Posts Tagged ‘Lauren Alaina’
I’m not a huge Lauren Alaina fan— I’d rather see Scotty McCreery fall off a stage again and again, but I got to admit that I really like “Eighteen Inches”, Lauren’s new song.
At first I thought she was having a day dream about penis size and country music just got a little out of hand, but then I realize it’s a beautiful love story that Teen Mom wishes they could portray. Who doesn’t love a romantic love story about teens running away to get underaged married and knocked up, but it all works out in the end? I certainly love it.
OMG THE BABY IS 18 INCHES TOO!! I CAN’T! Who wrote this genius song?
Anyway, I need to go and get a measuring tape and see if the distance between my head and heart is really 18 inches. I feel like Lauren Alaina didn’t get all the scientific facts before singing this song.
I’m not even gonna pretend I watched this entire music video for “Good Girl”.
From what I’ve seen she’s wearing pretty clothes, shoes you couldn’t pay me to wear and my hair will never look like that.
Lauren Alaina is planning her next video right now after watching this I’m sure.
Posted March 9, 2012on:
Soooooo many things about this little 3 minute segment, I’m just gonna list this shit:
1) Lauren Alaina… why do you still dress like a 47-year-old divorcee hitting up Atlantic City for the weekend?? Isn’t she like 17? Look like a 17-year-old please, because I’m gonna keep making fun of you for looking like that.
2) “Georgia Peaches” is an awful song. I even will go as far as to say that the mother song is better.
3) You are not Carrie Underwood. Stop trying to look like her… I’d like you more if you were just yourself.
And last but not least….
4) BACK OFF OF P^2!
I’m certainly not above cutting ‘chu! And plus, Heejun is just as jealous, and I’m sure he is a black belt in ninja-ness, so when we combine forces… we got this!
I don’t care if both Lauren and P^2 are from Georgia. Who cares?!?! We have peaches in NYC. True, they’re about $7 a lb., but we do what we gotta do. I’m also a giant fan of that song about peaches from The Presidents Of The United States Of America, so suck it, Lauren!
Someone stop Lauren Alaina from drinking cranberry juice, because if her kidney’s aren’t as strong as mine…. I win!
She doesn’t know the lyrics to the National Anthem, so the only real option in this national disaster is she’s an illegal immigrant. She’s too pale and her accent doesn’t match Mexicans… so it has to be Canada, eh??
Okay… so she didn’t mess up the lyrics so much as hiccup or burp during the middle of the song. If she burped, she can be an American again, because that’s totally something a Southerner would do.
Cut to my mom calling me in 2 hours telling me The Revolution has a cold heart wrapped in cynicism. And to that I say thank you.
Back to mothers… specifically Lauren Alaina’s. I don’t want to be a pageant mom. Or have a two-toned Kate Gosselin haircut.
LOOK AT THAT JACKET!! It’s bedazzled!!! Like a lot of bedazzling went on in that house.
Anyway, Lauren Alaina released a video for “Like My Mother Does” and she has an awesome tan.
If this song isn’t a hit on the country charts, than our country has bigger problems than Standard & Poor downgrading the US Credit to AA+. Just saying.
I didn’t go see the American Idol concert because to be frank… I don’t want to waste the money on those people. Casey Abrams is probably banging Haley (who still needs mucinex) and P Mac is milking the cows with Nikki Reed. My money can be spent elsewhere as far as I’m concerned.
Plus, Oscar doesn’t like large crowds and I wouldn’t dream of going to see the Idol show with anyone else.
Rachel, who writes another pop culture blog Goat In A Kitchen, went to the concert and wrote a great review. She’s very witty (and way more sane than me) and I recommend you read this review (HERE) because you will learn some shit.
Things I learned:
- Win Miss New York Pre-Teen NATURAL pageant and people will give me upgraded tickets and interviews (ya hear that Lee D?!?!?) …… I know I’m 24 but I’m working on getting my idea chalked so it says I’m 10. It will work out.
- Stefano needs to keep his goddamn clothes on. I don’t know who told this kid he was Usher or J Timb, but they need to be shot. Maybe by the guy who shot himself.
- P Mac is the worst dancer ever. So good luck in bed Nikki Reed.
-James Durbin is really popular (who knew??) and Jacob Lusk still is super gay and super in love with Jesus and he clearly has no idea that is a contradiction in that religion.
- I still need to win a pre-teen pageant DAMN IT!!
- People consider bringing scissors to concerts. And by people I mean, crazy ladies.
- Casey Abrams let’s people touch his beard. All of a sudden Oscar wishes he doesn’t have a fear of crowds.
- WHEN WILL MY ID BE READY FOR MY PRE-TEEN PAGEANT!!!!!
If you read all that and have no idea what I’m talking about, you need to click HERE and read Rachel’s review now.
If she was in X-Men her power would be turning everything she sings into a ballad. It’s astounding actually. She should probably join the circus and use this as her trick, because it’s absolutely magical how every song she sings, no matter what the tempo, makes me want to punch my ear drums out because I’m so bored and injuring myself at least allows me to feel something.
And she does know this isn’t a pageant right?? What’s with the posing?? She’s been hanging out with Lauren Alaina too much. (PS totally could not think of her name)
Well, she certainly does not have as deep of a voice as Scotty. It’s what I like to call ‘girly twang’.
Lauren was on Regis & Kelly and my friend Alex was not into her.
I proceeded to tell Alex that Lauren’s mom dresses her.
That was just as boring as Scotty’s performance, if not more. They are not selling themselves very well to the people who have ADD and can’t sit and watch them stand there for 2 minutes.
And AT&T. Please watch this and crack up because it is brilliant.
I don’t really know why this woman shouted “TO AT&T” but it’s the best thing I’ve seen all day.
I would give up my 2nd born to be as excited as this woman about anything. I didn’t even scream and shout out “TO AT&T” over my NKOTBSB tickets, but that might just be because there is way too many letters involved.
This woman is a massive Scotty Playa Playa fan… but the dog was clearly all about Lauren.
That’s the story I’m going with and it’s going to spread like wildfire. I can’t wait until this is on US Weekly next week. I better get some royalties for this.
Anyway, you can go HERE and read my take on Lauren’s thoughts (or what her mother is telling her to say) after coming in 2nd place.
And this photo has NOTHING to do with anything but at the same time EVERYTHING to do with anything.
I think this could be Scotty and Lauren in a few years.