Posts Tagged ‘family’
And she says it’s because her family is large enough with cousins and Suri has enough robot friends that Xanu created to last her a lifetime, but I honestly think it’s just because Katie is becoming immune to the drugs that Tom Cruise has her take while conception is occurring, to hold her down ya know??
Is that presumptuous of me??? Maybe. But I read in between the lines.
On not feeling pressured to give daughter Suri a sibling: “We already have a very big family; a full household with cousins who are over a lot, and she has her friends. My biggest thing is making sure she’s fully taken care of and doing well.”
See what I mean?? I find it super hard to believe that Suri Cruise plays in the sandbox with little Danny Boy from next door who hits her in the head with a shovel and eats the sand simultaneously. Suri Cruise is way to awesome and robotic for that pre-school crap.
I’m gonna go ahead and promote my drug theory some more.
What a jerk! He just won’t shut up about his new baby girl and the woman who gave birth to said baby. He needs to get his priorities back in check. He didn’t once mention Joey Potter or Pacey Witter. That Dawson is so selfish.
On how being a father has affected his career: “It’s changed the trajectory of my life. I feel like before my daughter, my priorities were arranged like a stormy sea—spread out everywhere; different ones popping up at random. And I was just floating along in the middle of it all. The minute my daughter arrived, everything instantly got rearranged like a pyramid, with my daughter and wife at the top, and everything else existing to support that.”
On life outside of Hollywood: “My wife and daughter get first priority, and then I’ve also got some great friends who I still try to meet up with as often as I can.”
See what I mean?? Every other word is about the damn kid. Geeez.
He totally resembles Mitch Leery. Just saying.
Don’t drive and eat ice cream kids.
I thought this was going to be way more dramatic and for reason I envisioned fireworks and a very extraordinary movie score in the background…. but it’s the least anti-climatic thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I had a dream last night (that involved Katy Perry somehow….. I was judging her in a singing competition in the middle of a food market. Swear to Oprah that was my dream) and at the end of the dream when I did what I just did to the Revolution… it deleted everything. I cried in the dream.
Thankfully it was just a dream.
What I did to the Revolution you ask???
1) I bought the domain. I’m not really sure what that means, but I think I now own the official rights to it. So any one who wants to kill me and steal it can not. Or I guess they can?? But now they have to steal my whole identity and if you can do that…. then I’m impressed. Take my identity. You may do cooler things with it than I ever would. Take it and run.
2) I also added ads. Is that annoying to you all?? If it is let me know and hopefully we can figure something out that we can all live in harmony with. Or if it just doesn’t function properly let me know, and I’ll fix it ASAP. This is your Revolution to. If I could call it The People’s Revolution, I would but I’m afraid that crazy bitch, Kelly Cutrone, will murder me or sue me. We don’t need that… too much drama. (Though, I’ve always wanted to be on Bravo)
Even though it was super un-dramatic, it’s still super exciting to me. I feel like a superhero. I was planning to do this on The Revolution’s 1 year anniversary, but the Rev is a gifted child and at 8 months its thriving. Maybe The Revolution is a savant?
And THANKS TO YOU ALL!!!
I love award shows and every time I watch them I think “who would I thank??”. Well here is the answer to that question: (just humor me and read this)
I’d like to shout a big ups to Oprah. You go girl. Thanks for having my back and not being a jerk to me the majority of the time. I appreciate it. Can I pee in Harpo studios just once?? PLEASE!
Mamadukes, Big D, Meggy, Jennifer, Apple Jax and the other guidos I know in my extended family. Thanks for being so ridiculous and raising me to have a sense of humor. I blame everything on you. This is all your fault.
To my friends… all of you…. pretty much the same thing as above. You are all out of your mind and super talented. I can’t believe some of you actually like me. Why are we friends again??
I’d also like to thank the Backstreet Boys, Leonardo DiCaprio, Simon Cowell, Ryan Seacrest’s highlights, Justin Bieber’s swoop and his new haircut, Taylor Swift, all my English professors, Webster’s thesaurus, my iPod, my Mac, the Disney Channel, Food Network, Bravo TV, the History Channel, any Real Housewives cast, Jersey Shore (Pauly D), Abe Lincoln, Dancing Baby, Oscar, BBMak, O-Town, any boy band ever in existence, Rolling Stone Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine (or as my parents call it, my slut magazine), white wine, tequila, carbohydrates, Red Bull, Paul McDonald’s teeth, American Idol, Selena Y Los Dinos, other bloggers who are way funnier than me, James Dean, the cast of Pretty Little Liars, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Mrs. Doubtfire, Titanic, Chelsea Handler, Jon & Kate Gosselin, Kathy Griffin, the color grey, pink, orange, and periwinkle, horror movies, Jack Dawson and the heart of the ocean, Lee DeWyze (and his hair), Ben Franklin, the song “Earth Stood Still”, the song “Love Story”, pop music in general, VH1, MTV, award shows, countdowns at the end of the year, kiwis, pineapple ice pops, green apples, pop culture and last but not least…. my brain.
The best way I can describe it is through a Taylor Swift song. Obv.
I’m gonna give us all a thumbs up from the man and his people who really started this all…
You know who also hates TMZ???? Big D.
This conversation happened as I was parking it at my parent’s house watching TMZ.
Big D: Wattcha watchin’ kid on my LSD TV?
Rocco: First off, it’s LCD TV… are you on LSD? And it’s TMZ.
Big D: What lettas did ya just say??
Rocco: T M Z. I don’t know what it stands for so please don’t ask.
Big D: What’s this?? Who’s that??? What’s that guy drinkin?? Whatta jerk.
Rocco: You are not allowed to sit here with me if you are going to ask a million questions.
Big D: Ya banana!! It’s my TV, I can ask whateva I want.
Rocco: Okay. *thumbs up*
Big D: Why are ya watchin’ this crap?? Put on the military channel or home box office.
Rocco: Research. And please God don’t tell me you call HBO, home box office.
Big D: Research my ass! *gets up and leaves*
*comes back in* Dinner’s in 5. Stop watching this crap and come eat a meal with me and ya Motha.
Ohhhh snippy D Man… I like it.
I’m a teensy bit attracted to him in this clip and I think it’s just because he’s about 7 seconds away from swinging his guitar case into the camera lens.
What a BAMF!
So Oprah has a new sister and Gayle King got kicked out of the bottom bunk.
Oprah was on Gayle King’s radio show being interviewed by Gayle, so basically they were having girl talk and it was broadcasted live on air, and Oprah is all about her new baby sis.
“Having been burned a lot of times in other relationships, I’m the kind of person that would like to take it slow, build a relationship upon mutual respect and understanding”.
“I am open to having a sisterly relationship”
Though Gayle sounded nothing but polite on the air… she is annoyed and feels betrayed. I’m guessing.
That’s how I’d feel. Some chick can’t just step in and take your best friend from you, blood relative or not.
I need video of this STAT!
James Franco has a brother.
The brother’s name is Dave.
I hope he isn’t as weird as James Franco.
He probably is though because they do share DNA. And the Franco Grandma is also a little ball of fire. Old fire… but still fire.
<div style=”text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:512px;”><a href=”http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/00d8bf6a82/christmas-greetings-from-the-franco-s” title=”from James Franco”>Christmas Greetings From the Franco’s</a> from <a href=”http://www.funnyordie.com/james_franco”>James Franco</a></div>
(just ignore the ghetto cross out… aren’t you impressed with my skills???)
I’m not really sure what this Dave man does… I’m assuming he’s model because no real man wears a yellow shirt that bright with stripes like that.
I just can’t believe some people can have two famous people in their family… my family doesn’t even have half a famous person. Seriously… there are no famous midgets in Rocco’s clan.
I thought we were going to find out Oprah has a set of sextuplets… or she has a twin! That would have been so awesome… I wonder if Oprah 2 would have been as powerful as Oprah 1???
Sadly, she just has a half-sister she didn’t know about.
I mean I guess that’s kinda cool… but welcome to America. We all have long-lost brothers and sisters….
And plus, in the eyes of Oprah… we are all brothers and sisters.
What is really shocking (and obnoxious) is the sister’s name is Bunny. So, she is either a stripper or a clown in the circus. Either one. Maybe she is a stripper that dresses like a clown?? We’ll have to wait until this afternoon to uncover all this.
I still kinda wanna see this. Oprah’s going to cry. I love when she cries. It makes me cry.
When Oprah cries are sins are washed away. That’s what I heard. I don’t know if that’s true.
I go away for 12 hours to celebrate the fact that a child has been alive for 1 year (BTW I got their late and missed the first time the kid ate cake… AKA the best part of a 1st birthday party. I’m just gonna have to have a kid, so I can see that happen) and I come back to pure chaos.
Alex Lambert, mullet kid, needs to stop doing drugs and/or cancel his twitter account. This is like a scripted MTV reality series up in this joint.
“19 entertainment put me on a retainer?? I just got back on the internet from like a week ago and I’m reading that everywhere! When Do I get this retainer? I don’t know where anyone got that from??? These guys have been telling the media they been payin me! Makin me look like im lyin! It’s a shame dude! They got the wrong Lambert I guess? That’s all I can think of??”
So, that’s what Alex Lambert was going on and on about as he sat on Twitter whilst twirling his mullet. I assume that’s what he does… I don’t have proof of this, but it seems pretty logical.
Apparently, he’s still homeless and has no money. Glad he could hop in Starbucks long enough to tweet this.
But, my favorite part is when the coolest dude on the planet, Andrew Garcia, got into this mess:
bro immma come to Hollywood next Monday! Imma hot you up and let you know that ou don’t need no fuckin label! Trust our fans ate our family! I got your back and so do they! Live you bro!
First off… I had to read this a few times to decode this. He needs to revisit Mavis Beacon and work on his home row keys (ahhh ps… ESS just came on my iPod.. and my day got better).
“Imma hot you up” : I don’t what that means, but it sounds painful.
“trust our fans ate our family” : Don’t trust your fans if they ATE your family. That’s awful. I would never do that!
“live you bro” : That “i” and “o” key messes everyone up. Spell check my friends, spell check. Whoever invented the keyboard should have thought of drunk typing. Live/love get mixed up too much.
This is some serious business happening. Andrew G. now has to go to Hollywood, to get Mullet, in order to save his fans from eating his family, because that already happened to him. It’s a mess.
They should probably make music together. That would actually be a brilliant idea.
I just want it to be known that it was my idea and the three of us (Andrew G., mullet and me) go splitsies on the profit. 45-45-10. I don’t even need that much.
(just pretend Lee D. isn’t in that picture because he’s the only one who isn’t homeless and/or on drugs and/or has had his family eaten.)
Some people shouldn’t have Twitter.
That is all.
I almost thought this was an actual woman.
I’m still avoiding socializing with my family apparently.