Posts Tagged ‘mr. Fitz’
Pretty Little Liars: Caleb Can Kidnap Me Any Day And Pastor Ted Is Probably ‘A’
Posted on: August 8, 2012
Welcome to PLL “recap”, and I use that term very very loosely because this is definitely incoherent and through the eyes of a 25-year-old who has no business watching this show when I should be out doing adult things— like getting drunk and screaming at the Olympic games on the TV’s in bars.
Anyway, a lot of shit went down last week and I honestly can’t remember so go HERE to refresh if you must. Let’s get into this weeks shenanigans.
- Aria is the weirdest dresser ever.
- Maya had the same stamp on her wrist that Holden (the cage fighter with a heart condition) had. I don’t know what that means, but it’s apparently a big deal.
BUM BUM BUMMMMMM!
- Spencer forgot to apply to college and got a B on her homework. She’s freaking out and referencing Scooby Doo.
- The Allison look -a-like dumb girl invites the girls to a party at U Penn so Spencer can flirt with him/ sleep with him to get into college. I think that’s what’s happening here.
- OH NO! The police are at Hanna’s house and are asking for Hanna’s blood sample. COURT ORDERED! NOOOOOOOOO!
- Hanna’s mama calls Mrs. Lawyer Hastings because there is trouble.
- SLOW MO ACTION WITH HANNA AND CALEB STARING AT EACH OTHER DOWN THE HALL! I love them so much. His hair has a little less shine and I think it’s because his song is playing in the background.
- Caleb passes off the log in info for Maya’s website and this is their foreplay. So. Turned. On. By. Him.
- “The Apple Rose Grille at closing time. Go alone or Caleb pays- A” <– if ‘A’ hurts Caleb— I’ll cut ‘A’.
Don’t hurt me.
- Emily is a super lesbian and wearing plaid while talking to Paige, who literally has different hair every scene that she is in. I thought she had bangs last week?
-Ezra was fighting with his brother Wes and I assume it’s over their bitchy mother who offers money to their girlfriends to go away.
Hi. I’m Wes.
- OH SNAP! Aria just comes out and tells Ezra about his mother’s money offer.
- Ezra seems shocked that his mom is a giant bitch and he keep lying and things are shady. Basically Ezra is super poor and his family hates him because of that. He has to buy back some car that he sold and I don’t really care about this sub-plot.
I look great instagrammed
- Wren is blowing up Hanna’s phone and she is ignoring that shit. Rude.
- Emily’s outfit is even more super lesbian because she has converse to go with her plaid. At least she dresses better than Aria.
- Hanna told Emily all about the Maya website/videos— totally killed her Paige buzz.
- Pastor Ted is just all up on this show and flirting with Hanna’s mom again. HE’S SUCH A MAN WHORE! A JESUS LOVING MAN WHORE!
Remember. Jesus loves you
- I don’t know what “despondent” means and they said it about 4 times.
- Spencer is asking Aria for fashion advice which worries me.
- Spencer of course looks ridiculous at this party and is defending Jason to Allison 2.0.
YOU don’t like my outfit?
- THE U PENN PARTY IS AT NOEL KAHN’S CABIN!! They sounded shocked— so I guess I should be shocked too.
Hey, Brah! I’m a douche.
- THE STAMP!! THE STAMP!!! THE STAMP!! AGHHHHHHHHH!!!! THE F**KING STAMP!! THE STAMP IS BEING USED AT NOEL’S PARTY!!
(I think that’s the reaction the writers wanted)
- Freakin’ Noel Kahn— I knew it! Hot and probably a murderer. He did date Mona. (I wonder if there are conjugal visits in mental hospitals?)
I miss Noel
- Emily is back at home and watching Maya’s website. This should be good for the healing process— totally healthy.
- She’s gently caressing the computer screen and weeping.
So sad.
- Eric Kahn looks exactly like Noel Kahn. Probably the same actor. Tough times in America on the job circuit.
- Everyone is circling around Eric and CeCe (Allison 2.0) while they play a game of ‘Truth’. Exciting.
- Hanna’s mom lays down the info on the blood test to Hanna. Hanna’s mom calls Pastor Ted to have dinner.
- Noel Kahn struts in with non blind bitch Jenna, who should still play the blind card because her outfit is atrocious.
Heeeeey. Love is blind
- Hanna goes to the grille and Caleb is there and says “I’m A”. WHAT THE F**K?!?!?
What’s up.. I’m A
- Caleb was just kidding about the “A” thing and wanted to talk to Hanna. He’s smart. That was kind of romantic. I’d pretend to be a sociopath to get close to Caleb.
- KISS HER CALEB! Or actually— Hanna let Caleb kiss you!
- Aria and Noel are playing a game of truth and Noel keeps asking about teacher relationships and Aria keeps asking about him murdering Emily. Rude on both accounts.
- Not Blind Jenna is sitting there all not blind and being an asshole! I HATE HER!! This is a f**ked up game of Truth, which by the way isn’t a real game.
- Aria called Ezra and Wes answered and Wes is more appropriate dating age for Aria and he’s kind of cute.
Hi. Wes again and totally more age appropriate
- Hanna’s mom is having dinner with Pastor Ted and he’s getting her drunk. Not very Jesus-y of him.
-Clearly Not Blind Jenna and Spencer are playing the game of Truth and this is bullshit because people CAN ALWAYS LIE!!! I mean for God’s sake the name of the show is PRETTY LITTLE LIARS!!
(I have never hated anyone more in my life than Jenna)
- Wes comes and picks up Aria. This isn’t going to go well.
- Caleb and Hanna are passionately fighting and I think these two should just do it! YAYAY! Or kiss passionately. Why isn’t it pouring rain?!?! I love them.
- Can Pastors have sex? If they can he totally want to get it on with Hanna’s Mom.
- Pastor Ted is the make out king. I just grossed myself out.
- Wes, Ezra’s brother, is ‘A’. HE HAS TO BE! ” So he told you about Maggie”. WHO THE F**K IS MAGGIE?!?!? I think Wes just admitted that their mom killed someone named Maggie. MRS. FITZ IS ‘A’!!!
Hi I tell family secrets and my name is Wes
- Emily and Paige are the moodiest lesbians I know. PLL give lesbians a bad name— I’ve never seen such angsty lesbians in my life.
- Aria goes to Ezra and wants to discuss Maggie. WHO THE HELL IS MAGGIE?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON!?! Oh he got someone pregnant while he was in highschool and the situation was handled. Why is this such drama to Aria? I mean, unless Mrs. Fitz killed this girl Maggie, then I don’t see the issue.
- They just won’t stop playing Caleb’s (Tyler Blackburn’s) song.
- Spencer calls Butt Chin Falcon Boy and says she misses him. That Butt Chin is being a little butt head.
- Spencer got into U Penn— let’s hope ‘A’ doesn’t kill her before the fall.
- Black Hooded Figure rented an apartment from a cat lady, so ‘A’ will probably kill and eat the cats.
Whew! At least Spencer got into U Penn and Caleb and Hanna are making out again. That’s all I need.
I believe there are only 3 episodes until the mid-season break and I need that because this show is too much for my nerves.
PS Totally missed crazy ass Mona this week.
Catch ya lata, bitches (just kidding)
-R
Pretty Little Liars: Black Hooded Figure Joined The Babysitter’s Club! PS Never Buy A Doll From A Creepy Kid
Posted on: March 13, 2012
ARE WE GONNA FIND OUT WHO A IS??? WHY DOES A HAVE A GUN??!?!? IS EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW ‘A’?!?!? WHO IS ‘A’!??!?!
All these questions better be answered tonight.
- Okay a bunch of what happened last week, but who cares because I don’t remember?
- Spencer dreams that Alison is alive?? What? What is happening? And why is Spencer is talking to her like everything is okay and not like she’s TALKING TO A DEAD PERSON??
You think I need help huh??
- Spencer has totally lost it. She’s hallucinating.
-Whoever is the cinematographer if this show needs to lighten this shit up because I can’t make out a damn thing in the dark…I’m not a cat.
-OH SNAP! The door was open?? Was Spencer really dreaming?? Is Allison’s ghost just walking around Rosewood?? Whhhhhhat?
-Of course Spencer tells Emily about the “Allison dream” and confesses she spoke to Alison too. These girls need medication.
-Hanna’s mom is asking questions about the fire that unfortunately didn’t kill Blind Bitch Jenna.
-CALEB IS BACK!!!!! YAYAYAYAY! Caleb… I’m glad he came back from visiting his Mama.
Im back.
- “There is no more room for lies”…. um this show is called Pretty Little LIARS! Mrs. Hanna’s Mom.
duh mom!
-Aria is celebrating with Ezra for not taking the job in New Orleans and Aria is selfish and happy about this. This relationship is doomed to fail.
-Jenna is still crying over the fire I presume. And she’s taking her eye patch off to see if she can see.
-I’m gonna say what everyone is thinking: she is ugly without sunglasses! (see above) THERE I SAID IT!
- Jenna, who is NOT Blind Bitch Jenna now, looks like a vampire and can see out of one eye. I think? I don’t really know because she’s crying, but those could be happy or sad tears.
-Actually Not Blind Bitch Jenna has Butt Chin Falcon Boy take her to the PLL’s and Hanna is rude/wonderful and asks if she can see.
Rocco can't find a current picture of my new haircut
- The surgery didn’t work… she’s lying. I don’t trust that ugly little liar.
-Jenna is in debt to Hanna for saving her and she just won’t stop crying about it. MY GOD! Stop blubbering woman!
- She’s “apologizing” to the girls. Should my heart be melting at this moment? Because it’s not.
-Then Jenna whips out her walking stick and beats them!!! No just kidding… that didn’t happen. She just walked away.
- Emily is all “oh no ho!” about the fake apology that Jenna just gave.
Bitch please
-’A’ wants Mona to break up Hanna and Caleb! ‘A’ HAS GONE TOO FAR!!
- Caleb’s hair is super shiny. He looks great. Caleb hates Mona, so now I hate Mona
Just working out for Twilight... ya know? The usual.
- Aria sees an application on her mom’s desk for an all girls boarding school. BYRON IS TAKING THIS WAY TOO FAR! Who cares if your daughter is banging her ex- English teacher?? Get over it Byron!
Im Byron. I blow things out of proportion!
-The girls go the doll shop where the creepy ass dolls are from. And a weird child is staring at the girls in the window. This is the beginning of a horror movie/mass torture and murder of all 4 girls. (God I wish I had a picture of this kid …. he kind of looks like this…..
- Have these girls not seen The Hills Have Eyes?!?!? NEVER LET THE CREEPY KID WITH A SYNDROME TALK TO YOU AND GIVE YOU ANSWERS!
- Creepy kid told Alison to stop looking because a man and woman wanted to hurt Alison. WHOA! Weird kid has premonitions!
-The kid basically tells Spencer her sister buys dolls and murders her friends with a male accomplice. Tough break.
- Old shop lady is not concerned at all about this kid.
He's a harmless chap!
- Aria’s not freaked out about the creepy future mass murderer kid.
- Spenc tells the girls that her parents hired a detective to find out if Melissa (her sister) killed Allison.
- OHHH SNAP! Aria calls her mom out on shipping her off to boarding school. Her Mom pawns it off as trying to keep her safe.
-Aria is gonna shove her dad’s affair back in his face… AND IN THE DEANS!! Aria is smart.
-I love how Melissa is going to give birth to the spawn of Satan BECAUSE SHE’S A MURDERER!!!
I kill high school students
-Spencer is an idiot and asks her sister to explain the video of her jumping to Allison’s bedroom the night she was murdered.
-Melissa threatens to show video of Spencer and her friends doing questionable things. Melissa is the world’s worst sister.
- Caleb is somehow involved in the girls’ plan. I wasn’t listening because I was blinded by his beauty.
- Oh man… Aria’s mom lays down the disappointment and ashamed card on her for threatening to turn her father in. That suuuuuucks. I’d rather my mom beat me with her jitterbug cellphone than tell me she’s ashamed of me. (PS Mamadukes loves The Revolution and is an avid reader)
- If Caleb and Mona even pretend to makeout in this car… I’M GONNA BE ASHAMED AND DISAPPOINTED IN THE WRITERS OF THIS SHOW!
- Mona’s secretly in love with Caleb. his hair and his Twilight wolfy extra-ness.
- And my feed went out for 2 minutes, so I have no idea what happened.
- MELISSA IS ‘A’! MELISSA IS ‘A’!! They figured that out because of the Caleb/Mona set up thing.
- Hanna is just all down with turning in Spencer’s sister and Spencer is not all gung ho on that idea… shocking.
- NOW THEY ARE ALL FIGHTING! I’M GONNA CRY!!
Let's not fight
- EZRA GOT FIRED!!!!! WHAT?!?!? BYRON IS AN OUT OF CONTROL MANIAC!! MY GOD! WHAT A BASTARD!
Ugh I lost my job.
-Sorry for the caps lock party that just happened.
- Butt Chin Falcon Boy is still besties with Jenna and I don’t like this one bit. Jenna hands Butt Chin page 5 of Allison’s autopsy! Garrett asked the blind girl to hold it… smart!
-The girls go to the doll store to see the creepy future serial killer kid and I’m convinced they are all gonna die in the next 10 minutes. PLL will never air on ABC Family again.
-Of course the girls break in because they are the smartest girls ever.
- OH GOD! Creepy doll saying something like “*mumbles* end up like me”.
I can talk
-I AM NEVR CLOSING MY EYES AGAIN!! Monkeys are going off, dolls are moving and talking, lap tops are falling…. I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!
- I hope Aria feels like shit for getting Ezra fired. Now he’s moving away…. GOOD JOB ARIA! And now he’s breaking up with you…. way to go. This plan backfired like whoa!
- Or they’ll have sex?? Well… I’m clearly live blogging this at 6AM and wasn’t expecting that.
Playas gotta play!
- Garett and Melissa are making out in the barn and carrying stuff in and out.
- A police man is at the door and telling Garett to surrender his weapon and he’s under arrest for the murder of Allison!
WHAT WHAT WAT WHAT?!?!?
More importantly…. he was the Italian pop star in the Lizzie McGuire movie?!?! WHAT!??!?
BRILLIANT!!
Anyway….
I KNEW JENN A DID WAS GONNA TURN HIM IN AND I KNEW JENNA OCOULD SEE! I KNEW IT!! SHE JUST KILLED A FLY! ON HER MIRROR!!
Got ya fly!!
SHE CAN SEE! God she’s so hideous!!
Creepy old doll lady is talking to Black Hooded Figure and Black Hooded Figure is giving treats to creepy, future serial killer kid. Great babysitter!
WE FIND OUT WHO ‘A’ IS NEXT WEEK!
YESSSS! I can move on with my life!!
-R
You know what happened last week, but just in case you are into drugs… previously on Pretty Little Liars (say that in the “previous on….” voice, so it’s done properly):
Emily is still staying with Hanna and A knows about it. Mike (Aria’ brother) is into breaking and entering and stole not Blind Bitch Jenna’s lamp shade thing. Spencer’s dad probably killed Ali with that hockey stick. James 2.0 is really into Aria and Ezera is not digging it.
TRUST NO ONE!!!!
Now this is what happening in real-time as I watch this 12 hours after it aired:
- Spencer escaped Garrett’s clutches and is with the girls. And they are just recapping the shit that’s going down.
I'm escaping the clutches
she escaped my clutches
- Garrett pulls up in his car looking dodgy as all shit and he just waltzed into Jenna’s house.
- Hanna- “Jenna can’t hear us… she’s blind”. <—– 5 minutes in. Best line already.
- JENNA IS NOT BLIND* AND SHE IS UGLY!! Why is Garrett sleeping with her?? I’m not into this at all. The girls saw this and they are not amused by the sexcapades. (*okay I made that up… but I still believe she isn’t blind)
sexcapades
-Lesbian Emily is cramping and rubbing BenGay on her body. She is clearly going to be a drug addict and why not???
my side hurts
- OH SNAP!! Hanna’s parents slept together (they are divorced) but the next morning his “save the date” for his new marriage came. AWKWARD!!
- That hot British doctor who used to date Melissa knocks on Spencer’s door and he’s a sex pot. What is his name?? I’m into his face. (his name is Wren… I like him)
i don't know why he has a stick
- Hanna sees Caleb doing his “business” and she sees a cop watching him and taking notes. IF CALEB GETS ARRESTED HE WILL GET RAPED IN JAIL!! This can not happen!!! He’s too pretty for jail!
I can't go to jail with a body like this
- Garrett of course is at the high school teaching kids not to text and drive. And of course Spencer acts all suspicious because she’s a shitty Nancy Drew.
I dress better than nancy Drew
- Mike (Aria’ little brother) is having problems in school (fighting), and he can just add that to his breaking and entering, We will now call him Bad Ass Mike.
I like to do B&E's
- Ezra asks Aria if he should be worried about him and James 2.0. And of course she says no… but that means he should be.
the only thing you should be worried about is my 2001 haircut
-Emily’s dad surprises Emily to go see her swim meet. And Emily is going to lose her cool and probably take her developing drug addiction to the next level.
And now I feel bad because Emily probably has the devil baby in her stomach because she is straight up dying in the middle of the hall. She should have taken more pain killers. If you are going to have an addiction, do it right.
- Oh she just has an ulcer. Emily is fine. Ulcer’s heal themselves… just drink some damn milk. I think?? I’m not a doctor.
- AWWW SWEEET!!! Hanna doesn’t want to tell Caleb about the undercover cop watching him because he will run and she doesn’t want to lose him. SAAAAD!! CALEB, PLEASE DON’T GO!!!
- Ulcer smulcer!! I wanted a drug addiction for Emily.
- OMG SPENCER is of course dying to go to the morgue in the hospital, because she’s a little freak. But hottie Dr. Wren stops her.
just add me to the list of hotties
- Blind Bitch Jenna is asking Garrett about Spencer’s questions. “Does she know about Jason??” and “we need to take care of this”…..I don’t want Jason 2.0 to be a killer, but I want Jenna to be a not blind killer, because than I am the smartest person alive.
anyone have a hockey stick???
- Dr. Wren is legit good-looking. I’m a fan, especially of him in his doctor uniform. And he just told Spencer that steroids was found in her blood stream. OMG BLACK HOODED FIGURE IS DRUGGING EMILY!!! AGHH!! Black Hooded Figure is such a bastard… a smart one though.
- Annnnnd Caleb is getting watched by the undercover cop once again. But Hanna is dressed funny and scoops him up.
-And speaking of dressing funny…. Spencer is in a candy stripe-er outfit in the morgue and makes Aria wear one. This is going to end well.
- Mike just breaks into people’s homes because he’s from a broken home. It’s quite poetic actually.
-Hanna told Caleb that the cop is following him… please don’t run away Caleb!!
CALEB IS A GODDAMN DREAM BOAT!!!!!
Caleb!!!
- And of course A is watching Emily in the hospital. Not shocking at all.
- Is Emily’s Dad Native American?? He looks like Pocahontas’ dad.
-I can’t believe Spencer and Aria are breaking into the morgue. These girls are out of their freakin’ minds and I want nothing more than to be a Pretty Little Liar!!!!
They found Ali’s records and cut to Hanna’s mom cleaning the fridge??? Let’s get to those damn morgue records!
- This morgue scene is bugging me out. I don’t like this at all. It pretty much says that the field hockey stick broke her skull and then the bitch was buried alive. THIS SHOW IS SICK!! WHO WROTE THIS?!?!??! ABC Family needs it’s head examined.
- Hanna just goes up to the cop and screams at him for spying on Caleb… ummm how about you don’t do that?? That doesn’t sound like a good idea.
- And of course Spencer just takes the records from the morgue… like it’s no big deal.
- And the cop tailing Caleb was doing it for someone… I’m going to believe his parents wanted to find him. Way to f**k that up Hanna?? Hanna and Caleb should just get married, because that’s the only logical thing to do here.
- Cut to Spencer and Emily looking at the morgue file. AND PAGE 5 IS MISSING!!!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS SHOW!!
OMG where is page 5??
- BLACK HOODED FIGURE WAS JUST LYING IN THE MORGUE AND THAN SAT UP!!! This show is so frightening!!! Why is Black Hooded figure so scary!?
Okay and the show is over. That’s kind of abrupt. I guess BHF took page 5 because something important is on that page and he was tired so he needed a nap and thought the morgue was a cool place to lie down for a tiger snooze. Understandable.
Where was Jason 2.0 this episode?? Killing someone else with a field hockey stick??? ohhh BURN!!
Until next week Pretty Little Liar enthusiasts.
ahhh good times
-Rocco
Okay. Last we left off A is still a bitch, Ian is probably alive (they should just look for a rainbow and a pot of gold and bingo!! There he’ll be), and Caleb is still on the Twilight set apparently.
Let’s GO!!
I’m really glad the girls have time to go to the movies. I think that’s nice they leave time for leisurely activities. No need to stop that with a crazy killer on the loose.
Annnnnnnd of course black hooded figure ruins it, but ABC Family ruins it because it’s just a dream. Bummer. I love black hooded figure (he’s my favorite character and he was just a dream. What a dream boat!!)
Remember when Hanna’s mom stole a lot of money?? I’m glad PLL proved that it’s possible and you can get away with it.
I steal things, but it's okay
Aria is taking a class and is taking it with Ezra’s ex-fiance. STALKER!!!
Aria: Is it okay if I take class with her?? Ezra: yes!
BUTT CHIN TOBY FALCON BOY!!! Returns to Rosewood High to drop off his GED papers and tells Spencer and now he’s working for Jason 2.0!! OH MY GOD!!! I can’t wait to see sexy Jason 2.0 face off with Butt Chin!
I'm back bitches! Watch out for my face!
Butt Chin’s chin just kissed Spencer. I thought it was going to devour her face!
Remember Lukas?? The nerd?? He just mentioned Caleb and Caleb’s living with him!! I think Lukas should just wear Caleb’s face on his shirt. At all times.
Caleb's my brah!
Lukas is so nice to Hanna. I like this kid…. I hope he’s not a murderer.
Aria is walking hand in hand with Aria and they just kissed and his ex fiance see’s this. I’m pretty sure Aria is till underage Ezra, so have fun in prison. Watch yo ass!! Literally. Watch it.
what are they gonna do to my butt??
BLIND BITCH JENNA IS IN ARIA’S POTTERY CLASS!!
1) Why is Aria taking pottery?? That’s the college credit she wants??
2) This proves Blind Bitch Jenna isn’t blind! How can she mold that pot??
Where's my clay?? I can't see.
Jason 2.0 is so super creepy, but kinda sexy in his sweaty tank top. Spencer see’s a shadow lurking in Jason 2.0′s house… clearly it’s Ian being a leprechaun because I think I saw a top hat with a buckle.
I'm a new jason but I'm hot
PLL just made a Ben Franklin joke! THIS SHOW IS SO GOOOOOD!
Who's your favorite Pretty Little Liar??
Spencer looks out he window and sees Jason newspaper-ing his windows. I’m more concerned about the weirdness of that situation. Maybe he got a new puppy that pees on the windows???
FLASHBACK! Allie comes to see Spencer and complain about Jason 2.0 and his party. And then she threatens Grandma’s will. Who would cut Jason 2.0 out of the will?? Allie has TEARS?!?!? She’s crying??? WHOA!!! This is the first emotion I’ve ever seen from her besides asshole.
I have emotion!
Spencer now thinks Jason 2.0 killed Allie because he’s a sucky brother.
I love Hanna and Lukas as friends. I think they make good BFF’s. I want a Lukas! I love nerds!! But Lukas needs to turn down the ‘tude!
This is Hanna & Lukas. Trust me.
Spencer is being vulnerable and asking her sister Melissa to stay with her because she’s scared. Melissa is being a cold bitch and is threatening people with jump ropes as a kid or something and now she’s denying it.
we are awful sisters
MELISSA YOU ARE SUCH AN AWFUL, AWFUL PERSON!!!
Ezra is wearing a Hugh Hefner robe and he looks like a moron.
Spencer finds Melissa’s engagement ring behind the toaster?? Spencer seems shocked by this but I’m just gonna say Melissa is a dumb wench who tried to toast her ring to make sure it was a real diamond.
Hanna’s parents have some drama rama, I don’t even care anymore.
Emily wrote a fake letter from the University so she doesn’t have to move. Genius. Aria, who is breaking the law by dating an older man by the way, hates it and Hanna, my BFF, loves it.
Texas hates lesbians.
But Chin Toby needs to put his shirt on at all times because his Falcon veins scare me.
FALCON VEINS!!
Jason 2.0 is a fine piece of man meat and I don’t even care about his stupid haircut from 2001.
Jason 2.0 throws out a bag of garbage and of course it rips open and bloody paper towels fall out. I’m guessing it’s from Ian’s neck burn from the rope that supposedly choked him out.
Blind Bitch Jenna is knocking shit over in the pottery class but that is to be expected because Jenna is awesome at pretending to be blind.
Spencer is hocking Melissa’s engagement ring which is awesome because Melissa’s is a huge bitch. And of course someone was watching Spencer. Shocking!
Spencer legit bought Butt Chin his truck so he could quit his job with Jason 2.0 She is his Sugar Momma.
And now Butt Chin and Spencer love each other and Jason 2.0 is not into this because he’s staring at them from the porch.
Blind Bitch Jenna asks Aria (who she thinks is Annita… but she obv knows it’s Aria) to help her with her pot. She is sooooo demanding and needs to relax.
JENNA IS SOOOOOO SCARY!! And now she’s weeping about being blind. Where are the violins??
Aria is shitting her pants right now because Jenna is so creepy. Jenna just called her Aria, so she knows it’s her and because she’s not really blind.
Black Hooded Figure obviously sent the scholarship letter to Emily’s mom… because Black Hooded Figure is pimp!! And because Emily then found a letter in the trash bin from A:
We can’t play cat & mouse when the mouse is in Texas. Congrats Em! – A
Spencer, Hanna and Aria are going to follow Melissa because they are ninjas! Melissa’s ex-boyfriend , Ren, is giving something to Melissa.
Hi! I'm Wren from season 1.
Annnnnnd Black Hooded Figure is buying Spencer’s ring that she hocked because he is pimp like I said!!!
Good episode. I’m digging it. But seriously… where the hell is Caleb?? If he’s A … I’ll kill myself, and then come back to life to date him.
hey ladies!
0-Rocco
Ian Harding… or Mr. Fitz.. or Ezra.. or teacher who totes mcgotes hooked up with his 16-year-old student within the first 5 minutes of the pilot…. is in Interview Magazine.
I didn’t read the what the article said…. I just looked at the pictures while I stood in the Bodega and pretended I was going to buy something. Is that illegal??
The man behind the counter looked a little peeved.
-Rocco
Pretty Little Liars: Why Is Everyone Eating Yogurt?? And I Don’t Care If Caleb Is Bad… I <3 Him
Posted on: March 7, 2011
Recap: Spencer is a suspect. No shit. If anybody out of these girls can murder.. it’s this bitch. But this makes me like her more. Is that strange?? YES!
All I have to say before this show starts is Caleb better not be a douche bag. I fought for him… and defended his sexiness. Yet, his bad boy status makes my heart pound for him even more.
I’m just gonna show this picture randomly by the way. You will have to deal with it.
-Spencer is really concerned about her Algebra homework… but I’m pretty sure she should be concerned that she is a murder suspect in Ali’s murder. Get your priorities straight girl!! They are searching your shit.
- I HATE IAN!! I HATE HIM!! He’s so smug. I just want to punch him. Punch him in his little leprechaun face.
I'm still living in your house girl... watch your back!
- Aria found out that her mom and her dad are sleeping together! Why is this an issue?? I still don’t get it. They’re married… even in the stupidest of rules, they are allowed to have sex. Next story line!!
Where’s Caleb??
-When did Aria’s brother get sexy??? He’s kind of cute! Can he drive yet?? Oh his name is Mike. This cast gets prettier and prettier.
My brother is hot and Rocco can't find a picture of him. So look at me instead.
- Hanna and Caleb are cooking breakfast. I want to play house with Caleb.
- Hanna is looking in his backpack and sees a creepy ass owl wrapped in paper. I would not want a boy to give me that. But she wants to have that… she’s smitten.
- Hanna and Caleb live together and her mom is barely home… why is it so hard for them to have sex?? If that was my situation… you know how much trouble I would’ve been in. If any high schoolers are reading this just remember “not me, not now”.
yes Caleb.. me and right now.
-Spencer…you should have prayed that police took that awful hat in the search warrant. That hat is hideous.
This is one of my ugly hats that the police didn't take
- Aria just sexted her MOM!! AGHHHHHH!!!! I’m pretty sure the words “mom” and “Ezera” are nowhere near each other in your phone book. MORON!!
- Aria is talking to her mom about the mom’s relationship with her dad. This is dumb. And her mom just called her out on the sexting. She isn’t really mad. I still don’t care about this sub-plot.
- Aria is hiding her Ezra stuff and leaves a book in there from him. Clearly, her mom will find this. She is an idiot.
- Butt Chin has come to console Spencer. They should probably make out right now. But instead he’s forcing her to take coffee to the cops that are watching her house. He wants her to be a barista. This is dumb. What is happening??
WHERE IS CALEB?!?!
Here I am!!
- Spencer and Butt Chin are both outcasts and they are so into each other. Fate?? YES!
- Blunt Bang Paige is no longer lesbian. Great. Shocking. And a boy asked her out. Emily is pissed because she is now the only lesbian in Rosewood. Paige still sounds like a lesbian.. so she’s not in the clear.
- Aria is still freaking out over her accidental text to her mom so she gave all her relationship stuff to Emily to hold. She saved a spoon from their first date… gross.
- Aria and Emily hear Sexy McSexpot on the phone with someone and it’s very suspicious!!! But he’s still a sexy werewolf.
- The girls tell Hanna this… and she is pissed. She loves him. I LOVE HIM! HE CAN’T BE BAD!! My world will fall apart.
- NOOOOO!!!!! Not Blind Bitch Jenna is wearing the owl necklace that was in Caleb’s backpack (that Hanna saw and thought was for her). MY WORLD!! It’s crashing.
Ask me how I put on the necklace??? I put it on myself.. because I can see!!
- Blind people can’t type on a computer … FAKE!!!! Oh, wait she isn’t blind.
- The owl necklace is on a jump drive… Caleb was stealing computer stuff from Hanna. What is happening???
- Hanna tries the number #214 and it’s the code to Caleb’s locker!! AHHH!!
- Hanna confronts Caleb… go her!! Caleb is giving it all up.. he’s telling her the truth. I love him. I love bad boys. He leaves. This makes me sad.
- Spencer and Butt Chin are sitting by a fire and talking about deep and meaningful things. Can they just make out again!!!
Spencer: What’s it like to run away?
Butt Chin: Cold.
I don’t know what that means… but I believe everything Butt Chin says. Spencer has a butt chin too. They will have beautiful butt chin babies… and they will resemble falcons!
Trust me.
-Spencer’s mom looks like the woman from Law & Order: SVU. Just wanted to share that.
- The girls are in the bathroom and Jenna (who isn’t blind walks in) and if I was Hanna… I’d hit her. HANNA SLAPS HER!!!!! YES!!!! And her glasses go flying. Who blocked this scene?? They should win an Emmy!
Text from my cousin:
I want Hanna to kill Jenna.
I'll cut a bitch
- Aria’s brother (Mike) is pissed at her. He may or may not kill her. I still can’t find a picture of him. Trust me… he’s adorable, but not an extra from Twilight.
- Spencer comes back from a run and Ian is sitting in the dark… waiting for her. Like a creeper. Like a murderous creeper!!
evidence of creepiness
- Paige is a lesbian again. This girl is giving me whiplash with this back and forth shit. I don’t care about her.
- Emily just said she fell out of the closet. That was the funniest part of the whole show. I can’t stop laughing.
- Seeing Hanna sob breaks my heart. I HATE IT!!! She’s my favorite.
- My friend just thought Spencer’s mom was Caleb…. because they have the same haircut! You can’t deny that.
Caleb?? Or Spencer's Mom??
- They found fibers of from Ali’s sweater the night she died in a bracelet of Spencer’s. This leads the po po back to Spencer. Bitch is going to jail.
- Black Hooded Figure breaks a glass heart that has Hanna’s name on it. And then puts the pieces in a box with some glue. How kind of him.
” Dear Hanna.. try putting it back together. Kisses! -A”
*SOB*
That preview just gave me goosebumps!!!
See you next week. Season finale is almost here!
- R … just kidding. I don’t want you to get confused.
-Rocco
So… I missed Pretty Little Liars last night because I was out… it pains me to say that. I chose my social life over Caleb, Hanna, and their impending sexual relations. UGH! I make myself sick.
I’m going to recap a recap. Yeah. Get over it.
- The girls figure out the braille messages that Butt Chin Toby received. They think it says “BAD”. NO SHIT! Every one in this stupid town is bad.
It’s nothing but murder and lies. A town of murder and lies. Never wanted to live anywhere else.
- Aria is so pissed at Hanna still. GET OVER IT ARIA. 1) You have a ridiculous outfit on 2) You are the one in an illegal relationship. Just saying.
I love older men
- Caleb is still hiding and eating Hanna’s cereal in Hanna’s home. Hanna’s mom is too busy running from the law to notice an extra from Twilight is bunking with her daughter.
Best. Parenting. EVER.
I miss the reservation
- Hanna and Aria make up at school. Anti-climatic.
- Ezra and Aria’ s mom have lunch (I hope they sleep together) and Blunt Bang Paige’s dad comes in freaking out because Emily is gay and therefore favored.
I'm banging your daughter... and I love saving the gays
In what world does Paige’s dad live in that the gays have it easy??? Because if we could live in that world… that’d be great.
Ezra saves the day. Duh.
-I don’t know who Byron is… I think Byron is in love with Ezra?? Who knows?? Who cares?? If you can’t send Ezra to jail… he wants nothing to do with you. Wait… Byron is the Dad… this recap is confusing. Skip this part.
Hi. I'm Byron.
- Spencer and Butt Chin still fake speak French to each other. And apparently Butt Chin speaks braille because he tells Spencer she is a fool and it doesn’t mean “BAD”. Spencer never wanted to make out with Butt Chin more. I’m assuming.
Let's make out. After we solve this mystery
- A great-nephew was involved in something. I HAVE NO IDEA. Just reading about Caleb being all detective-y is hot. I LOVE CALEB!!!
- Blind Bitch, who I refuse to believe is blind, is buying lingerie. Probably for her brother, Butt Chin. VOMIT!
- Spencer goes to Butt Chin’s abode, sneaks around Jenna’s room (blind girl), Butt Chin catches her and says stop because Jenna will know. You know how she’ll know… BECAUSE SHE IS NOT BLIND!!!!
- Oh and the DA dropped the charges against Butt Chin. FALCON IS FREE!!!
CA-CAW!
- When Spencer and Butt Chin are leaving for the courthouse, Fake Blind Bitch shows up and doesn’t want this to happen… because she can see and might as well drive Butt Chin herself.
I CAN SEE!!!
- Butt Chin and Spencer are driving somewhere and they reveal to each other the Braille message means #214. Oh good…. that makes sense.
- Blunt Bang Paige makes out with Emily. This high school is full of murderers and gays.
- “A” tells an exterminator to go to Hanna’s house and get rid of the vermin in her basement … PS Caleb lives there. “A” is such a bitch… Hanna and Caleb were just gonna make out.
- Butt Chin and Spencer are driving home (from who knows where) and they see a hotel with #214 on the door. It’s apparently the only hotel in the world with room #214.
- Last scene: Black Hooded Figure is putting flowers on the dead old woman’s grave… the same old woman Hanna’s mom stole money from.
ZING!
See you next week!
-Rocco
Ok I have two confessions:
1) I haven’t come up with a proper nick name for David Cook. Davey feels right sometimes… and at others, it just feels all wrong. I don’t like feeling wrong about David Cook. (And don’t suggest Dave… that sounds like an accountant that I’d wanna get a divorce from… and this is not the face of a “Dave”.
Not Dave #1
Not Dave #2... (and oh my Oprah do you remember that guy next to him?? He was Australian and a little sex pot! I think his name was John or Johnny or something...He looks like Mr. Fitz from Pretty Little Lairs)
Did I just lose you all with that Pretty Little Liars reference?? Yes I’m 23, a pseudo adult and still watch television made for teens… so shoot me!
2) I didn’t write anything about Davey (we’re just gonna stick with that for the time being) and I feel like I neglected some people and I feel like I neglected my soul. Okay.. that was dramatic. But I neglected my research that needs to be done by the time he releases new music and I have this recurring fear that I’ll wake up tomorrow and he’ll have 9 new singles and I’ll be behind like I am now. I panic. I don’t want/need that.
So those are the two reasons for this post, and I really just wanted to say “ © Moop there it is!!”
Come take a walk down memory lane with me… and don’t worry, we’ll leave whole wheat bread crumbs so we don’t get lost.
1) He has a soul patch and a red © Moop. Done and done.
2) Oh and an argyle sweater and a faux hawk on top as well. He’s like my Lee D. on crack. (<3 ya Lee bear!)
3) Oh Oprah I miss Simon.
4) *Real life Rocco story* I was in Amsterdam and in the Red Light District and saw some very inappropriate things while this song was playing. Every time I hear it, I think of strippers and sex. It’s really awkward. I don’t even want to talk about it. I just felt compelled to share that with you. I’m sorry. *End of real life Rocco story*
5) Paula looks like she’s wearing a wig and has no idea where she is and what she’s supposed to be doing.
1) Nice bangs.
2) Missouri??? I can’t even place that on a map. Is that in the South?? Why doesn’t he have an accent? (I’m smart, I promise. Just unfortunately bad at Geography/directions. If NYC wasn’t a grid… I wouldn’t be able to leave my apartment without getting lost. Seriously)
3) He still has a soul patch.
4) I still miss Simon.
5) I don’t really know much about the orig “Eleanor Rigby” (don’t hate me.. I just don’t know obscure Beatles songs. You hate me now don’t you??? What do you want from me?? I listen to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift on a regular basis)
6) What a little rock star.
7) You pop that collar boy!
8) Wow… he’s excited about that performance.
9) And Simon’s comment just proves he’s a genius and I should be his slave intern.
Okay…now enough of music. I typed in “David Cook Funny” into YouTube and this popped up. Just pretend you’ve never seen this before.
1) I love this gay bromance that they’re portraying. It warms my heart.
2) He his giving Christian Finnegan a © Moop. That just happened.
Well, that was fun.
Oh and let’s look at Davey’s latest tweet that is about ninjas and means absolutely nothing to everyone on this planet except him.
I don't understand this
And as much as I fake love the © Moop…. I like this Davey better.
TWINSIES!!
Okay… that will suffice. I think the panic can subside. He can release as much music as he wants now and I’m prepared.
-Rocco
Pretty Little Liars: “You don’t know the Biebs, and you don’t understand the Biebs… or his hair”
Posted on: February 1, 2011
This is going to be a half- ass recap because I didn’t watch this last night (I was being social and went to go see No Strings Attached. And FYI it was cute and I love when people fall in love)
Anyway… so I watched it quickly this morning and this is what went down:
-Sexy Suit Jason is back… that’s the most important thing that happened. I’m in love with him. And I know I say that a lot…. but I truly adore this boy. He just struts around this small town in a three-piece suit and he’s hot. Oh and he’s Ali’s older brother… so let’s be real… he’s probably a murderer.
I wish I could end the recap there… but I can’t.
-The girls need to talk to SS Jason about some picture of Ali that was taken the night she died. Spencer volunteers to go and she either has slept with Jason in the past and/or will sleep with him. I officially hate Spencer.
Spencer decides to look like Dora The Explorer when she goes to see SS Jason and he decides to be half-naked. Guess who I stared at???
See??? He's cute
-Emily is back on the swim team and there is this crazy bitch Paige who wants to kill her.She has a very straight bob and very rigid bangs… this is all the makings a female psycho needs. She makes fun of her because she is a lesbian, makes an unfunny joke about the “breast” stroke. The coach makes Emily captain or something, and Paige decides to try to drown Emily. Seriously…. she held her head under water.
Paige: I'll cut chu!
This town just does not know how to handle problems without murder.
-The other best part about last nights episode (besides sexy suit Jason) was the Justin Bieber reference. Yes… you read that right… HANNA MENTIONED THE BIEBS.
Scene: Hanna is in detention and Caleb (who looks like a werewolf from Twilight) makes a joke about her wanting to wait in line for the new Justin Bieber movie. And Hanna’s response:
Yeah… that just happened on Pretty Little Liars. Thank you for becoming my favorite show. There was a Backstreet Boys reference last week, and now a J Biebs mention. You would think I was a writer at this table.
I can’t wait for Caleb and Hanna to have high school sex. He better not be A.
-Ezra (English teacher) and Aria (high school student) decide to go on a real date to Philly to see an art exhibit. How romantic… if only it wasn’t illegal. Hanna gets threatened by A, and if Hanna doesn’t tell Aria’s mom about Ezera and Aria… A will get Hanna’s mom in trouble for stealing the money. Are you confused?? Are you scared at what’s going to happen??
Well, don’t be… because naturally Hanna sent Aria’s mom to the art exhibit hoping she’d run into her daughter and A conveniently killed the old woman whose money Hanna’s mom took. Sometimes A is good to have around.
-Spencer who is still in love with Sexy Suit Jason (ugh) asks him about taking the picture of Ali on the night she died, and he says he has no idea what happened that summer because he was doped up on drugs all summer…. with Ian (Ali’s possible killer and Spencer’s brother-in-law). WAM BAM!! I knew sexy suit Jason was going to be a mess…. I still heart him and his three-piece suit and polo sweaters.
-Spencer (being so active in this episode) goes to some bracelet store to see who bought another one of Ali’s bracelet (I don’t really know what this has to do with anything… I may have missed a vital episode in the Fall) and the old lady tells her… “Spencer Hastings purchased the bracelet” DUH DUH DUUUUH!! (That’s her)
-cut to black-
In the last scene…my favorite character…. Black Hooded Figure…. was at the jewelry shop with the old lady and she said to him/her “I said exactly what you wanted me to say”.
OHHHHH MAN!!!
Good episode. Hope you enjoyed this shitty recap.
Oh and no Butt Chin Falcon Toby. Sad story.
-Rocco
You tell ‘em girl!!
Okay… so the show started off with a bang! Spencer is trying to be all stealth and spy on her sister and her new husband, Ian. (who was banging Ali at some point… remember Ali is the dead chick)
When the stairs make a noise on cue, Spenc flies back up the stairs and the couple is super worried someone heard. I think they were just discussing babies because we later find out they are trying to procreate. Which isn’t a good idea because creepy husband, Ian, may be a killer…. we don’t need murderous babies.
I spread a murderous seed
Spencer wants to prove that Ian and Ali spent a weekend together in South Carolina. This will prove they were banging and then this will prove that he murdered her. Spencer has no real proof of this yet, but she’ll find it… let’s not forget this is the girl that steals essays to win awards!
Crazy Noel is back to bribe Mr. Fitz to get an A+ on his paper because he’s too lazy and dumb to actually write a cohesive sentence. Mr. Fitz, who still looks like a wax figure, isn’t having any of this shit and gives Noel a big fat C.
Later on in the show A gets Noel in trouble for stealing answers to midterm exams, so that way Mr. Principal will never believe Noel’s lies about Mr. Fitz and Aria. After this epic slow motion scene, Aria gets a text and it says “A is for Alison not amateur -A”….We get it A… you’re a bad bitch!
Don't try to bribe me punk... it's consensual.
Remember how last week the hundys were stolen out of the pasta box… well A taped it inside Hanna’s locker with a note saying “eat cupcakes and I’ll give you your money back”…. or something like that. I’m more concerned that A knows the locker code… if A will hit people with cars, they sure as shit will still textbooks. Watch your shit Hanna!!
So anyway, Hanna goes to the Bakery and gets the 6 cupcakes. They have pigs on them. Hanna used to be fat and Ali used to call her Hefty Hanna. It’s kind of sad. As she eats the cupcakes to get the money back…. some dumb ass jock is making pig noises at her. What a dick!
Eat 6 of me! -A
After Hanna is done chowing down on the cupcakes she gets a text from A telling her to throw them up. All of a sudden A is into promoting eating disorders, which is possibly the sickest thing this cray cray has done. As Hanna is in the bathroom she finds the 100′s plastered on the paper towels in the bathroom and a note that says “oink oink -A” . It’s weird, I don’t get it…. but she gets the money back.
Butt Chin is back to school and people are staring. Someone wrote “Killer” on his locker. FAKE! The school would totally wash that off. Butt Chin still looks like a falcon.
Biology Falcon!
The best part of the whole show is when a fat, angry, Asian boy steps in front of Butt Chin and says “MURDERER!” ZING!
Later on in the show… Butt Chin is swooping the streets (Get it?? Like a falcon???) and some child with a jew fro and an ice cream cone runs away in fear. It’s a sad moment. I actually feel bad for Butt Chin…and I never feel bad for Butt Chin. He runs behind a dumpster and a single tear rolls down his cheek. Break my heart ABC Family why don’t you!
Emily is still a lesbian and her mom is still a bitch. She finds weed in Maya’s backpack (Emily’s girlfriend) and gets her sent away to juvie camp. OVER WEED!??! Get over it! Anyway… the girls break Maya out, and Maya and Emily have a lesbian reunion in Spencer’s bedroom. It’s cute, there is a large amount of fire hazard candles and they dance. No one is that romantic at 16. Gay or not. Just saying.
I'm a romantic lesbain
As the lesbian rendezvous ends, the girls find the video of Ali and Ian meeting in the woods. The tapes end with Ali’s hand grasping the dirt in a stern fashion and then going limp. Is it a stern “wow this teenage sex in the dirt is so great” hand or is it “wow the guy I’m having sex with is murdering me” hand???
WHO KNOWS?!?!??
My favorite character Black Hooded Figure returns and is watching the girls watch this tape. They hear a noise, run after Black Hooded Figure in the woods and after a lot of sweeping camera action the show abruptly ends.
What we learned:
1) Mr. Fitz and Aria will continue to get it on.
2) A is such a bitch, but also kind of cares.
3) Black Hooded Figure is quick on foot.
4) You can easily escape from Juvie camp, but only if you’re a lesbian.
5) Ian is probably a murderous prick… let’s hope he doesn’t procreate.
-R
