Posts Tagged ‘Dina Lohan’
Shocker! Dina Lohan Is A Shitty Mom And Lindsay Lohan Is Screwed Up Because Of That
Posted on: October 11, 2012
I’m sorry I’m a bad mom- Dina/ It’s okay– I’m high all the time. I don’t notice- Lindsay
Basically, Lindsay Lohan and her mom, Dina, were partying together (because that’s what you do with your daughter who is a drug addict/alcoholic) and it turned into a big ‘ol fight at their Long Island home and the police had to be called.
Long story short, Dina Lohan shanked Lindsay Lohan in the limo on their way home and tried to kidnap her. They were probably fighting over the last ball of crack. (Does crack come in balls? This I do not know because Dina isn’t my mother).
Lindsay then proceeded to call her Dad (who is probably even less stable than her mother) and tell him Dina was on cocaine, because she was touching her neck a lot.
You seriously, can’t make this shit up! If you want to feel better about your life listen to the audio tape that Michael Lohan obviously sold to TMZ because he’s a great dad.
Click HERE to listen the soundtrack of dysfunction.
-Rocco
Because she did such a FABULOUS job raising her own daughter. I mean, Lindsay Lohan is doing really well you guys.
What’s in that bottle? Milk? OH NO! You are doing it all wrong— you need to mix the milk with a shot of vodka.
Journalists know exactly what to ask because they are professional so they definitely asked Dina Lohan her best advice for Amanda Bynes’ mom because Amanda Bynes is in a spiral downward to death.
“Asked for general advice for [Amanda Bynes'] parents since she’s been through similar situations, Dina replies, “Just be around. … It’s hard when your daughter’s not, you know, over 18, and you want to let them go … and they want to, you know, feel like they’re in control of themselves. So it’s a very strategic place for a parent to be, but she’ll be ok.”
Just be around??! That’s her advice. Her daughter loses her mind in spin class and locks herself in the bathrooms of cupcake shops (more on that) and that is what Dina Lohan tells her to do.
Plus, that’s pretty shitty advice because Dina really hasn’t been there for Lindsay– I mean, I still can’t get over the fact that she hit a baby stroller with her car. Where was Dina then?!?!
-Rocco
I thought Lindsay Lohan was delusional and crazy, but my god—- the fruit clearly doesn’t fall far from the tree because Dina Lohan is BAT SHIT INSANE!
I mean, she was drunk during that interview, right? Poor Dr. Phil had to interview this nut job because Oprah was off being fabulous in Barbados making me hate Rihanna more.
Oh and side note— I’m pretty sure hitting babies with your car and stealing shit while high on drugs isn’t considered “obsolete” in New York, so Dina Lohan needs to check the laws.
-Rocco
Lindsay Lohan was in court the other day, and after you California tax payers basically paid for a judge to sit there and tell her how excited they are to see her on SNL next month, Lindsay catwalked out of there in a mint green dress and then went and got drunk with her Mother, who surprisingly hasn’t had her underage children taken away from her.
True story.
It took LIndsay less than 24 hours to go out and party, so her playing Elizabeth Taylor in the made for TV movie is going to go over real well. I mean, Elizabeth Taylor probably loved cocaine. Right??
Or she could be playing a two-time divorcee who spends all her time in Atlantic City because she certainly looks the part.
-Rocco
This is the Lohan’s christmas photo. (Don’t ask me why it’s on the internet, but I’m pretty sure Dina Lohan sent this to TMZ)
1) Ali Lohan is looking more and more like Lindsay’s ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson in drag. Or (here’s another funny one) Ali Lohan’s face has been sucked off by a dementor’s kiss.
2) Dina Lohan is probably drunk and writing a tell all book on her iPhone.
3) I have no idea who that boy in the green is.
4) Lindsay. Really? She looks like a mob wife from that offensive VH1 show.
5) Who is the red-head kid??
-Rocco
Yes, Ali Lohan… We Do Believe Your Mom Would Sign Off On Her 17 Year Old Getting Plastic Surgey
Posted on: November 30, 2011
The faith she has in her mother is unnerving to me. Does Ali Lohan not know Lindsay is her sister?? Does she not know Lindsay Lohan is a complete mess??
All the plastic surgery is messing with her brain. Or it’s that infamous delusion daiquiri that I need to get my hands on.
The fact that Ali Lohan looks like Lindsay’s ex woman lover Samantha Ronson in that photo is not the most disturbing part about this whole thing. It’s this!
On rumors she’s had plastic surgery: “I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I’m 17 years old. That’s not legal! I would need my mother’s signature, and do you think my mom would sign off on that? No! It’s not the right thing to do. It’s stupid. I don’t listen to it. It’s absolutely not true.”
YES! WE DO THINK THAT!!!
That’s the jaw line of a growing girl. Duh.
-Rocco
So, Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina, is bat shit crazy and her dad, Michael, thinks he’s Spiderman. Things are looking up for Lindsay and her sister, Ali.
Michael Lohan was arrested earlier in the week for domestic violence or something like that, and then he was released on bail, but then he got arrested for continuing to harass his girlfriend. Ya got it?
1) Who would date this man??
2) Michael Lohan tried to escape his second arrest by jumping out a window all while totally wastey faced and probably on some other drug:
“I saw a subject on the second floor hiding behind a pillar,” the police report states. “I yelled the def’s name and told him to come down and talk. This def tried concealing himself a little more but decided to run up a stairwell as we approached him.
“As we went out to the balcony to look around, we saw the def fall from a 3rd floor balcony next to the one we were standing on. The def apparently leaped up from his balcony and grabbed a hold of the roof. He then must have scurried across the roof (about 30 feet) until he thought he was hanging over top of the next balcony. The def then let go but missed this balcony.
“He came crashing down on top of wooden high chairs that were laying on the ground. This fall was 34 feet (measured with laser). The def then hid in some trees directly below where he was apprehended.”
This is clearly how Lindsay Lohan is going to escape her court hearing, which is awesome.
-Rocco
And that’s coming from her mother, Dina Lohan. She’s such a good mother.
Lindsay Lohan was offered to do a shoot for Playboy for $750,000 and of course she did it already because chick needs money for her necessities. And by necessities, I’m going to assume they are illegal necessities.
So many great things about this:
1) Her mom is all about this and actually talking about it to the press.
2) Lindsay brought her sister, Ali, to the shoot because that’s a great place for your younger sister.
3) Lindsay Lohan once said in an interview: “I’m not going to do a nude scene. Then there’s no mystery for my private life. I think there’s other things you can do to show people you have talent.” <—– HAHAHHAHAH!
Where do I sign this check?? I need to cash it ASAP!
Oh and Lindsay is also upset that the LA Court System is singling her out:
Lindsay was outraged when Baca said he had room in the jail for her, and that she would benefit from substance abuse counseling if placed behind bars. Baca doesn’t know her, and he certainly isn’t a lawyer. Lindsay was just at a loss for words that the sheriff would single her out,” an insider close to the situation tells us.
HOW DARE THE JUDGE SINGLE HER OUT?!?!? Why can’t anyone understand she needs to be in Europe and lots of cocaine??
-Rocco
So, remember yesterday when Lindsay Lohan looked like she chewed her way out of a crack den buried in meth mud??
Well, because of that, of course the media went bananas and asked for a comment from Lindsay’s publicist. Lindsay is supposed to be doing community service, going to counseling, and not being a hot mess… but it looks as if she can’t even brush the drug den out of her mouth, so clearly some explanation was wanted be the press.
Which brings us TO THE BEST COMMENT EVER!
“Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers.
She’s been on the cover of Vanity Fair and the top beauty and fashion magazines. She’s a beautiful and glamorous actress.
With everything going on – from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest – there is no way I’m going to comment on Lindsay’s teeth.”
WHAT THE F**K?!?! I was living in a foggy haze of sleepy this morning until I read that fairy tale above. I was going to highlight the best parts but all of it is gold. She’s acknowledged as a stunning actress of her day?? FROM WHO?? The Crypt Keeper??
She’s a beautiful and glamorous actress? I can’t breathe from the hilarity of that.
Lindsay Lohan’s rep must be her mother.
Seriously. At least say “no comment”. Is it really necessary to go into detail of how your client is a goddess, when she’s the exact opposite of a goddess??
And because her publicist is just as much of an idiot… my meth theory holds on strong. Allegedly.
-Rocco
I kinda forgot that Liv Tyler had a mom because Steven Tyler looks so much like a woman, I just ignorantly assumed it was an asexual kind of conception. I don’t know… sometimes my imagination runs away with the logic of science.
Anyway, Bebe Buell not only has a bad ass name, but she hates the Lohans, especially Dina Lohan.
Badass Bebe had no qualms in a recent interview telling Dina Lohan she sucks as a mom and she should beat Lindsay Lohan.
“Dina Lohan’s relationship with her daughter Lindsay disturbs me. I don’t see a mother and a daughter there. I look at Lindsay and I see my own child in her because there’s a great talent there.
But if my baby girl got that screwed up I would NOT allow to make her own decisions. I’m sorry! Anybody can think what they want. But I would abduct my child and I would make sure that I didn’t leave her side until she didn’t have those problems anymore.
What her mother has done with Lindsay is morally wrong and disgusting. She should back off. Lindsay is the one with the talent. She’s the star. But she also has to be responsible for her own actions.”
“If Lindsay spent a year with me I could turn her around. I could have her winning her first Oscar in two years!”
*sniff sniff* Is that fresh ink on adoption papers I smell??
I also smell Bravo producers crapping themselves over the awesome reality show this could be.
I wonder what Steven Tyler would do if Lindsay Lohan was his daughter???
Probably scream….
And then make this face….
And then share the drugs and make this face…..
Alright. That has nothing to do with anything. I just miss Steven Tyler a little bit.
-Rocco
