Posts Tagged ‘homeless’
It astounds me how homeless he looks sometimes. He could very well be the man who sleeps outside the Bodega on the corner of my block every other Tuesday for all I know. And if that’s the case, I’m gonna be pissed because Shia’s going to hate me because I never give him any money. I don’t even give him a bite of my chipwich.
Would a trim kill him???
I’m all for Shia LaBeouf. I even took the time a few years ago to watch every episode of Even Stevens and learn how to spell his last name. The least he can do for me is shower and not look like a freakin’ homeless man dancing in the street.
At least get a haircut.
I was in theater in high school, I’m sure I can be an extra on Broadway.
Seriously. If this gem of a woman comes to NYC, I’m stalking her. Straight up stalking her. I’m going to hang outside that theater like it’s my job. I might even quit my job and become a theater junkie. There is nothing I’d love more than to never brush my hair, where boy clothes and sit on the stoop of a theater, just waiting for that beacon of light that is Oprah to trip over my shoeless feet.
“I have a stack of plays in my bag right now that I am reading. And just this past weekend, I was in New York meeting with producers. We were just talking about what would be the best route to take. But yes, this is really going to happen. … Life is too short. I think that an ensemble production is the way I should go.
I had always wanted to do Fences. I went through the idea of trying to take my show to New York, shoot a show during the daytime and appear on Broadway at night. But I couldn’t do it. And finally, Kenny said he couldn’t wait any longer.”
I don’t know who the f**k Kenny is, but listen to the man, Oprah! COME TO NYC!
You can totally stay at my place if lodging is an issue. Just ask Devy Wevy Bevy…. we set up a great little spot right beside my bed; complete with a cushion about 1 inch thick and I will even give you the pillow that I don’t drool on. The W Hotel can suck it.
Just think about. You don’t have to make a decision right now.
Maroon 5 released their music video for “Never Gonna Leave This Bed” and you can click that picture below to see it.
I have two complaints about this video:
1) Never put your real life girlfriend in the video Adam Levine. That’s just asking for a bad break up, and then a weekend of binge drinking while watching the video on repeat.
2) You need to shave. You’re beard makes me itch. It looks scratchy. And kind of like a homeless man. An attractive homeless man though.
The song’s okay. I’m a little over Maroon 5 lately. And that’s sad. I used to dig them.
Last night I had the most awesome opportunity to go review a Sara Bareilles concert for iheartradio.
And yes, I don’t just make up stories about Lee D…. I review concerts as an extra job. Think like lady of the night, except I’m not a whore and make A LOT less money… but the important thing is, it’s just as fun!
Anyway, I review these shows for Culturemob and iheartradio and I’ve been to a bunch of these shows. (including the Lee D. NYC concert back in November<— I just read that back… I’m an idiot. I could have laid the hat on him right then and there. But the hat of all freakin’ hats was not born yet… it wasn’t even a sparkle in my eye. And I did not have the emotional attachment to ESS then, like I do now. Weird.)
Back to Sara Bareilles….it was, hands down, the best concert I’ve ever seen. I haven’t gotten really excited over a concert like this in a long time. I couldn’t wait to get home and get all my thoughts and emotions down on paper… or the screen… whatever.
She was so charming and witty and down to earth as she interacted with the audience, it was captivating to watch. I can’t stop talking about her and the show. I’ve always liked her albums, but seeing her live is just a whole other experience.
Look! I’m gushing again…I can’t stop. I’m pretty sure I was talking to a homeless man outside of Starbucks this morning about her. It was weird; all he wanted was $1 and I was talking about how I wish I was best friends with Sara Bareilles.
You can read all about it HERE. There are some cool pictures and a cute little video too.
And after you do that or before (whichever order you feel like.. this isn’t a dictatorship) watch this video of Sara Bareilles performing “Single Ladies”. It’s brilliant.
I go away for 12 hours to celebrate the fact that a child has been alive for 1 year (BTW I got their late and missed the first time the kid ate cake… AKA the best part of a 1st birthday party. I’m just gonna have to have a kid, so I can see that happen) and I come back to pure chaos.
Alex Lambert, mullet kid, needs to stop doing drugs and/or cancel his twitter account. This is like a scripted MTV reality series up in this joint.
“19 entertainment put me on a retainer?? I just got back on the internet from like a week ago and I’m reading that everywhere! When Do I get this retainer? I don’t know where anyone got that from??? These guys have been telling the media they been payin me! Makin me look like im lyin! It’s a shame dude! They got the wrong Lambert I guess? That’s all I can think of??”
So, that’s what Alex Lambert was going on and on about as he sat on Twitter whilst twirling his mullet. I assume that’s what he does… I don’t have proof of this, but it seems pretty logical.
Apparently, he’s still homeless and has no money. Glad he could hop in Starbucks long enough to tweet this.
But, my favorite part is when the coolest dude on the planet, Andrew Garcia, got into this mess:
bro immma come to Hollywood next Monday! Imma hot you up and let you know that ou don’t need no fuckin label! Trust our fans ate our family! I got your back and so do they! Live you bro!
First off… I had to read this a few times to decode this. He needs to revisit Mavis Beacon and work on his home row keys (ahhh ps… ESS just came on my iPod.. and my day got better).
“Imma hot you up” : I don’t what that means, but it sounds painful.
“trust our fans ate our family” : Don’t trust your fans if they ATE your family. That’s awful. I would never do that!
“live you bro” : That “i” and “o” key messes everyone up. Spell check my friends, spell check. Whoever invented the keyboard should have thought of drunk typing. Live/love get mixed up too much.
This is some serious business happening. Andrew G. now has to go to Hollywood, to get Mullet, in order to save his fans from eating his family, because that already happened to him. It’s a mess.
They should probably make music together. That would actually be a brilliant idea.
I just want it to be known that it was my idea and the three of us (Andrew G., mullet and me) go splitsies on the profit. 45-45-10. I don’t even need that much.
(just pretend Lee D. isn’t in that picture because he’s the only one who isn’t homeless and/or on drugs and/or has had his family eaten.)
Some people shouldn’t have Twitter.
What is happening???
I woke up, and Twitter was all a twitter (I love saying that) because Alex Lambert, my favorite mullet on this planet, says he’s homeless. Or is homeless… I don’t know why you would lie about it.
(wow… he’s adorable)
I immediately thought of Adam Lambert (because I get them mixed up sometimes) and I thought “Is he now homeless because he spent a lot of money on that Oprah-awful weave???” I was worried and felt bad for making fun of his hair.
But then I realized, I’m silly and mixing up my Lamberts.
Once I got to the correct Lambert and checkity checked out Twitter… this is what I read: (Oh and feel free to marvel at my awesome screen caps)
2) Why can’t he go back to Texas, have a bed, and do music there for a bit?? I mean I get it… Texas may not be a grand time, but you’ll have a home.
3) He doesn’t have any friends he can crash with? You lived with a bunch of people in that house. Miley Cyrus’ ex, that looked like Gaston, can’t let you crash on his couch?? Your friends suck dude. While finding a home, I’d look for some new friends.
DED-I-CA-TION! I can’t even dedicate myself into typing out the long and emphasized version of “dedication” correctly. Glad there is free WiFi wherever he is though… because I’m sure he wouldn’t be able to afford the internet charge. I’m still disturbed about his awful friends… I’m going to call my friends after this and ask them the hypothetical “if I was poor….” question.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? Is he in a gang to make money??? Does he turn tricks?? Why would you say this all on the internet??
I wanna know now… that’s like saying “I have a secret, but can’t tell you”… that annoys me and makes me super curious.
I hope he isn’t stripping… maybe he can dress as a woman an audition for the new Lady Gaga video???
Alex: I’ll do anything… I need money
Lady Gaga: You don’t look like a woman enough
Alex: Wait… check out my hair *shakes head and mullet falls down*
Lady Gaga: YOU’RE HIRED!
I really don’t understand why he hasn’t been signed. This is just another reason why I need to have a job in my actual field of study. I would have scooped this kid up!! I like to apologize to Alex Lambert right now… I failed you!! If I was more on my game, this wouldn’t even be an issue. We’d be kicking it somewhere fabulous and you would have the shiniest mullet ever.
And I’d also like to say… how does this kid not have a girlfriend?? He’s so adorable and so talented… and I’m going to assume nice. But the fact that he is girlfriend less is not really the important issue here…. that was just a side note.
I don’t even want to believe this… I almost rather it be that he is crying wolf and/or is just a super dramatic kid or something.
Let’s pretend this isn’t happening and listen to his awesome song with whistling… whistling makes everything better.
He could even get a job as Marty McFly’s double. Maybe they could do a re-release, digitally remastered version of Back To The Future and Alex Lambert could do the re-shoots or something???
Listen… I’m just trying to fix this craziness.
Well, big thank you to Wena for this video because I actually talked about Oprah’s poop this morning…. I mean if that doesn’t tell you that Lee bear needs to do a cart-wheel or something for me (and by something I mean a picture with the freakin’ hat of all hats *hint hint*)… I don’t know what else will. So, another personal message to you Lee D…. please do something exciting today or tomorrow so I won’t have to mention Oprah’s urine.
Now that I grossed everyone out… those of you who are troopers and had faith I wasn’t going to discuss excrement, I have a Lee bear treat for sticking with me.
I mean there really isn’t much to say about this except this is what Lee bear must have done on his free time as a teenager (I have no idea how old he is here…. he looks younger than he is now, so to me, that’s a teenager). He picked up chicks in parking lots by singing James Blunt songs. Can’t even make fun of that…. because I’d be a smitten kitten if I was there… coming out of 7/11 with a slushy only to be interrupted from my treat by Lee bear singing sweet nothings.
He also does that vacant James Blunt look very well. Either that or he’s stoned. Which, in that case I say, way to get into character because I have a firm belief that James Blunt is always high.
And then since he is a performing monkey to these people, they made him do more of it, while the drunk girl holding the camera made me nauseous. Seriously, Shakes McGee…. have one too many red bulls?? And what a strange crowd that gathered. There are young females, business men, I think I saw a homeless man bobbing his head in the background. I don’t want to hear that Lee bear doesn’t appeal to the masses.
I kind of like when he sings like a woman. Point for Lee bear!
Only if you promise to whisper sweet nothings in a James Blunt pitch all night.
I feel like I’ve written that title before. Actually, I KNOW I’ve written that title before.
Oprah checks in at the #1 spot on the Forbes list with $315 million.
I mean wow. Normally, if people have this much money it annoys me because there are millions of people who are homeless, hungry, have no health insurance, have no jobs etc, but I don’t want to anger Oprah.
We all know she makes the decisions and is all-powerful, I mean the woman has her own network called OWN. If you can have your personal network… that’s impressive.
So, YOU GO GIRL!
P.S. Here is the list if you care to see who else is on it, but let’s be real… Oprah is the only one who matters. (and I guess Taylor Swift and Simon Cowell) And way to go Judge Judy… I thought Mamadukes was the only person to watch your show, but apparently not.
20. Judge Judy Sheindlin – 45 million
19. Taylor Swift – 45 million
18. Miley Cyrus – 48 million
17. Ellen Degeneres – 55 million
16. Sandra Bullock – 56 million
15. Madonna – 58 million
14. Lady Gaga – 62 million
13. Britney Spears – 64 million
12. Jerry Seinfeld – 75 million
11. Simon Cowell – 80 million
10. Dr. Phil – 80 million
09. Beyonce Knowles – 87 million
08. George Lucas – 95 million
07. Steven Spielberg – 100 million
06. Jerry Bruckheimer – 100 million
05. Tiger Woods – 105 million
04. Michael Bay – 120 million
03. Tyler Perry – 125 million
02. James Cameron – 210 million
01. Oprah Winfrey – 315 million
I bow down to you Crystal Bowersox and your camp for marketing you like a gem. I feel bad about your past, and I feel bad because all season on Idol, I prayed to Oprah you wouldn’t win. And now I feel like an awful human being!
I read Lyndsey Parker’s interview with Mrs. Whatever Her New Married Name Is and I just felt immense guilt afterward. Here is the opening paragraph. (You can read it all HERE if you really care to)
Many past “American Idol” contestants have milked personal sob stories to increase their likability factor, but during Season 9, runner-up Crystal Bowersox only needed to rely on her immense talent to get all the way to the finale. She kept much of her personal life tightly under wraps during the show, but still, viewers couldn’t help but detect a depth of pain and hard-won life experience behind her quiet, steely exterior.
I’m pretty sure we heard her back story… maybe not the whole thing, but we heard it. And if it’s so personal why are we discussing it now? Keep it under wraps sister! You’re not Kanye West… you can’t be all dramatic to sell albums.. that only works for ‘Ye. (and after writing that and reading it back I feel like a bitch.. see this sick cycle she puts me in??)
Crystal goes on too say how she dug through garbage for food and her son slept in a Moses basket because she didn’t have a real crib for the little guy. Now, I don’t even know what the hell a Moses basket is… but I imagine it looked a lot like the one from “Prince Of Egypt”.
THAT’S SO SAD. Now, I want to buy your album, so the little guy gets a real bed. See how this all works??? Just please stop talking about your sad past… I’m gonna end up buying more than 1 copy.
And then I watch her Jay Leno performance of “Farmer’s Daughter” and it makes me feel even worse. I hate stories of kids having a hard time growing up (obviously)…. and this is exactly what the song is about. With lyrics like ”when you broke my bones I told the school I fell down the stairs,” I want to push myself down the stairs for making fun of her music and wishing her to lose to Lee DeWyze on idol.
But then as I read more of the Parker interview, the annoyance comes back and I tried my hardest not to think of her child and her sad back story.
She goes on about how she doesn’t want to make a “cheesy” idol album…. as if someone already did that??? What are you trying to say Bowersox? Is that a “in yo face!” comment to someone?? I’d like to let you know that Clay Aiken made a great debut album!!
And then I read scary man’s comment…
Somethin’s happenin’ here. What it is is Crystal clear. There’s a gal with a guitar over their, singing to me I got an album to share. I think it’s time we stop, children, what’s that sound, everybody look at Mama’s album sales now.
Great performance, Crystal. Big, big things are coming.
I’m positivo you’re not funny with your play on words. And I’m positivo I should shut up because, like I said before, you could probably have someone kick my ass.
And then I see this comment and I LOL.
Interesting, since Lee´s album is under “Frequently Bought Together” when you check out Crystal´s FD, he seems to have gotten a boost and moved up circa 20 places! So Crystal is in a way promoting Lee´s album
Sooooo… keep talking about your sad and dramatic childhood?? Your sales and your friend (??) Lee’s sales will go up.
Right?? That’s how it will work??
I guess you’ll do just fine without my money.
My final verdict: I’m not going to buy it. Oopsie!
Unless, of course you and your new husband get a divorce before December 14th (WHICH I DO NOT WANT TO HAPPEN) but I’ll fo sho feel bad enough and pick up a few copies.
Call Kanye… he may have some tips.