Rocco's Pop Revolution: Seen through the eyes of someone living it

Get it??? Like the Salt -N- Pepa song “Let’s Talk About Sex”???

I should stop explaining my jokes. If you don’t get it, you’re loss. You just missed the fun train!

Anyway… the SAG Awards were on last night and I did not watch them because I was watching J Biebs on Extreme Home Makeover and shedding tears. Sunday night is always a good night to cry and that shit is sad. Who knew building homes and Ty Pennington in plaid could make tear ducts explode.

So, while I was praising J Biebs for being such an angel muffin, and while I was mocking Ty Pennington for wearing a Marty McFly vest and explaining to friends that he had an alcohol problem at one point (that happened right?? Or am I spreading rumors about the poor man?? Remember Trading Spaces?? GOOD SHOW!!), the stars were at the SAG awards.

And by stars, I mean everyone but Leonardo DiCaprio. I warned you I would get bitter about his absence during this award season. It makes me upset.

So, this is the point where I post pictures and compliment and/or make fun of the people. There wasn’t anyone in a ridiculous outfit that I’ve seen so far… so this is the pretty zone.

1) James Franco: I’m developing a little bit on an obsession with him. He looked very handsome last night. He makes me want to read poetry. And I know that sounds weird… I just feel like he does that (while puffing on a pipe like a Grandpa-pa) and I don’t want us to have nothing to talk about if I ever run into him and a beatnick poet meeting. I go to those every other third Thursday of the month.

YOU Rocco! Read me verse 7 third line down in iambic pentameter.

2) Glee guys:

Matthew Morrison is cute, but I can’t stop thinking about the time he “rapped” “Gold Digger” on Glee. It kind of ruins things for me and makes me laugh, which means I could never be in the same room as him. I would be laughing AT him and it would just be awkward. Plus, his hair is really curly and my hair is a curly mess….. if we accidentally had a baby, that child would have a mental breakdown over the mess on their heads before they were 7. Trust me. It happens. I’ve seen Dr. Phil.

She's a gold digger... she ain't messing with no bro bro broke....

Chris Colfer. I want to be best friends with you. I just feel like we’d get along. This is my request for your friendship in the future.

I’m usually not into blonde hair (unless your Zack Morris. duh) because then it’s hard to pass you off as Italian to Big D. (with brown hair we can just add a vowel to the end of your surname and Big D has no idea), but Chord Overstreet is the exception. And he also breaks my no swoop over the age of 18 rule as well. Reasons why I like him 1) His name is Chord. I love weird names… seriously. I want to name my kid Milo or Amadeus (I love Mozart). Kid or dog. Whatever comes first. 2) I don’t have another reason, but you need a #2 to go with a #1.

And now on to Mark Sailing AKA Puck. I heart this boy. And by boy I mean man. I recently googled him and he’s like 27 or something. Again, this is the only man who can pull off a ridiculous haircut. I want to date him for a few months and then have him break my heart (you’ll see why in a second)

And last but not least, the reason I want my heartbroken by Puck, CORY MONTEITH. I am crushing hard. It’s pretty pathetic. I’ve never wanted Glee to start more in my life, and only just so I can see him for an hour each week. I hope I feel this way next weekend. If not… it’s going to be awkward when I get all dolled up to watch Glee, only to realize I don’t have a crush anymore.

But seriously…. be more charming Cory. Not every girl has broken up with their boyfriend in hopes you would be their rebound. By the way I totally did not end things for that reason…. I mean… come on. That would be ridiculous.

I’m going to do this whole SAG awards in two parts.

I really just want to stare at Cory Montieth for 5 more minutes to make my Monday better.

-Rocco