’s got some swag, right??? Heart. Heart. Heart.
P^2 should just take off his clothes… I mean, that’s why the girls are screaming.
Hollie:
I don’t know who this is.
And she’s wearing a sparkly tube top. TOMMY HILFIGER IS OBVIOUSLY ON DRUGS!
Why does it sound like she has an Australian accent? Does she or did I just eat way too many skittles and I’m tweaking?
By the way, Tommy… she stills looks 37 years old. She’s a 37 year old going to Atlantic City now.
This is awful. She’s like a poor man’s Christina Aguilera.
Heejun:
A tux and a treat hat?!??! STOP IT!! Heej. I love you. So much.
Side note: Haley Reinharts eyes got really close. #closeseteyes.
I want a Heejun shirt. HOW DO I GET THAT?!?!?
WOw… Heejun and P Diddy hugged an intense hug and called him a con man, That’s perfect.
HEEJUN IS SO FREAKIN’ FUNNY! I CAN NOT TAKE IT! Are you guys not cracking up? Because I’m sitting alone in my bedroom laughing out loud.
And I thought he really messed up… this is great. This is so great.
He just made me believe in Heaven and other things people question in life.
Jessica:
I don’t like Jessica Sanchez. She annoys the hell out of me.
She’s a great singer yes… but she’s boring.
Shocking another ballad. I’m not even going to watch this. I’d rather watch that little emo Colton sing two songs.
Colton:
Colton is gonna sing Piano Man because he’s obsessed with his piano, isn’t he?? That’s lame
Colton is very vain. This is bizarre.
“My hair’s my baby” *BIG FAT EYE ROLL*… I wanna slap that highlight out of his hair..
I want to like this kid, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. He’s just a little too pretentious for me.
That was dumb.
J Lo needs to stop trying to make “goosies” a word and she needs to stop fumbling over P. Diddy’s name when she remembers she used to sleep with him.
Whew! Thank god that’s over.
YOU GUYS… the most important thing we learned tonight was
1) Tommy Hilfiger is a God awful designer.
2) P^2 is sexy and has swag and needs to keep wearing grey.
3) Heejun Han is the greatest thing to be on this show. And on this planet.
4) AND J LO AND P DIDDY HAD SEX AND ALMOST GOT SHOT IN A NIGHT CLUB AND THAT’S WHY THEY BROKE UP AND J LO HAD TO STARE AT HIS FACE FOR 2 HOURS ON THAT SCREEN!
Never forget:
-Rocco
American Idol Live-ish Blog: It’s Like An Episode Of Cops With Some Kids Singing Songs From Mostly The 90′s
Posted on: March 14, 2012
I really need to find a way to make my title for American Idol live-ish blog more concise and compact.
YES, YOU DO!!
Oscar is freakin’ out. He’s pretending he’s Jermaine Jones tonight…. a non-gentle giant.
As many of you know, that psycho giant is getting kicked off of Idol because many people in America want to arrest him, and not just for his shitty singing. I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE THE VIDEO OF THAT CONFRONTATION!
Jermaine: What do you mean I'm going home?/ Ryan: Please don't hurt me.
Also, these crazy kids are all singing songs from the year of their birth so that means it’s basically 90′s night, which couldn’t be more perfect for me because all these songs are going to be disastrous. CAN NOT WAIT!
Let’s get into it….
Oh and Mamadukes is accompanying me, so hopefully she’s in a funny mood tonight, because if not, she’s just gonna flip back and forth from Modern Family.
Ryan Seacrest right off the bat gets all serious with a smoke machine and dim lighting, but he still says “this is american idol” like a fool.
J Lo looks like a tangerine in that dress, Randy Jackson has another demented broach on his lapel (possibly another child with a mustache?) and Steven Tyler looks like… Steven Tyler.
I can’t wait to see Heejun Han’s baby photo. CAN NOT WAIT!
Mamadukes: Steven Tyler looks normal and Ryan Seacrest is pudgy.
Phillip:
OMG P^2 ALMOST DIED AS A CHILD?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!? *sob*
Phillip^2 meets Will.I.Am and tells them he’s having surgery and dying. I love P^2 so much.
I just want to kiss him and/or his kidney’s.
Mamadukes doesn’t think P^2 is cute and she doesn’t like his name. “He’s alright”. My mother clearly doesn’t have good taste in men. (no offense Big D)
Randy loves him and his post surgery ways, J Lo thinks she’s a doctor, and Steven Tyler has a giant Jesus hanging from his neck.
Jessica Sanchez:
Mamadukes likes her. Me and Mamadukes are gonna fight it out tonight.
She calls herself Diva. I just don’t like this girl. She annoys me. I can’t even watch this. She just annoys me. And I don’t know what’s worse, the song choice or the choice of those pants.
Steven Tyler wants her pants and wishes she would only sing ballads, J Lo just wants her to sing ballads and be boring, Randy loves boring ballads too.
Let’s vote Jessica off because I can’t deal with her singing ballads every week.
Heejun:
His mom doesn’t speak English. Neither does his father. This is adorable.
Heejun continues on with the boring theme with “Right Here Waiting”.
Heej just wanted Fergie’s number this entire time. Playa knows how to play.
He has gel in his hair, no lenses in his glasses and he’s singing this to Phillip^2.
Randy hates him, who cares what J Lo says, and Steven is talking about circles and breath.
Elise:
She was not born in 1983… she looks 47.
OBAMA! LOVE OBAMA! Obama is better than this. Let’s watch that video.
Steven’s Aunt Sonya loves her voice, J Lo’s lips are too pink, Randy says a few slogans.
Deandre:
Mamadukes seriously hates Deandre. Like so much.
OMG Deandre was a little fruitcake. Adorable.
I refuse to believe someone told his parent he will be on American Idol. That didn’t happen. Totally did not happen.
He looks like Kenny G and he can’t whip his hair to this song. This performance is dead to me.
Mamadukes is rolling her eyes and saying his hair looks like macaroni …. she is not a fan.
J Lo is rambling, Steven says the same thing and is wearing the same thing as Deandre, and Randy thinks he’s boring.
Shannon:
Holy product placement batman!
She chose “One Sweet Day” over “Don’t Speak” . Dumb.com right there.
I didn’t pay attention to any of this.
Okay… Live-ish blog is ending because I wanna watch Modern Family with Mamadukes.
I’m sure I won’t miss much…. I can youtube that giants arrest tomorrow.
-Rocco
