Posts Tagged ‘Mike Sorrentino’
Posted March 22, 2012on:
He’s obviously exhausted from doing all his high ninja kicks on red carpets like the one above. I now understand and send him well wishes. I almost want to volunteer at Cirque Lodge just so I can help heal The Situation so he can go back to drinking mass amounts of alcohol and banging chicks with daddy issues and low self-esteem.
The Situation released a statement to his fans (he actually has those?) and this is what the douche-tastic addict had to say:
I want to set the record straight. I have voluntarily taken steps to get control of a prescription medication problem I had due to exhaustion. I have spent the past several weeks getting treatment for this problem and recuperating from my work and appearance schedule. I appreciate my fans support and love you guys.
On second thought, I’m pretty sure one would only pose like this if they smoke crack, so let’s just assume it’s that. Let’s also say he’s getting treated for an STD. That’s not really a stretch either.
That’s how I’m gonna read the “exhaustion” card he’s pulling.
The Situation apparently checked into rehab for “exhaustion”, which means he’s has a drug problem. Let’s assume it’s steroids, alcohol, and black tar heroin because he’s a douche bag and probably has a very small penis.
Of course, his reps are all saying it’s just because he’s so busy with his career… and he’s tired.
“He has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule.”
He’s exhausted from doing absolutely nothing. I would have maybe taken this excuse while he was on Dancing With The Stars, but at this moment in his life he’s literally going to clubs and getting paid $20,000.
All you mother’s out there with 2 jobs, 3 kids in school, and a husband who works late hours better quit your bitchin’ because The Situation works harder than you.
Anyway, I’m exhausted… I’m gonna go check myself in rehab.
Ugh douche chills when I look at him.
And write apparently.
Yes, what you are seeing is real. That is The Situation’s book creatively titles Here’s The Situation . I am most shocked that he has a real name… I forget that sometimes. I like to think when he came out of the womb his mother said “I think we should name him…. The Situation” (and then of course held him up like Simba)
Anyway…. just in case creeper guys need more advice on how to be a douche (their inate ability just isn’t cutting it anymore) here is your bible. It is the guide on how to bang chicks, how NOT to bang ugly chicks, and doing your daily chores. This is his actual words to describe the book:
“This book will take your game to a level thought unattainable, given your physical limitations (because we can’t all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off) … From there it’s my guide to the ‘Jersey Shore,’ battle plans for the club, a primer on grenades and wingmen, and tips for ridding yourself of all levels of clinger.”
Wow. I am speechless. He has quite a way with words.
I am just glad that this guy Chris Millis was around to put The Situations , excuse me Mike Sorrentino’s, words into cohesive sentences.
*tear* I am trying to type this… but it is just really hard…..
The Situation was eliminated on Dancing with the Stars. *aghhhhh* And yes Sitch… I believe the results are extremely unfair as well.
The only hope I have left is Bristol the Pistol. I am hoping she announces she has another illegitimate child and there is a guest appearance from her mother Sarah next week (like Sarah is in the dance)…. this is the only thing that will make me smile.
I’m gonna go mourn and watch the Jersey Shore. It is the only way.