Posts Tagged ‘Jessica Simpson pregnant’
I know this is super old news but I’m coming out of my vacation coma and definitely need to discuss Jessica Simpson’s womb.
Jessica was totally over that whole dieting thing (and apparently that whole $6 million Weight Watcher deal thing) and just got herself knocked up again. People call Jessica Simpson dumb, but I call her a genius. I refuse to believe that women don’t get pregnant just to eat cupcakes for every meal— that is at least 84% of the reason why people procreate. True story.
Anyway, Jessica Simpson is starting her 17 month gestation campaign once again with a selfie.
Judging by the size of her belly I’m going to assume she’s been pregnant for about 2 weeks.
Jessica, like the majority of females, was sick and tired of being on Weight Watchers so girl just went and got herself knocked up. HERE SHE COMES CHILIS!
I mean, I get it. About 57% of the reason I want to be pregnant at all times is so I can eat cupcakes with a chaser of strawberry milkshakes for every meal. And I wish I was joking. I say these things out loud. Out loud to boys I’m dating.
Why am I not dating whoever Jessica Simpson is engaged to (honestly can’t think of his name— Eric?)?? Because you KNOW that’s the conversation that Jessica and Eric (??) had about her diet vs putting a baby in her womb.
It was Gordo’s baby all along!!!
Hillary Duff popped out her baby (by the way she got pregnant AFTER Jessica Simpson… I’m sure of it) and it’s probably a little Spanish cutie, snuggle bug because she named him Luca Cruz. LOVE!
By the way, her husband is an extremely caucasian hockey player, so yes, that name is awkward.
Congrats! Who doesn’t love babies? Just watch out for Angelina Jolie… that name might throw her on his scent.
Posted March 16, 2012on:
How Jessica Simpson didn’t have this baby yet is beyond me. That baby has been cooking in her belly for at least 17 months…. COME ON OUT ALREADY!!!
Anyway, Jessica Simpson is naming her baby girl Maxwell and they will call her Maxi.
And what do you think of when you think of Maxi???
MENSTRUATION! And feminine hygeine products.
Don’t lie. You think of that.
Jessica Simpson hates her baby.
Why does every pregnant celebrity feel the need to pose naked on the cover of magazines with their hand strategically placed over their boob and leg extended just enough so we don’t see the part where that baby is gonna shoot out of???
It’s been done! STOP DOING IT!!!
(If Snooki has a magazine feature like this I will not be able to function. If I don’t kill myself from it… I’ll definitely stop ovulating and never have a baby)
We get it. Being pregnant is beautiful… but with us girls who still associate our bodies with the opposite of gestating (mainly breaking down alcohol and getting us from point a to point b), stop posing with your naked, pregnant bodies because you’re freaking us all out!!
What makes this photo bearable is the part where Jessica Simpson tells us that thankfully she didn’t go on an all day drinking binge:
“We were goin’ to have an all-day drinking binge. Gonna ride our bikes, hang out…do naughty things. But I started feeling this overwhelming guilt. Why would I feel guilt at the idea of going out and having cocktails with my friends?”
And apparently Jess is a big drinker. Who knew??
“Givin’ up my Scotch? My Macallan 18? That was hard for me! … Though now, being pregnant, you crave other things. A big thing of water sounds great!”
Jessica’s also afraid her daughter is gonna be a lesbian:
“Ah swear, ah will croak if she asks me for a pair of Nikes instead of Christian Louboutins! Eric is so athletic. We’re gonna have this ath-a-letic girl and I won’t even be able to take her shopping.”
I hope the universe just lets her have this baby already because I want to know what demented name she has given the baby girl and poor Jessica Simpson has been carrying this baby around for no less than a year.
COME OUT BABY! (but remember…not out of the closet… just the uterus)
Posted December 13, 2011on:
Seriously. I could really use the money. That baby could literally be my million dollar baby. Actually, my THREE MILLION DOLLAR BABY!! Suck on that Clint Eastwood!!!
If you haven’t guess by my awesome-ly chosen picture of Jessica Simpson and her husband whose name I can’t think of right now because it’s 1AM (clearly I wrote this last night and edited this in the morning)…. then you are growing a baby on your brain instead of your uterus.
Jessica Simpson reportedly penned a deal with Weight Watchers worth $3 Million.
WHY NOT ME?!?!?
I will seriously eat the entire candy aisle at Duane Reade and do the truffle shuffle down 2nd Ave if Weight Watchers promised me that much money. Why involve a child??
Jessica Simpson has all the luck.
Womp womp!! Guess Jessica never got that $500,000 offer from a tabloid to break the news that we all already knew.
This is how Jessica Simpson announced the fact that there is a baby in her womb:
“It’s True! I am going to be a mummy!”
I really wish her soon to be husband/soon to be ex-husband (I’m sure they’ll get divorced) would tell her that this isn’t funny, and that she should run a brush through her hair once and awhile.
DUH DUH DUH!
Get this woman a reality show already!
Clearly, Jessica Simpson is filled with baby….
And good for her because I feel like she’s really amped the McRib is back and now she can eat it at every meal. (I believe one of the many reasons people get pregnant is so they can eat stuff…. I mean, that’s why I’m gonna do it… I just want to not diet).
So, the McRib is one reason, and then there’s the whole Tony Romo’s (her ex) wife is knocked up too.
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo revealed Tuesday morning that he and his wife are expecting their first child.
Romo and Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin were at Cedar Hill High School in Cedar Hill, Texas, to address students as part of the school’s Red Ribbon drug prevention campaign, when he revealed the news.
When a teen asked Romo if he had any children, the quarterback replied, “I got one on the way. My wife’s pregnant.”
Romo and former Miss Missouri and sports anchor Candice Crawford were married in Dallas in May
First off, Red Ribbon week still exists?? That’s bad ass. Second, I’m glad some teen from Texas is the reason Jessica Simpson is shoving her baby bump in the media’s face. Get that drug free kid a Peabody!
But again, I’m not saying this is why she’s pregnant and why she’s finally “announcing” it, but it’s just a little theory of mine I keep in my marble notebook.