Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
If you lip synch and dance to Justin Beiber our marriage will last forever. Not even joking.
When I’m about to sign divorce papers, just remind me of the moment you sang “Baby” to me in front of our fiends and family in a Zack Morris hat, while embarrassing yourself terribly at our wedding, and all will be forgiving. Truly.
Congrats girl! You found a keeper!
Does this guy have a brother??? Because Justin Bieber has a slew of pop love songs that needs to be sung at weddings.
-Rocco
I’m so frightened that I will get knocked up talking about all this baby stuff, that I’m overdosing on birth control. Too many babies… isn’t our population overcrowded??
Mickey Mouse is clearly doing black magic and impregnating all his child-now-adult stars (i.e Hilary Duff, Brenda Song and that’s pretty much it) so of course Kevin Jonas wants to remain relevant and talk about babies.
(PS I swear on Oprah that Miley Cyrus just came on my iPod. I’m not even a Disney star and Mickey is trying to take over my uterus. Now the birth control doesn’t sound so insane, right?!?!)
Kevin Jonas has been married to Danielle for a year (pictured above) and they are feeling the pressure to turn their dogs into babies. Now, I’m not even sure Kevin likes girls and/or knows about sex…. so this whole statement from him makes me uncomfortable.
”It’s that point now where people are just like, ‘Ok, so you’ve been married, when are you gonna have a kid?’
We’ve started to realize we might become those weird dog people. We have our two dogs, so we don’t want to be those weird dog people, so maybe we’re headed there sooner than we thought.
It’s going to be part of our journey very soon, but not right now, exactly.”
Everything about those words makes me picture him saying this in a really nervous manner whilst sweating profusely from the fear that someone was going to question why they sleep in different beds.
creepy dog people
If within the next 6 months Kevin Jonas is pregnant (like he literally has a zygote in his stomach) I’m going to be even more afraid of Mickey Mouse than I am now.
-Rocco
Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith Peace Out Of Marriage. I Blame Scientology.
Posted on: August 23, 2011
Minus Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, because she’s drugged and doesn’t actually know she’s married, if you are married, pray to Xenu and get monthly body scans from the church of Scientology… your husband is probably gay and you will get a divorce.
Which brings us to Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.
(I’m sorry if I offended any Fresh Prince fans. But you’re welcome to any fan fiction/inbred enthusiasts you always imagined a Fresh Prince/Carlton relationship)
According to InTouch Weekly, which is pretty much my holy book, these two hate each other and are separating.
Now, this obviously has something to do with the Scientology church and/or that Karate Kid remake movie that Jaden Smith did. FYI, karate kids don’t have cornrows.
I really have nothing else to say about this except if this marriage couldn’t work…. John Travolta and Kelly Preston are next, which I know saddens Mamadukes because she doesn’t believe me when I say John Travolta is gay. In fact… I hear her voice from 60 miles away *tsk* Why does she say these things on the internet?? I’m calling her ass.
-Rocco
Ummm weird. Why am I not in Capri right now enjoying a wedding ceremony between two people I don’t know?? Instead I’m sitting here regretting having that second glass of Sangria, because apparently I’m not as young as I once was.
I know this photo is from a far, and a little bit stalkerish, but trust me… that’s the Coop sitting there looking attractive and that’s Leonardo DiCaprio checking to make sure a bird didn’t shit on his hair. <— that would not help him shine up like a penny!
Anyway, some guy, Ryan Kavanaugh, got married and everyone, including Ryan Seacrest because that guy will not pass up a chance to gossip with some bridesmaids, was there.
This was really just a ploy for me to post a picture of Bradley Cooper and Leo DiCaprio together, breathing the same air, possibly sipping from each other’s beers and bro-ing it out.
It’s a little obsession of mine.
-Rocco
PS Thank you to Minwa, my Bradley Cooper guru, for sending me this! 
Lee D F**king Loves Pretty Eyeballs
Posted on: July 2, 2011
This is my proof that Lee D unnecessarily threw in the word “f**king” into “Pretty Eyeballs”, which sent me into a straight up giggle fit that ruined whatever moment he was trying to created.
He may have been trying to create a marriage proposal for all I know; in my head he created a proposal for a restraining order.
2:37: “it’s okay to f**king fall in love”
Just writing that out is making me crack up (and yes I’m sitting by myself at 2AM writing this in my bedroom). According to Lee D, it’s not just okay to fall in love… it’s okay to “f**king fall in love”.
Anyway, if none of you find this as hilarious as I do… this post was a big fat waste of time and just f**king watch the video again.
And make sure you don’t just enjoy it… make sure you f**king enjoy it.
-Rocco
PS This is obviously Big D’s favorite post ever. Maybe only second to a Cher post.
- In: Tidbits
- 7 Comments
When will these biddys learn that if you are dating George Clooney NEVER EVER say the word “marriage” or “children” and you will be with him forever.
Stupid women!
Oh Georgie! It's slipped out!! I'm sorry!
(read that in an Italian accent for full effect)
George Clooney has kicked his Italian woman, Elisabetta Canalis, or the woman who wasn’t able to change Clooney, to the curb because about two weeks ago she said she would one day marry George and he wasn’t having any of that crap.
“Whenever I see my picture in a magazine I know what is being written. They all say that I spend my time organizing parties and that my boyfriend does not want to marry me and be with me anymore. My boyfriend has not given an interview on his private life since 1999 – everything that you read is just a rehash of stuff that has been written in the past. I am a firm believer in marriage, in the future I will be married, but for the time being I am happy as I am. I don’t need anything to confirm how happy I am.”
Cut to two weeks later when George told her he’s not a firm believer in marriage and she will never get her green card in America.
We are not together anymore. It’s very difficult and very personal, and we hope everyone can respect our privacy,” Clooney and Canalis said in a joint statement Wednesday.
I’m pretty sure George Clooney is fine and is already scouring France looking for a model girlfriend to replace her with.
Speaking of Georgie… let’s post a picture of him:
Sorry, but you can all Google real George Clooney pictures yourself. This was too hilarious to pas up!
-Rocco
- In: Tidbits
- 4 Comments
But then you should divorce him for wearing white because that’s something only a ex-male stripper would wear. Oh wait???
-Rocco
- In: Tidbits
- 6 Comments
I’m not one to laugh about infidelity and illegitimate children, but the fact that it’s always the Republicans who preach family values and the importance of morals blah blah blah who are out banging the hired help and putting babies in women who are not their wives.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are peacing out of their marriage and many were shocked because of this. I mean, who would leave this stud muffin??
But you’d leave him too if he had a baby 10 years ago with the maid and then paid her off to pretend it was her husbands. Oh republicans… you are so silly.
“After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago,” Schwarzenegger said Monday night in a statement issued to The Times in response to questions. “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.
“I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time,” the statement concluded. “While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not.”
Again, I’m not laughing at the fact that this happened but I’m laughing because one, it’s the terminator and two, he’s a republican. IT’S ALWAYS THE REPUBLICANS!!!
I’m also going to laugh at this picture, because I’m pretty sure the baby looked like this:
Adorable.
I don’t know much about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s politics because I don’t live in California and I can’t take body builders seriously when they hold political office, but I really hope he was all about the gays being able to marry. And if he wasn’t he’s even more ridiculous…. come on Arnold, at least give them the chance to cheat on their spouse while telling others about their family values.
-Rocco
I know everyone wants Lee D back in the states, but I think he should move to Asia or wherever he is. I’ve never seen this much personality exude from him (and just forget the fact that I know nothing about him and never seen anything exude from him… but just go with it) and now he’s even pretending to be a fraternal twinsies with Linc the Sink.
1) I’m so into Linc The Sink. And another thumbs up picture from Lee D?? Yes, Lee I get it.
2) They look like twinsies set to go to their first day of school and mom thought it was cute to dress them in similar clothes.
3) These two always, and I mean ALWAYS, need to be each other’s dates to red carpet events. And I know you all agree with me.
Look they even dance on the red carpet together??? They have such a beautiful bromance!!! I’m pretty sure it’s cool if they get married in Asia, but I’ll have to Wikipedia that.
I wonder what Lee D has to do to become a citizen??
-Rocco
Well, they just went to shit very, very quickly.
I’m gonna rehash the Casey Abrams and Julie Zorilla one right now.
Remember those love birds??? Well, no worries because I forgot too. I completely forgot that they were gonna get married on the finale with Ryan Seacrest performing the ceremony. Julie was gonna wear such a pretty petticoat.
Look at this!
Warms my heart. What guy doesn’t want to have fun times with a real life Disney Princess???
Loves it.
-Rocco
